No More, Mr. Fancypants

Gay Guy,

Thanks for covering the blog while I was away on vacation to Tennessee and Kentucky. Those stops probably aren't high on your list, I know, but we'll soon need to break you out of your KeyWest-SanFran-PTown vacation loop. There are other destinations here in the lower 48, you know.

I had a great time, and filled my days with smoked and fried meats (you can fit a whole turkey in a deep fryer), country music, and outdoor adventures. I even went a few hundred feet down into Mammoth Cave (creepy and wonderful).

But have no fear, there is plenty of fabulousness for your team in Nashville. Some of the dudes are downright fancy. Men wearing tight starched jeans with a pressed crease... add the boots and embroidered shirts and you no longer meet my definition of standard-issue straight guy. I'm not saying they're gay, but along with heavy metal hair bands and tough bikers who wear chaps and fringy jackets, they fall into a category of primping posers who leave the joys of sloppy straightdom behind.

Readers, Gay Guy has often commented on my low-frills sense of style. It's not horrible, but it's not well thought out either. Certainly nothing that can be called a "style." Mostly khakis and collared shirts for work, and jeans and uncollared shirts at home. I can dress myself up, but it's only thanks to Nordstrom's sales staff and a good dry cleaner. I pick the tie and feel good about making that contribution.

Gay Guy is no crazed fashionista, either. But I'm sure he plans and strategizes more than I do, and over the long term, it definitely shows. He's more often an exciting new episode, I'm more often a tired re-run (sometimes shown twice in the same week).

I once worked with a nice guy who wore khaki pants and a blue oxford EVERY day. He must have had at least a week's worth of each. Steve Jobs (Apple CEO) never wears anything but jeans and a black mock turtleneck. I envy that simplicity. I don't think it's because they care about the uniform. In fact, I think it's the opposite, that they don't want to worry about clothes AT ALL.

Maybe if I was single, I'd be trying harder. But maybe, if I was still single, I'd have given up by now, be even worse off, and desperately need a Queer Eye intervention. You can always try a little harder, right?

Readers, how much is too much? Are you attracted to men who wear very affected outfits (cowboy, biker, goth, etc.)? Do you buy it that Steve Jobs wears the same thing everyday so that he can invest his intellect elsewhere? On the flip side, what about the guy on MTV's new Jersey Shore show who spends a half hour every day gelling his hair and invests his intellect in nicknaming his abs "the situation"?

Everyone has a different balance of ego and dignity, I guess.

I don't want to be a hater. Jersey Shore guy says that if I am, then he's "got a full time job" for me. I appreciate that self awareness, but yeah, I generally don't like guys who try so hard. And to be clear, there are some scruffy guys who fall into this category, too (looking at you, Ray LaMontagne).

--Straight Guy