Gay Guy Has Straight Guy Bathoom Envy?

Straight Guy,

I know that you will protest, but I've been presented with yet another instance where straight men seem to have all the odds in their favor.

A friend and I went for a drink, and we stayed to watch some of the Super Bowl. Before you are overcome with surprise, it was a wine bar, we had a few Pinot Noirs, and the other folks there were quietly watching the game or chatting. No whooping.

Next to use were a trio of women, late 20s/early 30s. It was hard not to eavesdrop on their conversation; in fact, impossible. The most animated of the three went on in glowing terms about a guy she'd started to date. Her enthusiasm was contagious, so I leaned in.

"He . . he," she stammered earnestly enthusiastic. "He puts the seat down."

Wow, bathroom manners. Stunning.

I know my gay lens is an urban lens, but to be accomplished in the gay world, you need to look good, dress well, demonstrate that you get to the gym, and vacation well. So, in the straight world being toilet trained is all that it takes to sweep a girl off her feet?

Okay, being sarcastic. Sort of.

I guess two men don't have to squabble over seat up or down. After spending a summer sharing a house with six women, I put both the seat and the lid down, the gender neutral position.

--Gay Guy


Dorn said...

I don't remember any big ordeal as a child over the toilet seat. It just came naturally. You lift it up, do your business and put it back the way you found it. I assume my wife and past girlfriends appreciated it. Do you open a jar of peanut butter, make a sandwich and then just toss the jar into the pantry without a lid? Of Course now it's necessary because my daughter will play in the water otherwise.

Straight in Upstate said...

Cheer up GG, it's not that easy. I put the seat down, cooked and baked, and was a good listener, and instead of a lifetime supply of tail when I was single, all I got was women who wanted to be my friend. Wine Bar Woman pretended to be in awe, but trust me, her list is probably a lot longer than "puts the seat down."

Spot said...

I'm a big believer in seat and lid down ever since my sister fell in the toilet during a game of hide & seek. Plus, it just looks better. It really does take a lot more to impress me though. Like showering daily and washing hands after using the restroom.


Oddyoddyo13 said...

Amazing what will impress some. I would be pleased, but at the same time think "is that the only thing that pleases me?" I agree with you wholeheartedly on the matter.

keith said...

Toilet looks bettter with seat up all the time. I dont remember our toilet being down.

BosGuy said...

Can you imagine what else might impress this woman? "And he put his dinner plate in the dishwasher!" or "And he opened the door for me!"

Oy, all this talk about women wanting it all is starting to sound like media soundbites - I too have heard similar conversations and laughed w/ my friends at the absurdity of it all.

Straight Guy said...

Maybe the guy in question never lifts the seat to begin with. Sitting is much quieter and less messy. When you are dating, these things matter. I have been in small, quiet apartments where the standing method sounds like the fountain show at the Bellagio, even in the next room.

Too much is always made of this tiny detail, all in the effort to save people from "falling in" and open toilet. Is it too much to ask for folks to simply check their surroundings for one second before they begin to empty themselves? Or are these people always groggy and rushed and on the edge of disaster? If so, stop worrying about the seat and see a doctor.

Gay Guy said...


Once again, you are my Straight Hero!! My life feels better now that I know that appreciating the sound-muffling advantages of sitting. I was afraid that it was yet another example of my "girly" side.

If only the "cone of silence" really existed.

Kathryn said...

Oh, you guys are too funny! Being a gal, I'd never even thought about the whole "noise factor" issue when using the commode!, THAT's being thoughtful...peeing quietly!

My 3 boys have all leaned to put down the seat and the lid. I think it's a good habit to get into...and that's all it is in a lot of cases, right? Simply habit.

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