Ad Watch: Put It On! Put It On!

Gay Guy,

A dutch media company spent the last few weeks (and a whole lot of resources) threatening commuters with this campaign.

Luckily (yeah, sure), a radio station stepped in at the last minute to purchase the space. We will never know whether that threat was idle or not (ho hum).

Clever or cruel? Everyone has a laugh at this guy's expense, but I'd guess that if this was a woman, the rules would change. That's all right, we can take it.

Turns out, this guy now has a fan-base... of sorts.

--Straight Guy

Ad Watch: Coming Home vs Coming Out

Brothers? Friends? Boyfriends? I was going to post a few witty insights. But I can't top "That's Gay" from Infomania on Current TV (see below).

There's a lot more on our AdWatch Tumblr.  New posts include bikers forced to hold hands for a Klondike Bar, a bad action movie for Dr. Pepper 10 (Not for Women!), and a Brut campaign that is cranky and mean (just like the men that use it).

Let us know what you think.

--Straight Guy

Hall of Badassery: Do-It-Yourself Levee

From the Seattle Times:
A levee protects a home from the swollen Yazoo River. The flooded Mississippi River is forcing the Yazoo, a tributary, to back up where the two meet near Vicksburg, Miss. [photo: Getty Images]
I know that the need for this is tragic, and this photo only hints that there must be many other much sadder stories. But, dang, talk about taking matters into your own hands. I guess if you have the time and the tools, it is possible to take on Mother Nature.

--Straight Guy

Gay Guy Post Card

Straight Guy,

Here's hoping that all is well with you. My vacay is the best! I am really happy. However, this European keyboard is a little hard to figure out. . . .

Rome is absolutely wonderful. History and beauty are everywhere. Churches, too. With churches come priests. Rome being the center of the Catholic world, priests are everywhere. 

I know that I am shallow, and I know this will sound tragically shallow. . .  but there are some hot priests here. Smoking hot. These guys could fill the pews back home. Young, too. There was one guy in all his priest garb, black shirt, collar, black jacket, wearing skinny jeans. Hot. 

I even got the 2012 Hot Priests Calendar. This is completely legit. I am not making this up.

Shallow, I know. But, a travelogue is a travelogue.

Lest you fear, I have soaked of plenty of art, history and culture, and plenty of food. I am off for one last dose of ancient ruins before I take off for Florence tomorrow.

I will try to fire off another post soon.

--Gay Guy

Straight Guys Ruin Everything: Facebook Edition


Just launched: a 21st century version of the I-have-a-girlfriend-she's-from-Canada-you've-never-met-her scam.

Now, lonely and desperate guys can sign up for a fake "Cloud Girlfriend" to appear on their facebook page. The purpose is to make these guys more attractive to their real-life friends. Slogan: "The best way to get a girlfriend is to already have one."

Good luck, fellas. Here's a sample of the fakery that you'll have to build your story around: "I'm an international DJ and split my time between Miami, London and Paris. Sandy beaches by day and sweaty clubs by night, that's my life!"

Cripes, I'm tired of trying to keep up with this charade already. How come they never, I don't know... sell paint at Home Depot?

You might have a long shot at success. But I think you have a much greater chance at an emotionally scarring shame spiral when someone eventually cracks the code. And, do you really want to date someone who was easily conned by this? Do you want to internalize these lies for the rest of your life? Because, face it, it won't seem funny or charming when you have to reveal your methods somewhere down the line.

So, Ladies, when a socially awkward dude starts receiving racy facebook posts from a mysterious hottie with an incompatible lifestyle, call him on it. But if he brings home a girl's number on a Sherwin-Williams color swatch, feel free to get a little jealous.

--Straight Guy

Media Watch: The Ambiguously Gay Duo -- They're ALIVE!


Over the weekend, John Hamm, Steve Carell, Steven Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, and Ed Helms participated in a live-action twist of SNL's long-running cartoon segment (Carell and Colbert have been the voices of Ace and Gary since the 90s).

The Ambiguously Gay Duo, Ace and Gary, continue to thwart mega-villain Big Head's dastardly plots, but the main point of the sketch has always been the innuendo laced action and dialogue ("Ram it in the dumpster!") and the subsequent confusion and distraction of the bad guys. "They're gay, right?!?" And like those bewildered henchmen, sometimes the audience just doesn't know how to react. Yes, there's a base reaction to the juvenile humor. But there's a deeper social commentary about how paralyzed the closed-minded can get when deprived of their labels, and that the homophobic always seem a little too interested, and probably have issues of their own. Yet, these villains' greatest fear is being labeled as homophobes, themselves. The fact that it's all wrapped up in a spot-on spoof of 70s superhero cartoon shows is just icing on the cake.

