FROM STRAIGHT GUY: Ask the gentleman where he buys his underwear. If he buys them in 5-packs from Target or WallMart, he's probably straight. If he has no idea where his underwear comes from, or what brand he wears, he's probably straight, but taken. Once a momma's boy...
The stereotype is true. Once a straight guy is off the market and not trying so hard to get laid, the quality of his underwear becomes a non-issue. Unsupervised, we wear them until they disintegrate. And then for a few months more. Who likes to buy underwear, anyway?
Still laughing that someone took the time to create this helpful illustration. Are you happy with your "armholes," GG? (A lot of work only to misfire on the labeling for "crotch" and "fly". Note to young readers: Do not trust the SexEd diagrams at Visual Dictionary!) Ideally, if you're able able to use a computer to navigate to the site, you should already have the operational complexities of underwear all worked out.
FROM GAY GUY: A quick look around my gym’s locker room indicates that good underwear always has a name: Calvin Klein, Polo, 2xist (Straight Guy: Say ‘To Exist,’ it’s very gay). There’s a sprinkling of Hanes or FTL, but no representation from J C Penney. So, the gay stereotype holds true: we’re brand whores.
Underwear quality checks never end for gay men. It’s a point of pride. A comfortable sag here and there is okay (if you’re off the dating track), but gaps, tears, or worse, just wouldn’t happen for a gay man. I never really thought about this, but I suppose good underwear counts because we check out each other’s business. The wrapper just means more for us; and thus the miracle of fashion technology that is the ‘contour pouch.’
Straight Guy, how many seams does YOUR underwear have down the back?
Who likes to buy underwear? Am I supposed to be ashamed?
P.S. Tucking your undershirt INTO the waistband of whatever kind of underwear you are sporting looks ridiculous. Please add this as an agenda item at your next Straight Guy meeting.
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Readers, we await your comments on this critical topic. Click below...
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Is He Gay or Straight?: Underwear Test
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6 comments:
GG: I *think* I get it....is it like the way women feel about wearing Victoria's Secret versus Sears brand? With women, it may be more about having the top match the bottom...I mean, we've got twice as much to buy when it comes to undies. Question: Is there a divide between boxers and briefs? Is there ever an event where you'll forgo undies altogether? Or is VPL never an issue for you guys?
Don't forget the boxer-brief - essentially cotton bicycle shorts. For me, crossing the brief/ boxer divide was a religious experience. After your stuff has room to move, you never go back to tightie whities.
Hanes boxer-briefs from Wal-Mart.
I could care less about fashion.
I'm gay.
Have fun with those facts... ;-)
John,
I am having fun with your facts and your Walmart BBs.
I think I got into the Calvin Kleins because they were the first designer to use a really sexy photo on the package. Hanes are a latecomer to this game. Deep down in my chicken/reptile brain I had a hope that if I bought the Calvin Kleins my body would be just as beautiful. Like magic.
GG,
You're an ad man's wet dream - "he fell for it! I think I need a cigarette." I admire your courage in admitting that on the web.
Haha, I work at JC Penney! Our clothes do suck...
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