Is That a Finial on Your Curtain Rod? Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Readers,

Straight Guy mocked me, mocked me I say, this afternoon. He spied a box on my table -- my delivery from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Apparently B3 itself sounds gay, let alone what the package might contain. It was my new curtains; I specifically avoided using the more technical, but stereotypically gay-sounding, terms "window treatments" and "window panels." Then I launched into telling my HILARIOUS B3 adventure of testing two different kinds of curtains, seeing which worked better, making the exchange, getting the wrong size. . . you get the picture. SG was laughing at me, not about my misadventures in the beyond section of Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but at my buying curtains in the first place.

This is really a Single Guy/Married Guy story, not a gay or straight story. SG, remember that when you are single, no one but you covers your bare windows or buys pillows for the sofa (Why are they called 'accent' pillows?) unless your mom comes to help you, and that would be tragic. In my life, domesticity is by necessity self-generated. And, not all of us want to have our homes look like a freshmen dorm. (Note to SG: Take down the Carmen Electra poster.) That's where B3 comes in.

P.S. I do have to admit that Bed, Bath, and Beyond is indeed crawling with nice-looking gay men. At least mine is.

--Gay Guy

The nasty stereotype is true. Most single straight guys simply do not "treat" their windows. They don't "accent" their sofas.

One of my first bosses was gay. Male model gay. He had no idea how to talk to me, given that we had NOTHING in common about how we spent our weekends. One monday morning, he went on and on about the perfect "finials" (just googled spelling on that) he had found after months of searching. Whether he was talking about shoes, birds, or flowers, I had no idea. Turns out, he was talking about curtain rod ornaments. In one conversation, he expended more mental energy on the issue of window treatments than I had in my whole life.

When I was on my own, old sheets and thumbtacks did the job nicely. Now, I prefer wood blinds, and am willing to hire professionals to pick, measure, and install them.

For the record, this purchase/return pattern is not unusual for Gay Guy. He once recruited me to help him deliver a dining chair from a shop to his apartment. I asked him, who buys a single dining chair? Turns out, it was a sample chair, and he couldn't decide until he took it home for a week-long fung shui workout.

I think he thinks everyone does this.

--Straight Guy