Just can't stop making fun of the Mummers. If you don't know, this is a Philadelphia New Year's tradition. Neighborhood social clubs spend all year assembling sparkled, spangled outfits for a big musical parade... but it's not gay. They have all-male "fancy brigades" and "wench brigades"... but it's not gay. They will not perform in bad weather "as the expensive and fancy costumes are easily harmed by precipitation"... but it's not gay.
But it's not exactly straight, either.
I grew up in a small town halfway between Philadelphia and Lancaster Pennsylvania. I've seen both sides, so how 'bout a "West Side Story" rewrite? Mummer boy swoons for Amish girl, but there are gangs that will kill to keep them apart.
I kid the Mummers, but who am I to judge? It's a proud, centuries-old tradition. This is exactly how male peacocks attract all the ladies, after all.
Last year, I spent New Year's playing Scrabble with my in-laws. So, rock on with 'dem Golden Slippers, dudes!
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