Like many of SNL's skits, this one goes on a minute or two too long. But, readers, let me know: Laughing at? Laughing with? Or not laughing at all?

--Straight Guy

Gaydar Check: Hail to the Chief


I'm getting back in the game after a few crazy weeks of work travel. I'll need to pick up the pace as GG is almost out the door for a fabulous vacation overseas. Safe travels, GG. (I'm proud to be your emergency contact. Though your passport photo is definitely a "straight guy special." We'll have to work on that.)

Readers, check out the photo above. Best Week Ever captions it: "Some guy met President Obama and went all Jim Jay Bullock on him, extending his wrist like the regal thing he is, while also giving his best OMFGGGFace."

Wow. Are Jim Jay Bullock references still effective at inferring super sassy gayness?

But yes, my sub-par gaydar pinged on this, too. Fair or foul?

--Straight Guy

Note: Blogger went down yesterday and my Sally Forth post (below) was lost and reposted. I think we lost some comments as they rebuilt the entire system. Sorry about that.

The Long, Sad, Slow Emasculation of Ted Forth

Gay Guy,

I shouldn't care.

But like many liberals who listen to Rush Limbaugh, I, too, punish myself on a daily basis by reading the Sally Forth comic strip. It angers me daily. But I can't look away.

The strip chronicles the life of Sally Forth, her husband Ted, and their daughter, Hillary. The male authors (yes it takes two) present a bleak worldview where sarcasm is the primary mode of conversation. You'll know it's sarcasm not because the wordplay is particularly sharp, but because the characters address each other through sideways glances and with raised eyebrows.

The authors do what they can with their limited -- to put it kindly -- illustration skills. Major peeve: though they still haven't managed to master the core skill of cartoon facial expression, they continue to devote massive amounts of attention to the drape of characters' shirts.

Ted is hopeless. He is constantly diminished by ALL of the relationships in his life. He gets no respect, and frankly, deserves none. Yes, I hate just about everything about this strip. But it's gotten to the point where I have to wonder about the agenda of the authors. What do these guys have against Ted and men in general? There is a long, proud history of "loser dads" in the comic strips. But Ted makes Dagwood Bumstead look like a Renaissance man. At least Dagwood has mad sandwich skills... and Blondie.

Many critics insinuate that Ted's overall wussiness indicates that he is gay, and that he just needs to come out already. I don't equate weakness with gayness, but I will say this:

Man up, Ted. Man up.

--Straight Guy

P.S. I am always careful when complaining that I don't automatically assume that "I could do better than that!" But in the case of the Sally Forth strip, I'm really tempted.

Hi, Mom

Straight Guy,

Just right for Mother's Day, here's a clip from the Fabulous Beekman Boys website.  Watch the clip.

The Beekman Boys are Josh Kilmer-Purcell and Brent Ridge, two Manhattanites who turned their weekend place in the country into full-time farming, books, a Planet Green reality show, and a couple of Williams-Sonoma deals.

Got goat-milk soap?

The show is just okay -- the reality TV tone washes out a genuinely interesting story. But, I met Josh and Brent at a food fest this year, so that makes watching it fun. (Yes, I am a celebrity whore.)

In this clip, Josh's mom gives him a flavor of her long ago life as a single woman. Call the clip "cruising for man meat with mom." Nice.

--Gay Guy

"Touch My Junk!:" Gay Guy/Straight Guy Rallying Call

Straight Guy,

Are you as wiped out as I am from our week-long work jaunt to San Francisco? I can barely keep my eyes open today. 

I had even more fun with you than usual. The events may be never-ending with sharp highs and lows, but we work with a congenial group of colleagues and their camaraderie makes it go down easier. 

A story: As we cabbed to our Nob Hill hotel on day one, I glanced out the window to see if the Nob Hill Theatre was still there -- and it is. 

How to describe the "Knob" Hill Theatre, as we called it? Let's go to an expert source. The City Search site calls the Nob Hill a "male strip joint and gay pornography cinema featuring exotic stage and shower shows, erotic films and private viewing booths."  A similar guide calls it the "premium place for porn and strippers strutting their stuff live and in-person." That about covers it.

The marquee says it all: "Touch Our Junk."

This became the expression of the week: "Touch our junk," "Touch your junk," "Touch my junk." Every time I disappeared to my room to catch up on e-mail or close my eyes for a few minutes, people acted like I had gone to the Nob Hill. I deflected with my best bemused, enigmatic smile. I think they were genuinely surprised that the theatre existed.

SG, sorry that we ran out of time before I could get you drunk and take you by for "Rookie Night." I know you would have been a hit. . . . and come home with a wad of singles. The brief visit by Mrs. Straight Guy tamped down my plan.

  --Gay Guy

Gay Guy / Straight Guy Archive