Here's an update from the young man who recently wrote us for help figuring out who he is. Many readers reached out with supportive comments. Read the October 14 post.
His e-mail today:
"Just wanted to say thank you for the thoughts, they were very helpful!! I have come out of the closet--only to a couple of people, two people from work--one of whom is gay--my cousin, and mom. It was hard to do, especially to my mom. She says that she will always love me but she doesn't get it. She thinks it is a choice. She told me that I will probably end up lonely and lose a lot of my family."There's a small victory in there: Mom says she'll always love him. I say that she needs to start learning about the science of sexual orientation and open her mind and eyes to the rich lives that gay people can live.
I so wish that they, especially the young guy, could have come with me to the party I attended last weekend. Two of my closest friends legally wed a few months ago. They've been married in everything but legal document for two decades anyway. They have a son, who's about 9.
My friends hosted a lovely, low-key reception attended by lots of family and friends. What a great afternoon! We were all so happy to be there. Proof positive that being gay is not the path to ending up lonely and without a family.
I talked a long time with one guy's mom. She's full of joy about their life together and happiness -- and of course about that grandchild. Now she's on a mission to fix me up. Who knows . . .
--Gay Guy
5 comments:
Interesting story you got here. I'd like to read more about this matter. The only thing I would like to see here is some pics of some gizmos.
Kate Watcerson
phone jamming
Wow!! You are making a lot of progress toward being less miserable. It's not always easy, but it is worth it.
As another gay man, I totally agree with Gay Guy and Straight Guy--you will find lots of love and friends and family. You have a great future ahead of you.
Sounds like Mom hasn't known many gay folks - I take it for granted that everyone does (and recognizes that they know gay folks, not just "confirmed bachelors/ spinsters). I agree with SG's earlier comment: some of the gay men I know have fuller social lives than me, including the one who keeps in touch with every man he's ever dated. Seems weird to me, but it might actually be healthy, and he's certainly not alone.
I was 16-just-turned-17 when I came out to some of my friends and family (wow, that will be four years ago exactly in two days...tempus fugit). I remember that when I was in high school, I would think about guys all the time but try to convince myself that it wasn't for me and that I was straight (false). And, though it was slightly awkward navigating the coming out process, it did get better, and fast. There are bumps along the way, but you will have friends to talk to and help you through it. Don't be worried if most of them are female. All of the friends I came out to first were women because I wasn't sure how to talk about it with my male friends. That became easier with time. So, just give yourself some time. It does get better.
Hugs from New Zealand.
There's some good news. The mom's justification that you "will probably end up lonely and lose a lot of my family," does not ring true.
We're ALL lonely sometimes, but we determine the state of our relationships. No one has to stay lonely. As far as the loss of family, you'll keep the ones worth keeping and lose the ones worth losing. It will all shake out. Time is on your side.
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