Rock Out, Gay Idol!

Gay Guy,

Today is the day Adam Lambert's Rolling Stone cover story leaks and, no duh, he's gay. Even my gaydar was strong enough to make an early call on this one.

A Rolling Stone cover is a big deal. And he had the EW cover a few weeks ago. That's pretty impressive for someone who was an unknown understudy a few months ago. Poor Kris Allen, the guy who actually won, is probably going to have to settle for the cover of Parade Magazine. Adam has obviously come out on top in terms of notoriety and momentum as they each begin to work on their albums.

That's what I love about American Idol. The premise is real. Stars are made. A Rolling Stone cover might seem premature, but I think Adam might be the best contestant they've ever had, and has professional potential to match any of their other successes.

I an earlier post, I wondered why many of Adam's female fans seemed to lose their hormonal composure even though they must know that he's gay. Why, for example, would they take off their tops and rush the stage? What's the point of that? Even if I was the world's biggest Ellen DeGeneres fan, I would know that dropping trou would get me nothing, especially not a backstage pass.

Maybe I'm being too harsh, though. A fan is a fan is a fan. If they want Adam that badly let them try. Here's a few quotes (of hundreds) from women on the RS board today:

- When I read the part where he said he was gay my heart sank. I love him no matter what! I don’t care if he is gay or strait or bi! I will always love him more than you can imagine and will dream about being with him.

- I’ve known he was gay since the “kissing” and “dressed up” pictures started showing up in youtube and I thought I was going to get turned off but the moment I saw him perform again the following Tuesday, I was hypnotized. Yes, hypnotized is term I would use - how else can I explain it? I try to fight it, trust me, I’m still trying. But something is pulling me and I can’t shake it off - yes, I think Adam has hypnotized me! When he sings, I can’t think of anything else. I’m not sure exactly what he does but yes, I honestly think he is a glittery alien from Planet Fierce.

- HOT HOT HOT! My only regret is that you are not Bi like me so older women like myself would stand a chance — oh well, I’ll settle for drooling. Yummy sweetheart, you be your bad, beautiful, fabulous self. We are SO READY for you. Thank you for LOVING YOURSELF enough to be honest give us the gift of your music and presence.

- He’s gay? My heart sank a bit. I personally don’t agree with homosexuality. After some soul searching, I realize am still a fan of Adam Lambert, gay or straight. I enjoy listening to his songs and that’s all that matters. Who are we to judge others? BTW, GOD loves everyone.

- ADAM is so sexy. I don’t care if he’s gay, just as long as he keeps giving those sexy glances while on stage. He has the most beautiful pale blue eyes I have ever seen. ADAM is my Dream Lover.

- I’m from the age group that was in love with Elvis. It’s time for someone else to wear that crown and ADAM is the obvious KING! As to his sexuality, all I can say is ….another great loss for womanhood.

Here's Adam's take:

"I don't think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear I'm gay. I've been living in Los Angeles for eight years as a gay man. I've been at clubs drunk making out with somebody in the corner."

"I loved it this season when girls went crazy for me. As far as I'm concerned, it's all hot. Just because I'm not sticking it in there doesn't mean that I don't find it beautiful."

Look for Adam's first single, "I'm Not Sticking It In There," to drop in September. But for now, his glam cover photo seems to be working it's magic. Dig the snake, Adam, but the butterfly is creeping me out. Must I remind folks that pins and brooches in the crotch/groin area are not a good idea? Yikes.

--Straight Guy

UPDATE 6/10: Couldn't resist these other comments which also hit the RS post last night:

- I’m 30, beautiful, smart and career-oriented. I’m nice and sweet but sexy and naughty in appearance. I’ve always wanted men I can’t have and Adam, you are my ultimate challenge. Just show a little bit of curiosity and the willingness to experiment - and I will give you a taste of what you have been missing and will turn you into a man! But if that doesn’t work, do you need a surrogate? I want to infuse my offspring with your supernatural genetic makeup!

