My warm weather wind-down included a week at the beach. Peaceful and free of drama, except for one small moment.
Mrs. Straight Guy and I were setting up our umbrella on a not-too-crowded stretch of sand. Out of nowhere, she commented on the "perfect body" of a woman strolling up the beach. It wasn't a direct question, but her phrasing had a slightly raised tone that led me to believe that I should respond with my review.
Classic relationship catch-22. Yeah, it's similar to the how-do-I-look-in-this-outfit scenario. But I find that one easily solved: just say "I think you look great," and, preferably, mean it. I always do.
When it comes to rating third parties, though, options are very limited. There's got to be something between a drooling "hubba hubba" and a lie ("Charlize Theron is a troll"), right? If she asks, I need something diplomatic that respects both my honest assessment as well as her feelings.
Mrs. SG and I don't have too much tension in this regard, neither of us is the jealous type. I'm sure she didn't mean to put me in gotcha mode. So, this was an odd moment, and I was caught unprepared. My response was minimal, barely verbal. "Huh? Wha? Mm. Eh." Translation: "What are you talking about? You mean over there? Oh, I see. Yeah, but honestly nothing to worry about."
The moment passed. Any lingering tension was quickly softened by the fact that the woman in question had a VERY annoying voice (vocal lovechild of The Nanny and Sling Blade).
Readers, how'd I do? How do you navigate this stuff?
As you alluded to, I am not a fan of Dockers. Especially their trousers. There is something about their design or fit -- does not show off the ass well -- that's sure to kill off the projection of sexiness in a man. When men start wearing Dockers, it's a sure sign that they given up on having sex. Even with their mates. Don't let their Web site trick you; the pants don't look that good on real men.
Over the weekend, I went on a long hike. One of the guys on the hike (the hottest guy there, BTW) was wearing Dockers underwear. Two points: 1) Who knew Dockers made underwear? 2) I only saw the underwear because he pulled up his T-shirt to wipe the sweat off his face; I saw the band of his underwear peeking up over his shorts.
Conclusion: This guy and his flat stomach had not given up on having sex. Nor had sex given up on having him.
I'm not much for the "OMG Adorbz!" genre of captioned kitten photos and other cuddly web crap. But I'll let this tidbit from Japan sneak in under my radar. No point really. Just impossible cuteness and helplessness all captured on video.
Can you resist? Or better yet, if this was your dog, could you PUT DOWN THE EFFING CAMERA and help? Jiminy Christmas!
I am the last person in the United States to become a regular Target shopper. Where I live, they are in strip malls in out the suburbs. Being an urban guy with no car, I don't suburban strip mall.
Now there's a Target in the city, about a 15-minute walk from my apartment, so I am getting to know my way around the store.
When I was there Saturday afternoon it was gay guy central. Lots of male couples. It a gay Noah's Ark: two by two. They were mostly in their 20s or early 30s. It was really sweet and heartwarming.
The Target is across from a new Bed, Bath, and Beyond. My city has several colleges and it looks like it was move in weekend for all of them. BBB and Target were jammed with kids, parents, overflowing carts, and long lines.
One dad had a video cam and was filming every aspect of the family's shopping trip. He took pictures, too. I don't blame the daughter for having a melt down on him, but she was so obnoxious that it reminded me why some animals eat their young.
Enthusiastic commenter and fellow blogger Kathryn posted a great comment about rings on men.
Kathryn, I'm really surprised that you'd guess that only 20 percent of married men wear wedding rings. Really, that low? I am trying to think of any straight married men who don't wear wedding rings; there's a few at work, but I think that's a cultural thing.
Wedding/commitment rings are important as code, not just as bijou. I see a guy who's attractive, first piece of evidence I search for is the ring. Ring check. Ring on the wedding finger -- deal killer. Ring on the right hand -- "Are you gay . . . or European?" Either way, I respect the ring. It's a game stopper.
About half of the committed gay men I know wear some kind of ring. I like the rings for their symbolic value and their beauty. I also like that they are a neon sign blinking, "No Vacancy, no vacancy." I get pissed off when unavailable men don't wear some kind of ring. I just think that taken men should wear some kind of badge or tattoo that says "off the market." Look guys, take pity on your single brothers and remember how much work dating is.
A couple of years ago, a female friend said, in a fit of anger, that married men who don't wear wedding rings should be shot. I used to think her comment was harsh; several single years later, I get it.
If you get a ring, I think that people should get to choose or at least approve the ring. Several years ago, a good friend moved in with his boyfriend. It wasn't just a living arrangement, it was a symbol of their commitment. Then the BF surprised my friend with another symbol of commitment: a ring. A big fat, bright, chunky ring. Oh, it was not lovely. Gold, wide, big setting around a flat emerald bigger than my thumb nail. Like a green large signet ring. My friend just didn't know what to say or do. It wasn't his style, he wasn't sure if he wanted a ring at all -- and certainly not that ring. But, how do you say, "Honey, how kind. But could I pick another?" Last I saw, he was still wearing it. It was just easier -- and more loving -- to keep wearing it, comfortable or not.
Did you know? In celebration of legal same-sex marriage in Vermont, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream has announced the renaming of it's Chubby Hubby flavor to Hubby Hubby. They are working with freedomtomarry.org. Here's a quote from the corporate press release:
“At the core of Ben & Jerry’s values, we believe that social justice can and should be something that every human being is entitled to,” said Walt Freese, Chief Executive Officer of Ben & Jerry’s. “From the very beginning of our 30 year history, we have supported equal rights for all people. The legalization of marriage for gay and lesbian couples in Vermont is certainly a step in the right direction and something worth celebrating with peace, love and plenty of ice cream.”
Looks like the party will only last a month, and it's too complicated to change ALL of their retail packaging, but if you're headed to Vermont, enjoy.
I can speak from experience that Chubby Hubby is an excellent flavor (pretzels and peanut butter) and this is a great idea as a conversation starter. But, not sure if I'm interested in the sexualization of all my snack foods (that means you, Twinkies).
I can also speak from experience that Ben and Jerry are great guys, having spent a long morning in a van with both of them. Don't let your imagination run wild, GG. This was a long time ago when I was slave labor for a TV network, and had to get them (and a bazillion ice cream samples) to a remote location for a morning TV show. They were friendly and fun, which is more than I can say for most of the people I had to transport at 5:00 a.m.
Yes, the Cheese and Burger Society is nothing but a front for the Wisconsin Dairy Producers. Yes, they are using me as a viral marketing tool. Do I feel exploited? No, just a little empty inside... and by that I mean hungry as hell. Mission complete, dairy farmers, you shameless bastards. You got me.
Follow the link and let the java app load to view a rolodex of 30 creative cheeseburger recipes. Each features a sexy photo as well as a voice-over by Patrick Warburton, king of sarcastic macho over-annunciation. Don't forget to check out the "Meet the Cheese" bonus feature. "Never trust a man that doesn't eat Gorgonzola."
Forget wikipedia, this is why the internet exists.
Checking for ingredients to see if I can pull off a Crabby Louie (17) or Johnny Appleseed (29) immediately.
Happy End-of-Summer, Gay Guy.
