Gay/Straight Stereotype Alert: What Women Want

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Gay Guy,

Found this on the web today. Mostly a slam at straight guys, but don't you find this kind of logic ("All the good ones are gay or taken!") a little insulting, too? If I know a couple of nerdy, jerky, or not-so-bright gay guys, you must know dozens.

Plus, our graphs are so much better than this, right?

-Straight Guy

Straight Guy,

Sure the logic is off, but lots of gay guys subscribe to a version of this chart, not just straight women. I do hear a memorable number of women -- some of a certain age, some in major urban areas that attract/are a good home for gay men--that say exactly what you suggest: "All the good ones are gay or taken." I guess I should take it as a compliment and run. (Not that I am especially evolved versus the average straight guy, but I do still get a few "If only you were straight, Gay Guy," from single straight women friends.)

The gay guy version of the chart is, "All the good ones are already in relationships, on the rebound, or are so emotionally crippled/unavailable that they aren't worth the renovation costs." I am getting close to this mantra myself.

But that's the wound: Sure, it's easy and kinda fun to blame the environment, but by some principle of mathematics, you end up with, "I'm single, so I must be on the rebound (not) or an emotional toxic waste site." Not good options.

I look at some of my straight women friends and think, "How could you possibly be single -- you're attractive, nice, going some place with your life, have a manageable amount of emotional baggage." I say the same thing about some gay guy friends, too. But, there are also the ones who have such an emotion defense that the "why single?" questions answers itself. Or social skills that don't attract. Like a friend who was walking down the main drag of Provincetown -- gay summer mecca-- and flossing his teeth. Talk about cock block. Yep, I see why he's single.

One of my defense mechanisms, a pretty common one I think, is to look at an attractive gay man, and tell myself that he's most likely either dumb or stuck on himself. It's all jealousy and based on zero data. Finding out that he could be nice, well-rounded, and down to earth would be proof that God can be unkind, and who needs more of that?

-- Gay Guy

P.S. Your graphs are SO much more interesting.


Gingerella said...

My husband was just commenting on something to this effect the other night, how women want the impossible. We want a guy who is tough and macho at the right times, and in touch with his soft cuddley feminine side at the right times, who will also support us and be at our beck and call. ;)

Great blog!

Isis said...

In a not-taking-things-seriously kind of way, that's a pretty brilliant graph. I cracked up reading it, because (without trying to seem too pessimistic) - its pretty accurate.

Kathryn said...

Oh, c'mon's always been this way. Straight guy=macho...not too emotionally available...somewhat clueless about what women want...hates shopping, chick-flicks and talking about feelings. Isn't that the stereotype?
Is it true? Do SG's really feel this way, or are they (you) following the "lead"? I personally don't get sweet, or sensitive, or open with feelings = gay. I just don't get it. 'Splain, Lucy....I mean, Ricky.

Michael Rivers said...

I don't understand the chart. What does that say about me? LOL

book*addict said...

I don't agree with the chart at all. My husband defends me in a macho manner when need be, he also tells me how he feels when i ask (of course). He likes shopping with me, but isn't metrosexual, and he likes chick flicks as much as I do. Not all straight guys are "manly-men" and totally unconnected to their softer. It just depends what type of straight guys you hang with.
BTW, if this stereotype were to be true about straight men, then all straight women are needy, clingy, emotional, and manipulative.

Brutalism said...

I love a good Venn diagram, so if that was the point of this post...I totally got it.

another gay gay said...

Gay Guy,

Wow. Your comment read my mind! How did you do that? Thanks for so eloquently describing what a lot of gay men think and feel. You are spot on -- especially that good men must be taken or a mess. And, the instant assumption that a hot guy is arrogant and/or dumb also sounds familiar.

Thanks for expressing something a lot of us feel, but don't say out loud.

Straight in Upstate said...

As a lifelong resident of the intersection of Gay & Nerd, people have been shocked to learn A) I used to have long hair and an unhealthy recreational drug habit and B) have sex with women. To my wife's benefit, I got over A) before she met me and she made no assumptions about B). Some women we both knew assumed I was gay (no big loss to me in those cases) and were surprised when girlfriend (now wife) informed them to contrary.

I believe GG will confirm I'm neither metrosexual nor terribly misleading. (If I were gay, I'd be the guy flossing my teeth on Main Street of Gay Mecca.) So I don't know where people get this stuff.

Kathryn said...

Hey! When I commented the first time, there was no post from GG in there....I'm sure of it.
GG: Is it at all possible that this gorgeous guy that you assume is either messed up or unavailable is actually just a lonely, mis-understood nice guy whom everyone assumes must be stuck up due to his rock-hard abs, winning smile and impeccable manners?
Nah. I didn't think so....just checking.

kamagra said...

I think it's a good article and I've been studying a lot about this characteristics because I'm a psychoanalyst, and most of the teenagers are having problems with this same affair, and to be honest isn't easy to understand it but I will do my best try in my investigation. 23jj

Daniel W. said...

I came across this Blog accidentally, However' After reading, The concencous of what most of you thought is not only damn right offensive but also way off the mark.
I am a 28yr old Single Straight Guy, That can relate to a partners needs & emotions, Who is also more than happy to nip to the store late at night for tampons, Ben & Jerry's Oreo Ice cream, & a couple of bottles of Rose wine, And spend the weekend cuddled up on the sofa watching the Notebook among many other "Chick flicks" Just because its that time of month and she is not feeling so great and would prefer to stay in.
If people think that makes me gay then it just shows their own small mindedness, As at the same time I am the bloke who is willing to break every finger on a guys hand if he places it on the woman I am with after she had already asked him to leave her alone, I believe men should always defend their Wife, girlfriend or even just their dates honour when its challenged.

And for you to say that all the good guys, The ones worth being with are either already taken or they are gay, It's not only offensive and very annoying but it's wrong. You can't make a graph and claim its accurate just because its based on the people you have met in the circles you run in, Some of us guys don't go to clubs constantly, As its all fake, The person you meet in a club is not the person they really are during the day. And I prefer to meet the real person not the fake versions in clubs.

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