Gay Guy Says: Man, Don't Give Me That Same Old Line

Straight Guy,

I found this article last week but didn't get the chance to post it.

The December issue of Men's Health has Taylor Lautner, sadly shirted, on the cover. No big surprise there. But, as the Yahoo article reports, the headlines to the left of his photo are a word-for-word repeat of those on the left side of the October 2007 cover, which featured Jason Staham. Read the news.

"Abs: See Results in Just 9 Days."

"Dress for More Sex."

"Gain Muscle, Lose Pounds."

Men's Health says it was an intentional marketing ploy. I don't buy it, mostly because I do buy it, the magazine that is. If there is one thing I've learned from reading Men's Health, which I'll admit has a seductive gay soft-core porn aspect to it, is that they have about half a dozen articles up their editorial sleeve. Most of them go something like this: "Eat Anything You Want and Lose Weight," "Do Nothing to Be Attractive or Interesting and Still Get Women Humming Your Tune" and "Get a Great Body Without Getting Getting Your Body Off the Sofa." They were doomed to repeat a cover or two.

It's not Men's Health's fault. It's because they write for men.

Men are men. Straight or gay, we men have lots in common. We're essentially lazy. And childlike. In the back of our teeny underdeveloped brains we basically think we can get something for nothing most of the time. Generally speaking, I find that women are more alert that life requires effort and putting in some labor.

Straight Guy, Readers . . . Have I unfairly slammed my bretheren?

--Gay Guy


WannabeVirginia W. said...

That is precisely what I love about men, the underdeveloped brain that responds quite nicely to positive re-enforcement and grows into a fully developed brain (lol). Although, at times it regresses. But no problem, positive re-enforcement works well.

straight in upstate said...

I don't think it's gender at all - I'm sure you could get the same results tallying up cover of womens' magazines. They sure all look alike. My faves: the ones that have a now-skinny woman boasting her miracle diet, paired with "30 New Fabulous Chocolate Cake Recipes!" The formula is the same: Sell a fantasy. You can get thin, rich, have greater sex, without lifting a finger....and your life will still be crap. you'll have the same problems, same low self-esteem, same mommy/ daddy issues, and your life won't be any different because none of this stuff is true.

On a mostly unrelated note: Wegman's, the major supermarket in my piece of the world (and coming to you soon, wherever you are, trust me), now puts "porn covers" over Cosmopolitan in the checkout line racks. It's still out in the open in the magazine aisle, but my 6 year old can no longer practice his reading skills with "Make Him Scream Tonight! Six Things He'll Beg For!"

Gay Guy said...


Only six things to make him beg for? That's letting them off too easy.

When Pigs Fly said...

As a woman, I do not think you have made an unfair assessment. I have no problems with men but they are not always the most psychically aware.

Kathryn said...

Oh, brother. I can imagine it must be hard to come up with fresh, cutting-edge ideas for magazine people basically have the same issues...over and over.

Lose weight. Find the g-spot. Self-improve. Dress better...cook better...dump the chump...find your soulmate in 3 days or less.

Hey. WE should write a magazine...we'll give 'em something FRESH.

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