Potayto, Potahto, Tomayto, Tomahto

Reader RG gives us a link and asks about the divide in straight / gay food...
Top 10 most disgusting candies

Can you tell me if there is such a thing as straight food or gay food? Or do you guys eat the same thing?
Remember this book?: Real Men Don't Eat Quiche

Thanks, RG. Gross link, but a good topic. I'll admit that in the real world my gaydar is weak. But in the grocery store, I think I'm more on target. Is it this easy...?:

Straight Food / Gay Food
  • Pancakes / Crepes
  • Sandwiches / Wraps
  • Salsa / Guacamole
  • Pies / Tarts (see exception below)
  • Pop Tarts / Toaster Strudel
  • Jello / Flan
  • Froot Loops / Kashi
  • 2% Milk / 1% Milk
  • Doritos / Triscuits
  • Yoo-Hoo / Silk Milk
  • Gatorade / Vitamin Water
  • Apples / Pears
  • Ham Quiche / Mushroom Quiche

Do you have a list GG? I'm blanking on gay junk food (Triscuits don't count.)

Great article here, by the way. Apparently the BLT sandwich is a big tipoff.

[UPDATE: Gay Guy and Straight Guy were out and about yesterday and happened upon an ice cream truck. Straight Guy got an ice cream cookie sandwich, Gay Guy ordered a Mango Dreamcicle. Please. Case closed.]

--Straight Guy

Aren't you surprised that "Fruit Loops" is straight?

I am standing in front of my refrigerator. Here is the assessment.....

Gay food in my frig:
  • White wine
  • Fat-free mayo
  • French sea salt
  • Fresh organic thyme
  • Pomegranate juice
  • Marmalade
  • Frozen Acai smoothie packs (not even sure what these are)
  • 3 votive candles

Straight food in my frig:
  • Latvian rye bread
  • Frozen meat loaf
  • Applesauce

Questioning food in my frig:
  • Yogurt
  • Maple syrup

--Gay Guy

GG, GG, GG... where did you get the impression that straight guys come home from work, turn on ESPN, crack open a beer, and enjoy hunks of refrigerated Latvian rye bread?

And double check... Are you also telling us that you have so many scented candles that you are storing the overflow votives in your crisper drawer and labeling them as food?

Look, it's clear that the gay/straight food divide is easily identified by the use of descriptive modifiers. Look at your adjective-heavy list of gay foods... then look to my list, where the only modifier is: "ham." The exception to this rule is Marmalade which is definitely an "out" condiment (as well as a famous disco prima donna).

--Straight Guy

7 comments:

Gay Guy said...

SG, you are so right... Marmalade would be a good drag name.

Straight in Upstate said...

Yet again, by superficial standards, I don't know who the hell I'm supposed to be. By SG's standards I appear to be on the fence - yes on pancakes, but heavy on the kashi, guacamole, wraps, and fat-free milk. (It's called Weight Watchers, SG - that sugar and refined white flour will kill you.) I'm fairly straight by GG's list - I'm low on adjectives, but again I appear to be major questioning based on the three tubs of yogurt and several containers of maple syrup.

Straight But Fabulous said...

Can we all back up a moment? Everyone has very conveniently glossed over the votive candles that GG admitted having in his frig.

Is this for calorie free late night snacking? (if so how's that working out?) Do they have a flavor name? Mango votives? Pomegranete votives? Roy Roger votives?

Straight Guy said...

Sorry Upstate, sugars and refined white flour make up the base of my food pyramid. They say perfection can only found in nature, but have you been in Krispy Kreme lately?

Straight Shooter said...

I have to agree with Upstate. Based on SG's list I'm either on the fence or bi. I'm the kind of person who can eat a burger for dinner and a crepe for dessert. And, I'm sorry, but Vitamin Water rocks! Nothing better than a "Revive" after a late night red wine and Flan bender.

As for the sugar and refined white flour thing...just the base of your food pyramid?

Gay Guy said...

There's a reasonable explanation for the votive candles in my frig. To be more precise, it's votive candle holders, I suppose. See, I burned votive candles, which are all wax, not tea lights, which are, I think by definition, candles in little tin bases. So now the molten wax is stuck to the glass candle holder. I thought if I put them in the frig, the wax would contract because of the cold. . . oh, never mind. . .

Straight But Fabulous said...

GG - How disappointing. I thought we were onto a new fad diet to try out.

BTW - the frig is exactly opposite of what you should do to remove wax. Hot water. Microwave. We can have a more detailed discussion off line.

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