Gay Cars, Straight Cars, Cars on the Down Low

The questions keep rolling in... Here's one from "Automotively Perplexed,"
As I was driving home the other day, I was almost the victim of an aggressive driver. It wasn't the driving that held my attention -- it was rush hour after all and he could have had a bad day. But it was his car. What is with the ridiculously masculine Dodge Magnum? Even the name drips testosterone. So, I thought of you two. What are gay cars? Maybe the MiniCooper? A hybrid? My gay friends like an SUV just as much as the next guy/girl/hermaphrodite. Some quick research found this: link, but are these really gay cars? I'm stumped on this one.

Automotively Perplexed is correct. The Mini Cooper is most definitely a gay car: It's stylish, trim, is rarely seen with children, and tends to draw a second look when spotted more than 50 miles outside of city limits.

I hesitate to say much about cars and what they reveal about their drivers. I could never work up a lot of interest in cars. This was problematic growing up. It was my father's belief that the only thing more conversation-worthy than a good car was a bad car. (I carry on his belief in my own gay way: The only thing more conversation-worthy than a good night at the theater is a bad night at the theater.)

Car names? Now, that's interesting stuff. It's true: Durango=Straight, Cruiser=Gay, Sonata=Questioning.

--Gay Guy

I once rented a car for a business trip and ended up with a Dodge Magnum. I think it was a free upgrade, if you must know. But I will admit that I felt a hormonal surge when I tested it's pickup on the highway. I also happen to know that the Magnum also comes in a HEMI V8 station wagon model. That kinda takes the masculine edge off, I think. Who are they appealing to? Superhero soccer moms?

The only car I ever absolutely knew was gay was the Volkswagon Cabriolet. C'mon, if your car ends on an "olé" sound, it's gay. If it was named the Dodge Magnolet, you'd have the same problem. Now that I think of it, don't we always refer to cars, boats, and other vehicles in the feminine? As in, "She'll do 0-60 in ..."

I don't have a lot of street cred in this regard though. I once picked up a prom date in a Pontiac Parisienne. Thanks, Mom.

--Straight Guy

1 comment:

straight in upstate said...

I can't go with GG on the Mini Cooper. I know too many straight motorheads who have original Minis. They're freakish and high maintenance which makes them very attractive to car nuts. (I may be describing some folks' requirements for a partner, but I'll leave it alone.)