Straight Guy Hall of Shame: Eye Candy Caddies

Gay Guy,

Newsflash: The British golf establishment has recently banished the Eye Candy Caddies from several prominent golf clubs, because they are "damaging the reputation of the sport."

Here's the deal: You pay the caddy service somewhere near $400 for a professional hostess (trained in golf rules, strategy, and etiquette) to manage your clubs while you play. Yes, they are probably MUCH more attractive than the sullen teenagers and unwashed alcoholics who make up the standard caddy pool. Yes, that rate also includes their company for a drink at the clubhouse after the game. But anything else is officially discouraged.

I know. I know.

Anyway, the spokesman for the organization enforcing the ban says "Anyone who seriously cares about the development of the game should work to ensure that it is as professional, inclusive, and culturally inoffensive as any other major sport."

Oh, you mean as refined and culturally inoffensive as the two dominant sports in the modern world, soccer and football? Please. Sports are not always politically correct. There were bikini'd cheerleaders at the Olympic volleyball matches last time, for goodness sake.

I'm not saying the guys who pay for this aren't lonely losers. But, if the Eye Candy Caddies stick to their advertised skill set, then this is just dudes playing sports while pretty girls cheer them on. Then everyone has a beer. Not very liberated, I agree, but certainly not outside the "major sport" status quo.

Here's what IS offensive about the arrangement.

(1) The rate: A full day of caddying could include three rounds of golf. If one of the Eye Candy Caddies can hoof it that far, they'd be pulling in well over $1,000 a day. Yowza. Where can I find a pink golf blazer, 42 long?

(2) They aren't hoofing it at all! In three of the four pictures above, they have golf carts. Caddy = carry, people. No wheels allowed. What, you can't look good AND carry a heavy bag for three or four hours?

--Straight Guy