Gay Guy at the End of His (Jump) Rope

Straight Guy,

Our readers really enjoyed your Oct. 5 post about that maniacal jump roping team. The video got a bunch of hits.

I've just experienced my own jump rope story. Maniacal, just not choreographed. I worked out with my trainer, who is trying to add more intense cardio to my routine. You can guess where this story is going . . .

She handed me a jump rope and set me to task.

It was an unmitigated disaster. First off, it wasn't a rope at all, but a series of linked plastic tubes. Like pieces of plastic penne. It didn't handle well at all.

As I already knew, I am just not coordinated enough to jump rope. After whistling around my ears, it slapped the floor with a thwack. Another thwack. Then more thwacks. So, I shortened the rope and my swing, then ended up jumping too high, instead of just stepping over it. I was a mess. Eventually, my trainer just took it away from me, with an "Uhmmm, maybe we'll just try this again later."

Yeah, later. Later, when I don't put the whole gym into a surgical and legal risk. I must have been bad, since my trainer never lets me quit anything before it's done to her satisfaction.

I'm okay with my defeat. Though when I see guys who are really good at jumping rope, natural and easy, I'm in awe.

So, back to the trainer issue. You know I've been working out with a trainer for a while. Though I usually call her "the woman I work out with." I have trouble saying the word "trainer." I can't connect that word to me. "Trainers" work with athletes, and that is not what I am. I've advanced quite some bit since my childhood of picked last for basketball, baseball, football . . . curse of the gay guy.

I dreaded gym class, but I now I finally feel like the gym is a place that I belong, not a place where I am an outsider. I've grown a lot more comfortable and confident of my physical self, finally.

--Gay Guy


Anonymous said...

Good for you, Gay Guy.

I'm a straight man, and let me tell you that the fear of elementary school gym class never goes away for anyone. It's not strictly a gay thing.

I would KILL for a video of you jumping rope.

Smileyfreak said...

I agree with Anonymous,good for you! Don't worry about not being able to jump rope :) it sounds like your 'fitness consultant' (?) will find you something else for sure :)

Spot said...

I think you should totally blame it on faulty equipment! Those little plastic penne jump ropes are for kids, not serious jump-ropers. They make athletic work out jumpropes and they have weighted wooden handles and real rope. It's totally her fault, not yours. =]


Gay Guy said...

It probably makes sense for a gym to have some kiddie equipment, especially equipment that is highly mobile. Keeps the lawsuits down.

Gay Guy said...

It probably makes sense for a gym to have some kiddie equipment, especially equipment that is highly mobile. Keeps the lawsuits down.

Straight Guy said...

Just stick with the basics, GG. Don't let your consultant try to move on to 4-square, hopscotch, or a jerry-rigged obstacle course.

Kathryn said...

Okay. Your trainer needs to stand down. What happened to a jumprope that was a rope? I mean....give me a break, GG! I do believe it takes a tremendous amount of coordination to jump rope...either that, or you've got to be under the age of 8.

David said...

Jumping rope is ridiculously tough. I had to use one of those ez-ropes for the longest time before I could use a normal jump rope without falling flat on my bum.

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