Toddler Activates Parents' Gaydar. Time Out Required?

Straight Guy,

I just read this well-done article in Details magazine online. A great topic: What happens to dads, even "cool" dads, if they think their little kids might be traveling the Yellow Brick Road?

Definitely well written, and the dads in the article were being honest and real.

But it is just so tiresome that the button for "My kid is gay" is displaying stereotypically sissy behavior. Kid enjoys a princess Halloween costume, dad scared. Kid takes down his playmate, dad relieved.

The quote that hits it on the head of the nail:

"I think parents overestimate the miserable life their children will have if they're gay. I think what parents are really worried about is that having a gay child will somehow reflect poorly on their parenting."

Readers, what do you think? Butterfly wings okay for your kid?

--Gay Guy


J9 said...

As the parent of 2 boys - one who enjoys fairy wings, dress up and musicals (at 9), and the other who prefers any sport, car or weapon (at 7) I can say that either of them could be gay and I won't really give a rip. I've had my oldest tell me a passing guy is hot, and in the next breath say he wants a pretty wife. And the youngest has said he supports gay marriage (as do we all). All of their friends know about their likes and dislikes, which means the oldest has far more girls as friends than boys, but they are proud of who they are, and for that, I am grateful!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

I think its cruel for parents to think that their kid being gay is a bad reflection on their parenting, and especially them disliking their own kid for it. First of all, there's nothing wrong with it. Its not like they have an extra head or something. And to dislike your own kid? I don't understand how you could do that in any situation.

So, I respect honesty. But it is sort of warped for them to be relieved at fighting-it doesn't even prove that the kid isn't gay.

Dorn said...

Very interesting read. I don't consider myself to be a progressive parent, but really don't think I'd have an issue if one of my kids was gay. Both are under two, so who the heck knows. My goal is to help them become comfortable in their own skin and be confident in the world. Yes education and their future are ultimately in mind with those goals. But what they choose to do doesn't matter any more to me as who they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. Assuming they are happy and have made actual decisions and not just let life happen to them, I couldn't be disappointed in any thing their future holds.

SteveA said...

The quote that hits the nail on the head is quite true. I have friends with kids and they are homo-phobic and afraid that their kids would turn out gay - and it's because they want "perfection" for their kids - i.e. this is viewed as your typical 2 and a half family.

Time will tell - but I am so afraid that if one of their sons turns out gay they may turn violent - it's not nice to say or think but homophobia can make people do strange things.

What's the solution - no idea - education? love? time? Only God can tell!

j.m. neeb said...

Personally, I would do my best to make sure my child is comfortable with whoever he/she might be and would never consider doing otherwise. Of course, I'm fortunate to be enlightened enough to realize that hetero or homosexuality is not a choice. It's just who we are as humans.

I can't even imagine thinking that "gayness" would be some kind of reflection on my parenting, but I tend to see the world through a different lens than most people.

kathryn said...

Okay, GG. Let's look at this from a (seasoned...yes, that would be ME) mother's perspective:

You have a 7-yo son. You know he's gay. IF he's not into throwing his friends to the ground and ramming Matchbox cars into his friend's Lego buildings, then what do you suggest this mom encourage him to do for socialization and recreation? If the all-girl group at the other end of the playground is engaging in an activity that you know he'd prefer, do you just walk over and casually attempt to integrate him? Would the kids (not to mention the watchful parents) accept this without question?

You've "known" me for years now, GG...and you know I love ya, I hope you realize that if I discovered my child was gay, it wouldn't change a damned thing for me. But, I'm thinking about organized sports, Gymboree, etc.

Maybe there are art classes that might appeal to both sexes (altho, I'll bet it's mostly girls), so what's a mom to do?

You tell me...'cause I really want to know.

straight in upstate said...

I have to say I'm a typical dad. I have fears about how my son will grow up and I can't guarantee I will be tolerant. If he starts believing everything Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter say, we're done. I'll love him and meet my legal obligations to take care of him but he won't be allowed to exercise First Amendment rights in my house. Gay? That would be a relief.

Straight Guy said...

I sure think that I could cope with the news that my kid was gay, and that in a short time I could come full acceptance and support.

Folks worried about their toddlers, though, are just wasting time and energy. Who knows what those maniacs are up to...

And coming out parties for kids? Settle down.

But I have vision of the future. If it needs to adapt to new information, give me a little while. Like Upstate, I'll need a new gameplan if my kid tuns out to be a Tea Partier, Yankees fan, the next Varla Jean, or, god forbid, all three.

I'm sure some of these guys are more fearful of their ability to parent in a new scenario than they are of the news.

I'm not one of those parents who put my kids' self-confidence and happiness above all else. Have you met some of the new breed of entitled teens recently? That's my biggest fear.

Gay Guy / Straight Guy Archive