My Blog Broke My Boyfriend: Gay Guy Lament

Straight Guy,

Spied this article on gay living in the New York Times last week.

The article portrays a gay life that I don't have any familiarity with . . and probably don't want any familiarity with. Do straights think this is how gays live, at least urban, professional gay couples without kids. For me, the guys in the article might as well live on another planet.

First of all, this couple -- who've now broken-up, which is the nut of the article--are only in their early 30s and must have well over $1 million in mortgages on their two places. My friends (gay and straight) and I live more modest lifestyles still: We are still safely under the six-figure salary mark, are saving to buy, or live in condos or starter houses. My coupled friends can afford bigger and better space, but we all live in a normal zone. Those of us who own our places appreciate the tax deduction, but also spend a certain amount of time listening to and waiting for appliances to die. In my condo, it's a photo finish to see which memorial service comes first -- the dishwasher or washer/dryer. My one friend with a grand townhouse and beach house has a now-ex partner who has an unnaturally good head for real estate. The now-ex partner got the house, my friend found freedom in a condo.

In other words, the men in the NYT article just live a different life and breath different air than I do. Part of me is jealous of the New York apartment and country house straight out of the movies. Part of me knows that money doesn't buy happiness, thank you Mom, as the article points out.

Two things to note in the article:

1) Blogging about their lives contributed to their break-up. The one blogged about didn't want such a public existence.
2) The article is a bird's eye view of a party they gave. They were to have a commitment ceremony and had invited friends from afar and made deposits that couldn't be returned. Although they broke up three months before the event, they went ahead with it.

One half of the now-dissolved partnership brought a date to the commitment ceremony turned final lake house hurrah.

Mom was also right that money doesn't buy class, good manners, or sensitivity either.

--Gay Guy


Kathryn said...

GG: I've got to tell you...I'm not getting the blog as being the catalyst that ended this union. They got together, they lived together, they broke up. I've often wondered....are gay unions any more likely to survive than the hetero ones? No's always hard, sad and messy. Someone always comes out of it in a better position than the other. I guess these guys were featured because they were gay, had several homes and therefore more to lose? Made for a more interesting story? I don't get it. Houses, children....splitting up is HARD. Period.
Stepping down now (sniff.).

Gay Guy said...


I don't buy the blog as the catalyst for the break-up either. Who breaks up over a blog? The best piece of relationship wisdom I ever heard was, "People are seldom really fighting about what they are fighting about."

Mostly I highligted the blog-as-break-up device as a cautionary tale for SG. He better not dump me three months before our nonsexual civil unionizing. I will not go quietly. I will keep the lake house. I will get a big angry dog.

Sometimes I think that gay unions have a better chance of making it because there is so much work to be overcome on the way to getting there. Looking over my contacts list, I see that most of my friends in relationships of whatever stripe have been in them for a long time now.

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