Do Tell

Readers,

We don't let things get too heavy here at GG/SG, but if you're unaware of Joseph Rocha's story, please read. He was a victim of the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, and his story has more than a few tragic twists and turns. Despite what he's been through, he still hopes to actively serve again. But for now, he's gone public with his story in the hopes that he can make a difference.

The more I talk about what happened to me, the more I hear from others who have been in similar situations. Students in the service academies calling me, crying, asking if they should quit. World War II veterans. Enlisted soldiers serving overseas. They are hopeful that we may soon have a different kind of military, that gay and lesbian men and women can serve the country we love with job security and dignity.

If you're really interested, he'll be online at the Washington Post's web site tomorrow to take questions.

I'm not naive enough to think that combat operations and political correctness are an easy mix. I am sincerely grateful to those who volunteer, and I don't claim to understand what any of them has to go through. But, I hope there's room for more guys like Rocha, and they should never have to suffer through prejudice and petty politics in order to sacrifice and serve.

--Straight Guy

Yeah, Well, Anybody Could Do That With a Camera

Straight Guy,

A friend forwarded me this YouTube clip of Sam Tsui. Tsui's a Yale student who sings and makes videos. He's becoming something of an internet hit, thanks to a boost from Perez Hilton, if you can call a shout-out from Perez Hilton a credible career accessory.

On his Facebook page, Tsui writes: "Singing and creating music is what makes me happy, and something I couldn't ever imagine not doing!" (I know my bargain-basement college education insecurity is showing but how did the lad get into Yale with a triple negative phrase like the last one?)

He is really talented, and I enjoyed the Michael Jackson medley. You're an MJ fan, so I hope you do, too.

But what is going on with the jeans? There is something oddly ill-fitting. Is she sporting some kind of 21 century cod piece? Is the fading just sort of tragic?

--Gay Guy

P.S. I've no idea if he's gay or straight. Just liked the clip.

No. I Do Not Need to Meet Your Wife

Straight Guy,

Last night, my friend David took me to a reading. Being in that concert hall for the first time in years brought back this memory from way down deep.

Some time ago, I dated this guy for a few weeks. He told me that he had been married; in fact, he might only have been separated at the time, I don't remember.

He and I went to a concert (in the same hall where David and I were last night). I don't think the lights had dimmed before I realized he knew a lot of people there. A lot. Turns out his wife was one of the performers, so he knew the band's followers.

Okay, we're there to see his wife. That was fine. Just would have been nice to know first. But fine.

Concert ends. "Want to go backstage and meet my wife?"

"Uh, no," I said. "No, I don't." "No?" "Uh, no."

He couldn't really understand why it wasn't something I wanted to do.

God, I had forgotten that whole story.

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Gift Guide: Spread the Love

Shouldn't be any late-night misunderstandings after these are installed. But folks in the BTQ categories might have to buy more than one set. Mix and match, people.

From a designer in St. Petersburg. Check out the other options, sorry they're not really for sale. Any of our readers have a story where this kind of signage might have made a difference?

--Straight Guy

Archie Up for a Polygamy? Maybe More?

Gay Guy,

I was right! Kind of.

In a post earlier this summer, I mentioned that I was disappointed that Archie had proposed to Veronica (driving Betty to tears). My gut also told me that this wasn't the end of the A/B/V triangle.

In the new issue, Archie proposes to Betty. How is that even legal?

Turns out the multipart episode allows Archie to explore his future options by taking different side roads as he wanders down "memory lane." Yeah, it's a cheap gimmick, but sales are up from 2,500 copies earlier this year to 54,000 copies for the recent books (and those numbers are only for US-based comic shops).

Look, this is GG/SG , so we all know where this joke is headed. Why not let Arch explore ALL of his options. (Found via BuzzFeed but source unknown.) Hah. You go, Jughead.

Maybe I'm over-invested here because Betty and Veronica, along with Josie and the Pussycats, were a central focus of my early sexual awakening. Ohhh, Betty, Betty, Betty....

Oops. TMI? Well, too late now. I think GG is keeping a list somewhere. File Betty just after Barbarella, if you're wondering.

Does anyone else care about this? Does Archie even deserve either one?

--Straight Guy

[Check out this NYT slideshow for all of the REAL covers, some sample pages, and their story on the phenomenon.]

Gay/Straight Advice: The Doctors Are In

Readers,

We've seen a substantial increase in visits, comments, subscribers, and friends. We can't thank you enough. We are grateful for your support and only wish we could quit our day jobs and entertain ourselves you full-time.

But we haven't been asked for our advice in a while, and we think these posts are often the most fun to write.

You can send a question to the e-mail contacts in the right margin or you can leave an anonymous reply to this or any post (we get notified of responses to even our oldest posts). In either case, we will do all we can to protect your identity as you wish. Ask away...

Not sure what we're talking about? Here's a link to our recent advice posts. And here's a collection of advice posts from the GG/SG dark ages (2008).

