My Casual Fridays Are Officially Ruined!

A new law in Michigan makes it a crime to wear droopy pants. Here's the full story from the Detroit Free Press. Based on the illustration, Blue Man Group is now public enemy number one.

I've never gotten the fad myself, but this always seemed pretty harmless to me. Ridiculous does not always equal dangerous, especially when the suspects have such a hard time running away.

Seriously, the police can't win this war. It's a slippery slope, and it might be sexually or racially biased depending on how it's enforced. "Thong Patrol," anyone? If any of these cases make it to trial, I predict a deadlocked jury, unable to formally agree on the definition and demarcations of "buttocks."

Important: If anyone is interested in creating a special enforcement unit for crimes against couture, please note that Gay Guy graduated at the top of his class from the Fashion Police Academy and is now reporting for duty. I once saw him leap from a moving vehicle to make a "citizen's arrest" having something to do with a plaid gaberdine. Very impressive.

--Straight Guy

6 comments:

Straight But Fabulous said...

Listen. I am the first to admit - that if the Thong Patrol comes out, me and my bevy of thongs will be incarcerated. And while Emily Post might cringe to know (and perhaps fully support my incarceration) - I have a hard time believing that my slightly less than decent exposure is jail worthy!

And if it is not jail worthy for girls - how is it for boys? Looking dumb is not a crime, otherwise, I know a whoooooole lota lota lota people that would have life sentences....

I think that perhaps there isn't enough for the police force in Detroit to do these days (what with all the people leaving town since there are no jobs!)...

Straight in Upstate said...

"Thong Patrol" reminds me of being in Toronto the night Canada won the 2002 Olympics hockey gold medal. There was bedlam in the streets (okay, Canadian bedlam - everyone was still polite) and this girl walked by either with her pants way low or her thong way high. I turned around to stare, along with four members of the Toronto Police Dept. They weren't going to arrest her, they just wanted to watch.

Kathleen said...

What about people, like my dear Partner-in-Crime, whose pants ride low due to their No Butt Syndrome? Andy is forever hitching up his pants due to his sad lack of rear. Discrimination against Those Without Back will not stand!

Straight Guy said...

I agree, Kathleen. The only other option for those who accidentally droop is elastic-waisted-slacks. Cruel and unusual punishment indeed.

I would have given Andy the benefit of the doubt, though... that he was drooping his pants to maximize his street cred.

Straight Shooter said...

Sansabelt Slacks Rule Man!!!!

http://www.sansabelt.com/sansabelt.htm

Anonymous said...

Thong Patrol

That sounds like a Saturday night at Rumors!

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