Another Unconvincing Performance

Straight Guy,


Yesterday, I found out that any hope that I created a buzz among the gay men at that party last week has come to an amusing end.

To recap: Last week, my friend Bee took me (to the point of dragging me) with her to a friend's party. She sold the party hard. Hosted by a guy she knows who is cute, bright, appealing, and gay with cute, bright, appealing, and gay friends. (He has a boyfriend, so he's not an object of intrigue.)

After some stalling, I started to look forward to the party. (I'm feeling pretty out-of-sorts romantically these days and am reacting by being a hermit.) Bee's helping by encouraging me to get out and met interesting people.

Anyway, I thought the party went well. I talked to some interesting people, had fun, exchanged smiles with a few attractive guys. Bee assured me that guys were checking me out (I can never tell). A success all around, right?

Here's yesterday's e-mail from Bee: "Bad news. The gay party didn't know you were gay. Next time, I am introducing you, leaving you, and making you wear a t-shirt that says 'Out of the Closet.'"

Gays not convinced I'm gay? Are you kidding me? Was there a gaydar power outage? It's not Bee and I introduced ourselves as more than good friends. I just assumed that it was all out there to folks.

Funny, eh? Like all gay men, I have spent more than a little time wondering what passing for straight might be like. This can be a crippler for some guys. It's a real struggle, this question of being sufficiently masculine or at least not being "too gay." I don't stress so much any more. I'm no manly man, so I've just learned to minimize the liquor intake and keep my wrists in my pockets.

So, ironies of ironies, I need to try harder to convince my people that I am one of their people.

--Gay Guy