--Gay Guy & Straight Guy

Picking Up Men In Uniform: Double Dutch Treat

I think the appropriate response to Gay Guy's last post is to ask the question: "What do men in uniform love?" I've found the answer, and it's not what you think.

Here are the King's Firecrackers, an Ohio-based, all-girls, jumprope squad. Watch and enjoy as the plebes and midshipmen of the US Naval Academy completely lose their cool!

Gay Guy, forget about modern interpretive dance, this is entertainment.

--Straight Guy

Gay Guy Submits to Cliche, Declares "I Love a Man in a Uniform"

Straight Guy,

As you --more than anyone-- know, Gay Guy has needed some time away from his routine. So I took my cranky ass away for a weekend jaunt to Charleston, South Carolina. The trip was wonderful and just what I needed.

I knew of Charleston's reputation as a sophisticated and beautiful city, with a rich history, districts of historic houses and gardens, and good food. All true. I fell in love with the city right away, and want to go back soon.

In addition to its inventory of history and beauty, Charleston is the home of the Citadel, the military college. I don't know the the first thing about the Corps of Cadets' lives, but I wouldn't be surprised if the young men are chained to campus during the week, because they were out and about the city all weekend. Must be they can't change out of their uniforms when they leave campus, so you can spot them coming: gray trousers, fitted white short-sleeve shirt, and a cap.

So, this brings us to uniforms as sexual fetish. I've never been turned on by a uniform. There's a tradition, or at least a lore, of gay guys getting into the cop or military look. Not me. I just don't get it. But I'll admit that the look of these young men in their uniforms was provocative -- not so much as making them into sex objects (late teens and early 20s, complete with acne, no thanks) or by cocky attitude (they were unfailingly polite). But they looked great in those uniforms. Of course, the young men are fit, as one would expect from a Citadel cadet. Like strands of spaghetti. Oh my, such flat stomach and slim hips. And flat asses. Not one round ass in the corps. If it's the Citadel uniform pants that makes those hips look so slim, I'll order a pair or two.

Uniforms, chapter 2: I took a boat cruise around the harbor and out to Fort Sumter National Monument. On the cruise were a dozen fine examples of the British Navy. They were between assignments --one of them tried to explain it to me, but I couldn't understand it. There were all in gleaming white uniforms with blue trim. About half of them were in middy blouses and caps. They looked to be late 20s or 3os, so my checking out their . . . errr. . . uniforms, didn't feel creepy. A few were stunners, and the uniforms were a huge part of it.

I might have made my decision about uniforms fetish too hastily.

(I guess the park ranger at Fort Sumter is chapter 3 in the tale of uniforms, but the hat is a buzz kill.)

--Gay Guy

Straight Guy Gift Guide: Backpack Boat

This video fascinated me until it cut away just at the moment he was about to get in. That's the ONLY moment that mattered. I want to see a 200 pound guy getting into a flimsy, fabric boat, unassisted. Can it be done? We'll never know.

By the way, if you want a boat this badly, get a real boat.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Stereotype Alert: What Women Want

see more Funny Graphs

Gay Guy,

Found this on the web today. Mostly a slam at straight guys, but don't you find this kind of logic ("All the good ones are gay or taken!") a little insulting, too? If I know a couple of nerdy, jerky, or not-so-bright gay guys, you must know dozens.

Plus, our graphs are so much better than this, right?

-Straight Guy

Straight Guy,

Sure the logic is off, but lots of gay guys subscribe to a version of this chart, not just straight women. I do hear a memorable number of women -- some of a certain age, some in major urban areas that attract/are a good home for gay men--that say exactly what you suggest: "All the good ones are gay or taken." I guess I should take it as a compliment and run. (Not that I am especially evolved versus the average straight guy, but I do still get a few "If only you were straight, Gay Guy," from single straight women friends.)

The gay guy version of the chart is, "All the good ones are already in relationships, on the rebound, or are so emotionally crippled/unavailable that they aren't worth the renovation costs." I am getting close to this mantra myself.

But that's the wound: Sure, it's easy and kinda fun to blame the environment, but by some principle of mathematics, you end up with, "I'm single, so I must be on the rebound (not) or an emotional toxic waste site." Not good options.

I look at some of my straight women friends and think, "How could you possibly be single -- you're attractive, nice, going some place with your life, have a manageable amount of emotional baggage." I say the same thing about some gay guy friends, too. But, there are also the ones who have such an emotion defense that the "why single?" questions answers itself. Or social skills that don't attract. Like a friend who was walking down the main drag of Provincetown -- gay summer mecca-- and flossing his teeth. Talk about cock block. Yep, I see why he's single.

One of my defense mechanisms, a pretty common one I think, is to look at an attractive gay man, and tell myself that he's most likely either dumb or stuck on himself. It's all jealousy and based on zero data. Finding out that he could be nice, well-rounded, and down to earth would be proof that God can be unkind, and who needs more of that?

-- Gay Guy

P.S. Your graphs are SO much more interesting.