You Ask, We Answer

A "long-time" reader (hah!) with the handle "Straight but not Narrow" posed the following:
My question here is about items and activities I wonder have an air of gay about them. Not totally straight not totally gay. Can straight guy/gay guy help me on the following:

Vanity Fair. Gay or Straight? Why do I more often than not have to keep it folded with the cover concealled in public places?

Bowling: I love the feel of crushing ten pins with 15 lbs of reactive resin but then there is the immasculating display in the form of that wierd dance that so many people do to make a 4 - 10 split. That seems pretty gay to me.

Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant: Guilty pleasure or gay? The Chachi can't be gay but there's a lot of whining about finding love and starting a family.

Let me take these one by one.

First, you are appropriately confused about Vanity Fair magazine. As far as I know, Madonna has never made a move without letting them have the exclusive. That's a big indicator of gayness. On the other hand, this month's issue provides a preview of the upcoming Indiana Jones movie. The 12-year-old me idolized that character as a masculine role-model, so let's call it straight.

(Side note: I know that I speak for Gay Guy in saying that if VF has any interest in making GG/SG a regular feature, our bags are packed. We are a perfect fit.)

Second, let's talk about the bowling dance. Look no further than Fred Flintstone for assurance of straightness. As he demonstrated, it doesn't matter if you pliƩ, waltz, or vogue your way to the line... if you can drop the pins, no one will make an issue of your orientation.

Have to subtract one point for your Scott Baio question, though. Formal etiquette dictates that it is proper to address Arthur Fonzarelli as "The Fonz." Sadly, Chachi Arcola never even came close to earning the honorific of being addressed as "The Chachi." On the positive side, Scott Baio is Pregant is by far the least insulting of the straight but skanky lineup on VH1 right now (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, My Fair Brady, etc.).

So, Not Narrow, unless GG has any objections, my assessment is that you are safely straight. We all have guilty pleasures, but we don't have to question our sexuality because of them.

If we did, I'd be most worried about the fact that I've made three Wizard of Oz references on this blog already. (See Flying Monkeys, There's no Place Like..., and Wicked Witch.)

Thanks for the question. Can we help anyone else?

--Straight Guy

2 comments:

NoComment said...

Look, you need self-control on the bowling. If you're gonna yank a 7-10 split, you gotta remember to be man enough to just stamp your foot real hard on the alley (manly like), as if you're trying to make one of those pins tumble.

If you're actually doing that silly uh-oh-I've-thrown-a-split mincing, you're a lost cause.

And kick that ball return machine, damn it!

Automotively Perplexed said...

Another gay-straight divide question. As I was driving home the other day, I was almost the victim of an aggressive driver. It wasn't the driving that held my attention -- it was rush hour afterall and he could have had a bad day. But it was his car. What is with the ridiculously masculine Dodge Magnum? Even the name drips tetosterone. So, I thought of you two. What are gay cars? Maybe the MiniCooper? A hybrid? My gay friends like an SUV just as much as the next guy/girl/hermaphradite. Some quick research found this: http://www.gaywheels.com/top_10_researched_vehicles_on_1.htm, but are these really gay cars? I'm stumped on this one.

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