- The boy is sexy and I don’t give a damn if he is gay. Adam you can always come home sexy…you can always come home. There will be a lot of women, including me, that will gladly welcome you.

Readers, what's your take? Is this flattering, insulting, or just plain nutty?

Last Night, Last Night: Showtune Showdown

Straight Guy,

The Tony Awards were last night. Were you glued to your television? No?

I've said it before, but we gays love the Tony Awards. Love 'em. I say bring on the stereotype. I can't explain why gay men like musical theater; I think it's because generally speaking musicals end happily. The two romantic leads find each other.

This year's Tony awards show was so bad. Just horrible. Gassy, flabby, boring. If there was ever a production in need of a Broadway producer, it's was . . . Hey, wait . . .

The shining moment was the last two minutes, when host Neil Patrick Harris pulled off a wonderful song with lyrics that summarized the night highlights. Worth waiting for.

Why can't the lyrics, and performances, on Broadway be that good?

--Gay Guy

Straight Comics / Gay Comics

Gay Guy,

It's a newsworthy summer in the comic book industry, and I though I'm not much of a fanboy myself, I'm sure that you are completely out of the loop on this stuff. Here's a quick rundown on the gay and straight highlights:

• Archie picks... Veronica! Not sure what Betty did to deserve this. They've always done their best to make the Veronica/Betty choice an impossible one for Archie. It's one of the only appealing aspects to an otherwise fairly humorless storyline. Archie's appeal was never obvious, but both girls were clearly crazy for him. What adolescent boy wouldn't go for that? Maybe, in the end, Archie went for the money. I won't be surprised if the publishers find a way for Arch to change his mind, or back out completely. Betty deserves better, anyway (Hey, I made my choice a long time ago). LINK

• Marvel Divas. Something for both straights (see above) and gays (read blow) here, GG. A new storyline pulls several b-list heroines together. Here's the promo copy:

What happens when you take four of the Marvel Universe's most fabulous single girls and throw them together, adding liberal amounts of suds and drama? You get the sassiest, sexiest, soapiest series to come out of the House of Ideas since Millie the Model! Romance, action, ex-boyfriends, and a last page that changes everything! Let your inner divas out with this one, fellas, you won't regret it! Parental Advisory.

• Still not convinced that comic books are targeting gay consumers? How about this plot device: Tim Gunn puts on the Iron Man suit to save Fashion Week. Yeah, you heard me.

After runway models Mary Jane (yes, Peter Parker's Mary Jane) and Patsy Walker (alias: Hellcat) team up to clear Millicent Collins (aka Millie the Model) of murdering a set designer, the fashion guru borrows Robert Downey Jr.'s shiny supersuit to save the day and guide the designer's ladies. LINK

Next up, Hulk's torn purple pants (the original manpris) are trashed on "What Not To Wear." But Hulk no like vertical stripes!

--Straight Guy

Gay / Straight Advice: Friends or Frienemies?

Question from a gay reader:

Dear Gay and Straight Guys,

I have a really hard time making and keeping friends. Living in an army town, people come and go and there's not much I can do about it but enjoy the friendships while they last. Thing is, most of my friends are straight guys. I don't really seem to get along with gay guys and women all that much, I don't know why. I just seem more comfortable hanging with straight guys, perhaps because the gay guys and women in my area seem to treat me more like competition rather than a potential friend and I have too low a self-esteem to be around that kind of competitiveness. I enjoy my straight guy friends because there's no competition there. I can just be me and that's good enough for them.

But lately, every straight guy I've had gotten close to, there seems to be some sort of crossing of boundaries. Like my current friends, two married men I usually hang together with on weekends. From day one there was some flirting from their end, even before I came out to them. It started out as nicknames like "Pretty Ricky" and "Pretty Boy" which I sharply denied, which only encouraged them to escalate to see how far they could push my buttons. Eventually it turned to putting their foot on my leg while sitting on the couch or trying to engage me into wrestling match.

