Beach Bods: Pleading the Fifth

Happy End-of-Summer, Gay Guy.

My warm weather wind-down included a week at the beach. Peaceful and free of drama, except for one small moment.

Mrs. Straight Guy and I were setting up our umbrella on a not-too-crowded stretch of sand. Out of nowhere, she commented on the "perfect body" of a woman strolling up the beach. It wasn't a direct question, but her phrasing had a slightly raised tone that led me to believe that I should respond with my review.

Classic relationship catch-22. Yeah, it's similar to the how-do-I-look-in-this-outfit scenario. But I find that one easily solved: just say "I think you look great," and, preferably, mean it. I always do.

When it comes to rating third parties, though, options are very limited. There's got to be something between a drooling "hubba hubba" and a lie ("Charlize Theron is a troll"), right? If she asks, I need something diplomatic that respects both my honest assessment as well as her feelings.

Mrs. SG and I don't have too much tension in this regard, neither of us is the jealous type. I'm sure she didn't mean to put me in gotcha mode. So, this was an odd moment, and I was caught unprepared. My response was minimal, barely verbal. "Huh? Wha? Mm. Eh." Translation: "What are you talking about? You mean over there? Oh, I see. Yeah, but honestly nothing to worry about."

The moment passed. Any lingering tension was quickly softened by the fact that the woman in question had a VERY annoying voice (vocal lovechild of The Nanny and Sling Blade).

Readers, how'd I do? How do you navigate this stuff?

--Straight Guy

5 comments:

Kathryn said...

Well, I think you did the best you could. "Hubba-hubba" wud've landed you in deep ca ca...and that no fun whilst on vaca. Pretending you didn't notice wud be blatantly insulting to hers (and your) intelligence. I think your indecipherable response was your best bet.
I give it a solid 8. And a half.

Straight in Upstate said...

"She's not as pretty as you, dear." And in my house, it's the speed of the response more than the sincerity - if she thinks I had to ponder for a moment, I'm "dead meatballs" as my 5 year old likes to say.

The Expatresse said...

I have a friend who says when he sees a hot woman who is not his wife, the correct response is, "Baby, she reminds me of you." He claims it has never failed. He's still married . . .

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