The captions aren't really necessary, and many of them aren't funny. The photos are enough.
If you engage in this sick fetish, you should know that the authorities in the UK are working to make this kind of abuse criminal. Here are the details from the Daily Mail.
In case you thought that things were always easier over here on the straight side of the fence, here are some excerpted results of a recent survey by Parenting Magazine:
46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more. Those with kids younger than 1 are even more likely to be mad that often (54 percent). About half of the moms describe their anger as intense but passing; 1 in 10 say it's "deep and long-lasting."
Many moms -- 44 percent -- are peeved that dads often don't notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids (it jumps to 54 percent for moms with three-plus children).
40% of moms are mad that Dad can't multitask. And the more kids they have, the madder they are.
31% of moms say their husbands don't help with the chores -- in fact, they generate more.
Ouch.
Many of our wives are working professionals now. More power to them (seriously). They are doing more than ever and facing impossible expectations. Looks like dads haven't picked up enough of the slack. Plus, we can't seem to send our kids outside to play for hours at a time anymore.
Obviously, the data means something. Many men are disappointing their wives on a regular basis. Some guys are outright jerks (see the article for boorish he-men stories, including one dude who rouses his family - including a newborn - when he returns from his night shift before putting himself to bed). Others (like me) are trying, but still coming up short from time to time. But overall, haven't we increased our contribution as parents and homemakers? Maybe we can still do more, too. (OK, forget the "maybe.") But perhaps our wives can continue to adjust their standards so that we meet in the middle more often? Here's one rage inducing scenario as told by the mom:
"No one's ever gotten hurt, but once I came home and found that my toddler's brand-new -- expensive! -- rug was covered in marker. It was clear he'd left them on their own for a while, with markers. I was furious. I'm still furious."
Notice how she doesn't question for a moment the decision to purchase an expensive rug for a toddler's room -- that's probably on her, I'm guessing. Or mention that a marked rug is still 100% operational for it's intended purpose. She starts out using the proper standard: does her husband keep the children safe when she is not watching? It's the minimum allowable expectation, but the answer seems to be yes. So, chill. Certainly no reason to respond with long-term rage.
Here's another quote:
Many dads wouldn't even think to buy valentines for the class, for example, or know when it's time to sign kids up for the pre–camp physical, or that curriculum night is next Thursday at 7:30 and you need to hire a sitter and bring a nut-free vegetarian appetizer that can be eaten without a fork. Even moms who work full-time take it upon themselves to store all this data in our already overstuffed heads. We're the walking, talking encyclopedias of family life, while dads tend to be more like brochures.
Yes, modern life is complicated, and I often falter in details like these, but I didn't miss the howler in the middle of that paragraph. Nut-free, fork-free, vegetarian appetizers? They're called carrot sticks, lady. Even then, the expectation is too high. Can't someone just bring store-bought cookies or juice boxes?
I've pulled some bone-headed maneuvers in my time, sure. The quality of parenting would plummet if Mrs. Straight Guy wasn't around. But, she's not nearly as angry as the statistics above. And I think (and hope) that she recognizes that I do much more than my dad ever did. Can't some straight guys get props for that?
"Mad at Dad" is the number one link at the Parenting website. The article closes with a call for moms to demand more for themselves. I don't disagree. Fair is fair. But, this article, on what fathers do well, has just dropped off the list. C'mon, just give us a chance. OK, another chance.
Is the rumor true? Are you now the owner of a mini-van?
A few years ago, a mini-van was proof that hot guy at the gym was straight. (Like the ring wasn't proof enough.) Today, I know a bunch of gay dads --single and partnered -- with mini-vans. Plus parent-teacher conferences and T-ball
I am happy for them. . . and for you. So, tell me all about the new ride.
Not for most straight guys, anyway. Certainly not for these schlubs. Not because they don't need it. Because they DON'T CARE. Look at them. Hopeless.
As I've pointed out in the past, it's easy to abuse straight guys in the name of humor. We're a safe, target-rich demographic. Maybe we deserve it. I don't know. Perhaps we've been dishing it out for so long, it's our turn to take it for a while. We haven't always been nice, but have we ever been this mean? Can you imagine any other group ridiculed and beat down like this in a national ad campaign?
So yes, this is fair payback for those idiotic Go Daddy commercials and all the other objectification in Superbowl ads this year. But can Pepsi Max for Men please quickly go the way of New Coke?
I'm going to drink whole milk from the jug, out of spite.
