I Always Thought "Bros Before Hos" Was Kind of Gay
Here's proof.
Thanks to these guys for making my point. Yes, sometimes new girlfriends (and boyfriends) can annoy long-time friends. But I've always said that real friends don't hold their friends back when it comes to the pursuit of the opposite sex. If they "protest too much" then they have issues of their own.
--Straight Guy
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6 comments:
I'm totally borrowing this, SG. And I think I've become a fan.
Are you guys in a bromance?
It reminds me of the bromance between "JD" and "Turk" on the series "Scrubs". What? Am I the only one who watches it?? It's hilarious...
Hmm... I don't think there is that much wrong with the bros before hos thing, I mean, obviously you wouldn't take it to some extreme, but it works and makes sense when it comes to certain situations. For example:
I had two really good friends, Johnny and Kyle, and the three of us were really close. Self proclaimed "brothers." But when Johnny got a girlfriend, Kayla, times that the three of us had planned to hang out, he would call or text us after he was supposed to be there and say that he was with his girlfriend and would either be really late, or that he was going to have to cancel on us. Kyle was dating someone and he didn't do any of the stuff that Johnny pulled.
Johnny would invite his girlfriend over to Kyle's house when he was there, he would be in the middle of hanging out with us and then get a text from her saying she wanted to see him and he would go. He wouldn't tell her that he was already busy, he would just go. And it's not like they never saw each other, whenever he wasn't with us, he was with her. They lived only a few blocks apart. We started seeing him less and less until finally he stopped hanging out with us completely.
Now there is a back story to Kayla. She had been best friends with Kyle's ex Sarah, so we knew her already. She was a bitch. She would talk about us behind our backs and spread rumors about us and she was wicked superficial and fake to our faces.
After a while of Johnny dating her, he started acting like her. He was already whipped, he would do whatever she asked, but then he started helping her spread rumors. He started by telling me that Kyle was cheating on his girlfriend with his Sarah. I went and asked him and he denied it. So I turned back around and asked Johnny where he heard it from. He told me that Sarah had told him. So I told that to Kyle and we asked her why she would say something like that which wasn't true. She told us that she never said anything like that, and she also made sure to say that it wasn't true. So I went back to Johnny and told him that Sarah denied having said that to him. Then Johnny said that he was forgetful, it was Kayla who had told him, because Sarah had told Kayla. By that point I was getting really skeptical and I didn't believe him because that is the kind of rumor that Kayla would start. I told him that and he changes his mind again and tells me that Kayla didn't really tell him, Johnny said that he was there when it happened. Kyle was pissed. Kyle Sarah Johnny and Kayla had hung out together once, and Kyle assumed that was the situation Johnny was talking about, so he went to Johnny and asked why he would say that when he saw that him and Sarah did nothing, they were just hanging out, and nothing happened. Johnny said to Kyle that he was to busy making out with Kayla and he didn't pay any attention to what Kyle and Sarah were doing.
We knew it was all a big lie by this point, but Kyle's girlfriend, who was already overly jealous, believed Johnny. It nearly ruined Kyle's relationship. They have gotten mostly past it, but his relationship is still pretty rough right now. It was at that point that Kyle and I decided to stop talking to him, and now Johnny is not friends with us anymore.
Johnny ended up breaking up with his girlfriend, and tried to be friends with us again. He told us that he was in love with Kayla and that he was just doing what she wanted so she would stay with him. Now I'm sorry but that is bullshit. You don't do that to your friends just for a girl. Needless to say we didn't take him back.
After having been through all that, Bros before Hos is not a bad thing. Again, you don't need to do it to any extreme, you don't need to reject a girl for your friends, be sensible about it but it's not definitely not a bad thing.
Wow, Brian, thanks for the response. I'm not sure I processed it all.
But you're making my point. Too much drama negates a good friendship. A good friendship DECREASES the overall drama of life. It's there when you need it and welcomes you back if you've drifted away for a while.
Yes cheating and false accusations are bad things. Maybe some of those folks were bad people. But you're all living in a soap opera. Hurry and get out.
Balance is healthy. But any sane person will easily rank the pursuit of a solid, long-term relationship above "hanging out." Sorry. The normal libido of young straight guys (if they have opportunity and adequate social skills) also makes these priorities crystal clear. Help your friends get some, or at least get out of the way.
I sort-of have a version of a 'bros before' story in my past. I did the classic thing that I've heard my female friends complain about when their friends do it.
Women hate it when their female friends drop them when a new guy is hot in the picture. They get unavailable in terms of time and conversation topics. When things go sour or end, the female friend is back looking for the compassion of the herd.
The life lesson is balance.
I did not keep my balance with my first boyfriend post college. I got swept up in the current, and really deserted my good friend/room mate. I was never around anymore. Yes, that's the way love's journey takes people. But, I wish I'd kept more balance. (First clue was that I felt homesick for my own apartment.) Maybe if things with that guy had worked out, I would have a different view of things.
So, should I have put my bro first? Maybe. Should I have had more balance between my bro and my (it's all too true to call him a) 'ho? Absolutely.
Two thoughts, Brian:
Sounds like your gang was really fused to each other. Is it something you want to repeat?
Call Johnny for a beer. You won't regret it. I believe he was indeed under the spell of an enchantress. He's probably gained a lot of perspective over time. It will be good for both of you.
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