Several years ago, boyfriend "Maurice" broke up with me because I found it odd that Maurice's roommate "Clive" was sleeping in M's bed with him. Clive had been dumped by his girlfriend ("Anne"?) and was sleeping in M's bed because he was "lonely and sad." Both are now married -- Clive, to Anne, and Maurice, to the boyish girl he met after me. Straight, or living lives of quiet desperation? I've just always wondered and hoped for their sake it's the former."Can I sleep with you tonight? I'm lonely and sad." Ick. "Can we just cuddle?" Double ick.
When a close male friend --gay or straight-- gets lonely and sad, I try to be a good friend. I listen, quietly pass the tissues, and give a reassuring hug. If he needs company to get through the night, he gets the bed... and I'll take the sofa. We listen, we talk. A suggestion that we get under the covers means that one of us is trying to lay the foundation for more.
Check "quiet desperation." If there is a box for "uncreative" check twice.
--Gay Guy
Straight guys do not have sleepovers with their crew when they get dumped. We do not nurse each other back into emotional health.
We get self-destructive.
The more emotionally-scarred or recently-dumped guys gather together, the worse it gets. In an effort to counter-correct our failures, we encourage "Alpha" behavior, lower our standards (for ourselves and potential mates), and the spiral continues. Hey, wasn't I talking about my prom a few posts ago?
They might not be gay, but I bet Maurice's boyish wife is the undisputed Alpha... and he likes it that way.
--Straight Guy
2 comments:
If it was "passed out in his bed after strip club visit," it would be a different story entirely.
Reference also the Friends episode when Chandler broke up with one of his girlfriends and the stages of grief: moping around in sweatpants, then going to strip clubs. Even as ambiguous as Chandler was, he got it right - he wasn't climbing in Ross's bed. (although they both may have been the gayest straight men on TV in decades)
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