For example, one just picked me off the couch out of the blue and but me in his lap and held me close as if I was some sort of baby. Later on that same night, he had feigned sleeping in his son's room and when his wife told me to go in and wake him up, he pulled me into the bed with him and wrestled me to floor. Then went back to "sleep" with me still in a choker hold. I had to tell HIM, a straight guy, that that was too much male physical contact for me, a gay guy. And this was the first day I met him, within minutes of him learning I was gay.

At first I didn't really have a problem with it. I've had this stuff happen to me before. In college I hung out with a lot of frat guys who did the same thing. I didn't really take it as sexual, more as immature and mildly annoying. Besides they mostly did it when their wives were around so it seemed like they were showing off to get a reaction from their wives, who often just ignored it. Also I just took it as their way of showing me they were comfortable with my sexuality. I probably would have preferred a less physical way of showing me this but I guess that's just how their personality's are.

It started being a problem when the touching became more frequent and public and often times both of them were touching me at the same time which caused some anxiety in me. I tried telling them to stop but they just laugh and keep doing it. It's not so much that they're touching me in any sexual way, it's more so it's just that they're invading my personal space. It's like I'm some sort of "pet" to them or a toy. In fact, the way they touch me is very much in the same way they treat their dogs. It's the very opposite of sexual and more rough and incredibly annoying.

I guess that's my fault for being inconsistent with them on what my boundaries are. I've only known them less than a month and already I'm comfortable enough with them to eat from the same plates as them and drink from the same beer cans. They also act inconsistently with me as well. One day I can make a joke about how good I am at sucking dick and they think its hilarious. Then next week and make a similar joke and they think it's gross and start acting homophobic like I'm trying to come on to them. Other times they can be touching me but when I tickle them or touch them back they push me away. There's lines being crossed here but since there's inconsistency on both sides on where the lines are, I'm left confused and frustrated and there are days I intentionally try to avoid them because I honestly don't know how they expect me to act around them.

Thing is though, like I mentioned earlier, I don't make friends easily so I don't want to burn any bridges with what little friends I do have. These guys seem to want me around for the long haul and I'd love to have friends that stick around for years instead of a few months. But I don't know where to begin with these two. What should I do? I don't want to lose what could be the only two friends I might have right now.

GAY GUY RESPONDS:

I felt sad after reading your post. Sad because these guys are not appreciating you, sad because you aren't setting good boundaries, and sad because you don't seem to be able to make friends with other gay men.

Given what you've told me, your two buds are not really buds.

The motivation for their behavior is really weird. I haven't wrestled with a guy since my 6th grade gym class. I don't do those things with Straight Guy, my other straight male friend, or even my gay male friends. I feel like your "friends" are trying to goad you into some kind of reaction or drama. That's not how friends behave.

I'm not a therapist, but I've been in therapy and receive good advice from friends who care about me. So here's my somewhat educated opinion: You are in a bad repetitive cycle. First the frat guys, now these guys. They are not, may I repeat not, showing you that they are comfortable with your sexuality. I don't know what they are trying to show you, but it is not respect.

Please start setting boundaries today. And respect yourself enough to carry through on them. Tell your friends that their behavior is not respectful, that they are not listening to you, and that the behavior must end. Then mean it. If they don't get it and continue to treat you like a child or a pet, move to the other side of the room. Or, better, go home. Trust me, being home by yourself is better for your ego than being harassed.

Confused and frustrated: Here's a starting point. No tales of blow jobs, no tickling, no sharing beer cans. This is not normal behavior for adults. In short, you are part of the problem.

I'm not saying to dump these friends, but I am urging you to set boundaries, say what your boundaries are, then mean it. If you have trouble meaning it, I urge some therapy. You are getting something weird out of this, and it needs to end for everyone.