I read a couple of news stories today that ESPN pulled a pulled an ad featuring Shaquille O'Neal and commentator Mike Breen. Organizations like the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and the Human Rights Campaign called the ad homophobic.
I went to YouTube and watched, ready. . . ready to be mad, incensed, political, ready to send a shit-gram to ESPN.
I am still waiting to find the homophobic part. Or at least anything worth sending an e-mail about.
SG, in case you haven't seen it, Breen tries to give Shaq a celebratory fist bump. Only problem is that Breen calls it a "fist kiss" not fist bump. Shaq pulls back from Breen: "No fist kiss, no fist love, no fist hump. None of that. You're a weirdo, man. Stay over there. Fist kiss. Disgusting."
Homophobic? Come on, folks, simmer down. As I "read" this ad, it's not about prejudice or homophobia, it's about mocking Breen for being so clueless and uncool as to call it a fist kiss, not bump.
The joke of the ad is about the cliche of the high-five and fist bump. Breen's desire is for street cred, but what he reveals is what a dork he is. Shaq's pulling away signals "Game over, dude, because you don't know how to play the cool game." That's how I read it. The lobbying for ESPN to drop the ad should have come from the geek police, not gay advocacy groups.
I am not a fist bumper. Never have been. The last straw was when I was worn out by a boss who punctuated every conversation with high-fives. Then he moved on to fist bumps. Called me "Dawg." He had about as much street cred as Breen.
Readers, please weigh in on this now-withdrawn spot. Homophobic and offensive? Satiric cultural commentary? Just dumb and pointless?
P.S. In withdrawing the ad, ESPN said that it was never their intent "to be offensive to anyone or any community of people."
--Gay Guy
ESPN uses these simple ads to emphasize the overlap between jocks and reporters. Star athletes often work in the blah cubicles of ESPN corporate, and ESPN personalities mix in the off-court lives of athletes. The ads never focus on real sports drama, but place ESPN as the premium brand with unlimited access. Brilliant, I think.
This is one of a series of ads in which the ESPN personalities visit Shaq in his RV (the tight quarters emphasize Shaq's size, of course).
In my favorite, Shaq is winning a Scrabble game with an abundance of Q words including "Shaqtastic."
"Where did you get all of those Qs?," they ask.
"Don't worry about it," he replies with a hint of menace.
It's Shaq's world and we're just lucky to be living in it. Don't confront, challenge, or bother him.
Same thing with the ad above. It's not about sex, obviously, but when "hump" and "disgusting" run together, I can see how someone might force a connection. I didn't see one either, GG.
Great job on your 1/29 post on finding the "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" book. I don't know how you find this stuff.
I'm a big (Zombie-free) Austen fan. I know the Austen canon is considered girls' books, but I love them. (I draw the line at Alcott's "Little Women," don't worry. There are some places that Gay Guy may never go for fear of no exit.) Yes, Austen's books focus on women but they have gems for everyone: How do we see and experience the world? Do we see correctly? Can we trust the reliability of what others tell us? Or do we trust ourselves only? Great questions for all of us.
Most of the men in Austen's books have a powerful, yet clueless, lovable buffoon/prick side to them. Hey. . . maybe they really are zombies in those books.
Plus Austen is still damn funny. Society hasn't changed much in 200 years.
Do you remember --of course you don't, what was I thinking -- that last year PBS ran a series of all the Austen novels. It was hit or miss. The web site is still up. Just because it's sooooo hilarious, check out the teen dream interactive space on the site. Scroll drown a bit on the home page and you find the "Men of Austen." You can read all about them as if they were real and on a reality TV show like Amazing Race. Best of all, you can vote for your favorite Austen man.
We've kept our site clean and non-politcal, but can I please campaign for Edward Ferrars (Sense & Sensibility) or Edmund Bertram (Mansfield Park) for the 19th century Tiger Beat favorite. Please not that drone of Mr. Darcy. This site is one click away from feeling like voting for which of the Jonas Brothers is cutest. Not that I have an opinion.
Gay, gay, gay. No straight woman that I know would fall for this hook.
Gay Guy,
Easy, Bruce. We like you. Just not that way.
Do you remember --of course you don't, what was I thinking -- that last year PBS ran a series of all the Austen novels. It was hit or miss. The web site is still up. Just because it's sooooo hilarious, check out the teen dream interactive space on the site. Scroll drown a bit on the home page and you find the "Men of Austen." You can read all about them as if they were real and on a reality TV show like Amazing Race. Best of all, you can vote for your favorite Austen man.
