Product Watch: Dead Sexy

Gay Guy,

A pair of funeral directors in Germany have created some "tasteful" coffins for their gay customers (top image). These guys are partners in life as well as business. Their coffins feature dozens of "images of muscular young men in classical poses." That'd be quite a send-off. "We believe you should be able to have a coffin that lets you embark on your last journey in a way that reflects how you lived your life." Sound like you, GG? [link, link]

But don't think that gays -- or slasher movies -- have a monopoly on sex=death symbolism. In Poland, the coffin manufacturer Lindner is currently distributing the latest edition of their racy catalog. It features their line of caskets (natch) and foxy ladies in various states of undress (wait, what?).
Interpretation: One minute you're choking on a chunk of steak, and the next you're being wheeled around by a Bond villianesse in thigh-highs and stilettos. That's a different angle for the mortuary market, for sure. Local church officials are upset and have let it be known: "Death is NOT sexy!" Yeah. So you better have a good story ready by the time you have to explain this scenario to St. Peter. [link, link]

Finally, today is World AIDS Day. To try to raise awareness and funds for the cause, a few celebrities have killed their digital personae (gone silent on Twitter, Facebook, etc.) and they won't be resurrected until they gather $1 mil in donations. See Kim Kardashian Is Dead, above (corpses always look a little waxy, right?). I support the cause so I hope the game works. But, really? Do we need to reinforce these celebs' sense of self-importance to the point where we pay ransom for their tweets? I think some of us would pay extra if they promise to stay away even longer. [link, link]

In any case, I don't want anyone to struggle with these decisions (or the cost of disposal) when I die. No need for anything stylish or sexy. Like any reasonable straight guy, I have given Mrs. SG the directive to roll me up in newspaper and stash me under the porch. Done and done.

--Straight Guy


Oddyoddyo13 said...

Haha, I was expecting the body rolled down the river in the trash bag with the leftovers, BUT you went one step above that one, SG.

Straight in Upstate said...

I'm sure you've heard this many times: what the hell is wrong with you!? You ain't right.

Brutalism said...

Straight Guy - As someone who makes her living in marketing, I have to say I'm kind of digging this whole "sexy" angle. And while they're at it...they should convince funeral directors to update the decor in funeral homes from early farmhouse nausea to something a little more sleek and contemporary. Otherwise, I will insist my final send-off take place in the lobby of some hip LA hotel.

Straight Guy said...

Oddy: OK, so now I have my Plan B, too. Thanks for that.

Upstate: I'm right as rain. A little heavy on the sarcasm, maybe. Really, does anyone really need anything more than a box of pine to get the job done? Use the rest of the cash to take a nice vacation and think of me fondly. In all seriousness, Mrs. SG and I have our organ donor status up to date and are also willing to be used as med school gross anatomy subjects if needed.

Brutalism, death has been sexualized forever. But I've been to trendy LA hotels and they ain't all that. Especially the ones with the endless thumping techno music. But when your remains arrive, I will ask them to turn it up extra loud.

Gay Guy said...

Regarding the hot male images on the casket:
--Could they paint them on the inside, too. That might bring me back to life.
--It would be so ironic for me to be surrounding in firm male flesh in for eternity in death, but seldom in life.

Brutalism, I don't know that I will be able to join you in a hipster send off. In death, as in life, I fear being rejected by the cool kids. I would like my friends and family to gather and remember me, but no ugly flowers, no sappy music, no bad poetry about death. . . . Yeah, scratch the funeral idea.

Murr Brewster said...

Your St. Peter (really? that's a saint now?) scenario is chilling. Thank goodness I don't believe in heaven. I haven't a doubt in my mind I'd show up and the whole heavenly host would snicker at my casket. "It's been done," they'd say. I'm never au courant.

Tinkerschnitzel said...

I find these interesting. Hopefully, they will help some people come out of their shells when it comes to discussing death and funeral arrangements. You have no idea how many family fights this leads to after a person is dead. (I work in a church and see it too often.) BTW, my hubby will be cremated and turned into a diamond. Then I can snicker when he gets passed down through the family.

kathryn said...

Gee. I wonder if that model knew what they'd wind up doing with her photo. I mean, imagine getting up for a hard (HA.) day of modeling and telling people, "I'm dragging a coffin down an alley in stilettos, bare-assed."
I mean, really. Death may not be sexy...but it's evidently fair ground for porn.

Straight in Upstate said...

If Wait Wait Don't Tell Me can be trusted: apparently the "Kim Kardashian is Dead (to Twitter)" campaign backfired - no one wanted her to come back to Twitter, and in fact donated to AIDS charities, but not the one in this ad.

Straight Guy said...

Upstate: You are correct, they didn't even make it to half of their goal, but a huge donation from some big pharma co. put them over the top. That option wasn't in the sales pitch, but they are now free to tweet.

Gay Guy / Straight Guy Archive