Ad Watch: Straight Guys Ruin Everything!, Episode 143



Gay Guy,

There's a whole category of products that serve no purpose other than to give the whole family a giggle when opened as a gift. I guess that's fine. We've covered this before -- part of the modern straight guy's role is to serve as the punchline for these jokes. Everyone farts. But demographically, we're the only acceptable villain for a national commercial.

"Ha ha, that's funny because Dad is so vile and disgusting! Ooh! Let's take a picture of you with your new Butt Burp Barrier™! Hold it up and smile! Everyone else pinch your noses!"

Whatever.

Still, do we need to compare the generic husband's routine flatulence to the devastation of chemical weapons? If it's that bad, why not hide the bacon and barbecue sauce instead of changing to hazmat-grade linens from the Cheek Squeak Boutique™? Talk about treating the symptoms instead of curing the disease...

Back in college I knew a guy who would often torture his girlfriend with a dutch oven. I think he thought this was foreplay. This was only one aspect of their relationship that convinced me she suffered from some sort of dorm-based Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe this blanket would have made a difference. But I hear they're still married, so probably not.

--Straight Guy

... now where are those trademark applications ...

12 comments:

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Weddings and anniversaries?! Are you kidding me? And who wakes up in the middle of the night just to punch the guy farting?

Anonymous said...

I'm all for gay marriage, but here's the flip side of that deal. Still interested, Gay Guy? If so, I have the perfect wedding gift.

Allie said...

Hahaha this is so funny, I love your blog!

Straight in Upstate said...

The perfect companion gift for the offensive Father's Day cards - "Dad's so stupid and smelly and can't get out of the recliner! Hahaha."

SG, I've learned so much from you - - I thought a dutch oven was for pot roast.

Dorn said...

Of all the Military Grade products for the general population, I wouldn't have guessed sheets with chemical warfare protection would be the one to follow the Hummer.

Oddyoddyo, my wife has done just that actually...though I'm pretty sure it was justified.

SteveA said...

Oh boy - they mentioned "offending molecules" - that's funny....and stupid.

Straight Guy said...

Oddy: I'm not saying we're perfect, but I haven't seen this firsthand, either.

Allie: Welcome. Thank you. Please stick around.

Upstate: I'm here for you. Yes, there's even a gourmet dutch oven cooking show and I giggle every time...

Dorn: I agree, but why not just make underwear out of this stuff...

Steve: I often want to meet the copywriters of these weird ads.

Gingerella said...

Is it only in America that we come up with such stupid concepts like this? Or is the rest of the world just as messed up? ;)

straight in upstate said...

Gingerella-
Have you seen Japanese TV game shows?

kathryn said...

Exactly now late did you have to stay up to catch this ad, SG? And can I also assume you weren't watching say, the Food Network?? My thoughts still go to some guy manufacturing these things out of his garage...he lives next door to the Snuggly inventor. You know there's something out there who thinks their marriage will be saved if only they buy this blanket....which is not available in stores...

Gay Guy said...

SG,

You take these commercials so personally.

Are you asking me to believe these guys are victimized because they are straight? Really?

Demographic statistics have no role to play here? Any chance that ads just follow that 90/10 percent of the population rule?

Maybe the commercial is written to appeal to the woman of house, who is more likely to be the one buying the bed linens. (Translation: Bed linens = sheets + blankets.)

I have a version of your issue. My question is why are spouses/partners always shown as being so mean to each other? Ads. Sitcoms.

Sure relationships include lots of eye rolling. But why so mean?

It's not all about straight men. This could be two male bed partners. Heck, they could be married in a few states. So, this commercial could be happening to me.

Except that gay men don't fart. Can't fart, actually. It's genetic. No farting. You can look it up on the Internet.

Straight Guy said...

I roomed with a gay guy in college and I can say for an absolute fact that you are lying out of your ass, GG.

Unless, somehow the act of coming out stops everything else from coming out, as it were.

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