Straight Guys Ruin Everything: Facebook Edition


Just launched: a 21st century version of the I-have-a-girlfriend-she's-from-Canada-you've-never-met-her scam.

Now, lonely and desperate guys can sign up for a fake "Cloud Girlfriend" to appear on their facebook page. The purpose is to make these guys more attractive to their real-life friends. Slogan: "The best way to get a girlfriend is to already have one."

Good luck, fellas. Here's a sample of the fakery that you'll have to build your story around: "I'm an international DJ and split my time between Miami, London and Paris. Sandy beaches by day and sweaty clubs by night, that's my life!"

Cripes, I'm tired of trying to keep up with this charade already. How come they never, I don't know... sell paint at Home Depot?

You might have a long shot at success. But I think you have a much greater chance at an emotionally scarring shame spiral when someone eventually cracks the code. And, do you really want to date someone who was easily conned by this? Do you want to internalize these lies for the rest of your life? Because, face it, it won't seem funny or charming when you have to reveal your methods somewhere down the line.

So, Ladies, when a socially awkward dude starts receiving racy facebook posts from a mysterious hottie with an incompatible lifestyle, call him on it. But if he brings home a girl's number on a Sherwin-Williams color swatch, feel free to get a little jealous.

--Straight Guy


straight in upstate said...

First it was the AGD (last post), now this - I'm out of the loop. The best way to get a girlfriend is to have one...because women want to date a guy who will cheat? I'm confused. And speaking of internalizing lies, how about that Arnold Schwarzenegger?

SteveA said...

Make 'em jealous is the axiom here! It works - it seems ur more attractive when your hooked up! People want what they can't have!
If I have a cloud girlfriend, it will be my own demise!

Straight Shooter said...

Isn't this want got Cong. Wiener in trouble?

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