Indiana Jones and the Temple of Metro Smoothness

Gay Guy,

Thanks for the update. I noticed the new goatee. I let my whiskers grow from time to time, too. Yours is much more precise, probably because yours was a decisive act and mine are side effects of laziness.

As far as razors go, I am fine with my 3-blader. Even that seems indulgent to me, so I can't understand the need for 4 or 5 blades. (NSFW humor from the Onion here.)

I don't get the manscaping phenomenon. I don't do much except try to preserve a half inch of skin between my eyebrows. Apparently my Cro Magnon gene was recently reactivated. No matter how many of those unibrow follicles I kill, they just keep coming back. I may have to try something more drastic in the future.

But, beyond manscaping, is something that scares the life out of me... the "boyzilian." (Look it up if you must.) My hat is off to those of you who can muster the courage and self-confidence to go through with this. Personally I can't get to the stage where I enlist the help of professionals to beautify my junk. And if I ever did, I might have to look for a service similar to "sleeping dentistry" where they knock you out no matter what the procedure. Wake me up when it's over, Helga.

I'll leave you with Harrison Ford using body waxing as a metaphor for deforestation. He's not talking specifically about the Brazilian Rainforest, so don't get your hopes up, GG.

--Straight Guy


straight in upstate said...

I'm assuming that guys getting a boyzilian are either in their 20s or have too much time and money on their hands. Once you pass 40, you've got a lot more weeds to hack back than just around your johnson. The only manscaping tool you'll ever need is the Leatherman Micra - keychain scissors great for ear hair, nose hair, the Cro Magnon touch up. It has tweezers if plucking turns you on...and you can also open cans, dismantle nuclear weapons, and file your nails.

Straight Guy said...

I'm with you upstate... Maybe if I was still single and thought it could make a difference. But even then, I need so much work overall it'd be hard to rank my nether regions as Job #1.

Checking the Micra on Amazon now...

Gay Guy said...

Yeah, I'll do a touch up here and there where it's easy to get to --top of shoulders --but I leave the rest to its own devices. There just isn't enough razor out there to mow the chest. Plus, if smooth is supposed to be hot, then I would image that a 5 o'clock show on the pecs would be a turn off.

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