I'd like to know why you have trouble making and keeping gay male friends because they see you as 'competition.' I don't really know what you mean. Competition for what? For other men? For attention? One thing I have learned along the road is that when you start seeing relationships in competitive terms, everyone loses. (Yes, I used 'loses' deliberately to make my point.)

Please work on the self-esteem issue and give gay men more chances. You might need to say, "Wow. I'm feeling that we are in competition and I don't want that. What do you think is going on here? How are you seeing me?" It'll be scary, but even if they can't respond in the way you want them to, saying how you feel is always good. And, go through the phone book and find a gay club, social group, or support group. Above all, please start taking better care of yourself.

Stay in touch.

STRAIGHT GUY RESPONDS:

Face it, dude, you are being harassed. But I have to agree that you're doing a horrible job of setting boundaries. Plus, your social group's hormones are out of whack. Wrestling in front of their wives, flirty tickling, and oral sex gigglefests? Get a grip.

My harsh assessment? You can't trust your friends, and they don't seem to respect you. Without trust and respect, what kind of friendship do you have? My best advice is to start over. A shared beer can is not a benchmark of a successful relationship. How about you volunteer, play a sport, or take an art class? Don't get stuck. Keep meeting new people.

You have a lot of work to do, and if GG hasn't already recommended therapy, I will. Other gay guys and straight women should not be viewed as competition (unless you really are after straight guys, hmmmm). Many straight guys are perfectly nice, but many are not, and, in general, confused gay guys shouldn't rely on frat-boy-types as their only social connection.

Of course you should "be you." But I don't think you're very comfortable with yourself yet, and these guys are exploiting all of that insecurity. My worst fear is that this could end up in the kind of humiliating episode that causes permanent emotional damage. Just a hunch, but any father/brother issues for you to work out?

Sounds like you feel you don't have many options. But what are your long-term plans? I don't think it's a coincidence that many gay guys leave their small town upbringing to find acceptance in the big cities. Others don't and are probably fine, but I'll bet they find a way to build a better network than you have. If you have to choose between being a loner or a victim, then that's an easy choice.

Get centered, protect yourself, and keep meeting new people. The long-term will take care of itself. We're rooting for you.

--Straight Guy

Beach Blanket Himbo?

Readers,

Today's Gay Guy, Straight Guy exchange:

SG: What are you doing this weekend?
GG: Going to the beach.
SG: To that guy who has the nice house?
GG: Yes.
SG: You didn't make any . . . promises . . . did you?

Proudly or sadly, Gay Guy is not the 'promise to put out for a weekend at the beach' sort of guy. Unless the beach is on St. Bart's. Or Turks and Caicos. (I just like saying Caicos. It sounds gay.)

Wish me luck on the gay end of the beach. If no one kicks sand in my face, that'll be a good start.

--Gay Guy

Cologne Zone: Gay Guy/Straight Guy Whiff?

Straight Guy,

I was in line at the drugstore today, stalled in front of a display of men's cologne, specifically British Sterling, English Leather and Canoe. Had to laugh. Those colognes were popular when I was a tot. In my mind, they were the epitome of sophistication.

What did I know. My dad's fragrance palette was functional only: Old Spice, Vitalis, Brylcream, Right Guard, and Listerine. And yes, worn all at once.

The smell of Right Guard takes me back to childhood faster than Proust and his cookie.

I'm surprised any of these brands have held on into a new millenium.

I'm not a cologne guy. Sure, I went through the obligatory artsy college student's brief romance with sandalwood and patchouli, but I don't think that went on my permanent record.

I don't really want to smell other men (nor women for that matter). At least not until I am up close.

Straight Guy, you don't wear cologne do you? Do you save it for special occasions when you are putting your spell on the ladies?

I can't say that wearing cologne is a stereotypically gay guy thing. My data is skewed. If Iam in a situation where a guy floats by on a cloud of CK1, I'm in a group of gay men, but that's about the only group of men I am ever in.

