First Rule of Straight Guy Club: You Do Not Talk About Wire Hangers!

Gay Guy,

Film.com has compiled a list of the 50 greatest movie monologues. Better than that, they've managed to YouTube almost all of them. Good stuff if you're prepping for an audition. Which we definitely are not.

"Do you feel lucky, punk?"
"You talkin' to me?"
"I could have been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."
"Greed is good."
"You do not talk about Fight Club."

Took me a moment to realize how this list is dominated by classic straight guy performances. Not much for your team to sink it's teeth into. Though the "No wire hangers!" moment from Mommie Dearest has a certain drag ferociousness to it, perhaps even more than the Tootsie big-reveal quote also included on the list.

What's missing from the list? Any great monologues from Philadelphia or Priscilla? Or am I thinking too narrowly? (No. I don't really think that gay-friendly monologues are limited to the topics of HIV and disco drag queens.) Women, what about you? There's got to be more than Gone With the Wind.

Side note: Is it possible that gay guys are fans of the Mommie Dearest, Baby Jane, and Virginia Woolf films because those characters (wild eyed, verbally merciless, and overly made up older women) scare the crap out of straight guys? I'll admit it. Though I admire the performances, I can hardly endure them. To get run over and ripped apart by a woman like that... give me Pride of the Yankees or Blade Runner anytime.

--Straight Guy