Incidentally, cologne could have been my friend if I had only let it. A guy I dated (and then some) wore lots of cologne. Even in moderation, this particular scent gave me a headache. A very specific sick headache. Like an icepick between my eyes. Eventually he too became a headache, like an icepick between my eyes. Shoulda smelled it coming.

Any help here folks? Cologne -- gay, straight, sexy, annoying? Leave a comment and let us know.

--Gay Guy

GBFS: Gay Best Friend Syndrome

Gay Guy,

I hope I never treat you as a novelty this way. I can see how it might be annoying at best, or infuriating at worst. I guess it's a fine line between celebrating diversity in friendship and being condescending and melodramatic. Let me know when I cross that line.

Do you have a lot of girlfriends who classify you as their GBF? Annoying or gratifying? Despite the format of this blog, I'll still classify you as FWJHTBG.

Where are all the lesbian best friends for straight guys? Oh yeah, we're gross and annoying and objectify them worst of all. Guess we'll have to work on that. Did I already cross the line mentioned above, or should I start writing a spec script for a sitcom pilot, "Jill and Chase"?

--Straight Guy

FWJHTBG = friend who just happens to be gay

Readers: Any horror or success stories on the GBF phenomenon? Any "Straight Guy / Gay Girl" blogs that we don't know about?

The Gay / Straight Update: June 2, 2009

Readers,

Welcome to a new feature at GG/SG. We're not sure how often we'll be doing this, but we're accumulating bookmarks and links faster than we can comment on them. Let us know what you think. Here are today's selections:

• Princess alert: It's "Gay Days" at Disney World this week. Events include parties, comedy, charity, and of course, parades. LINK1 LINK2 LINK3

• JMU study finds Yoo-Hoo better after workouts than Gatorade. "Chocolate milk drinkers had significantly lower levels of creatine kinase - an indicator of muscle damage." LINK

• Shatner's "Khaan!" scream re-edited to 15-minute study of range and rage. LA Weekly review includes a 2-minute YouTube sample which "doesn't begin to do justice to the size, sound and hypnotic power of the real thing." LINK

• Straight Guy Recommends: "Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions," Andy Samberg's digital short from the MTV Movie Awards. LINK

• Gay Guy Recommends: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

Smooth, Dude, Real Smooth

Gay Guy,

Gillette has released a new set of instructional videos. They cover not only how to shave your face and neck, but other areas, including... you guessed it.

Yes they did.

They've found an animation style that keeps it light, so that viewers like me don't pass out when the danger of nicking my equipment is addressed. "Let the razor do all the work." Um, no, I think I'd like to stay at the controls on this one.

Technically these animations are SFW, but really, why give your coworkers this kind of ammunition?

There are other segments on shaving your head, armpits, etc. Maybe TMI, but I was hoping for some insight from the back-shaving clip. (Minor aesthetic adjustments, nothing major, I swear.) Simple geometry makes this operation very difficult, so I was hoping for a new angle, as it were.

But their advice was useless: have someone else do it.

Really, Gillette? You've engineered a five-blade razor, but can't recommend anything better than monkey-style social grooming? No thanks. I guess I'll have to invent something. (Brainstorm: electric trimmer attached to a vacuum cleaner... it just might work!)

Are there no secrets anymore? Manscaping must be getting more popular than I thought. Readers?

--Straight Guy

Here's a Funny or Die clip on man waxing. I'd vote it NSFW.

--Gay Guy

Then This Happened: Brüno vs Eminem

Yes, it happened. Yes, despite the feigned outrage, Eminem was in on it. What are the odds that this kind of spectacle could involve two superstars, each with a new album or film to promote?

Is Sacha Baron Cohen funny? You decide.

I thought Borat was hilarious and insightful, with a surprising amount of heart. We'll have to see about Brüno. Maybe a GG/SG joint review. Mark your calendars for July 10.

--Straight Guy