Things Straight Guy Hates Immediately: $100 Nail "Klhippers"

Gay Guy,

This is Klhip. Looks nice. Costs close to 100 bucks. Never buy me one of these.

Don't be taken in by the sleek, steely, aesthetic. Most especially, don't be swayed by claims of improved ergonomics and effortless cutting. Let's face it... If you're working up a sweat sawing off your funky toenails, you need to see a podiatrist -- and to stop wearing open-toed sandals, stat.

Otherwise, humanity solved the ergonomics of nail clipping many decades ago, and the solution costs a dollar or two.

You might start to think by the accumulated list of things I hate immediately that I am against luxury or indulgence of any kind. That is so not true. But save it for travel, art, food, sports, hobbies (video games count here), or, if you must, fashion. Don't blow your disposable income on items available at Rite-Aid... except for prescribed mood-altering medication, of course.

I know a couple of guys who, with a good plan and 100 bucks, might be able to get laid this weekend. Or, they could stay home and cut their toenails with Klhips.

--Straight Guy

Note that I am not linking to Klhip, but rather to Amazon, where you can get a pack of 72 (!!) name-brand clippers for $28... rated 4 stars and, at that price, practically disposable. Link.


straight in upstate said...

There was a line in the Sassy Gay Friend - Black Swan about the woman picking at her nails (I think). "Get some nail clippers!!! They're a dollar at WalGreens!!!"

I can't decide: would I want to meet the people (men? women? both?) who spend $100 on nail clippers...or not? I have a feeling they'd take one look at my cuticles and walk away without speaking to me, anyway.

SteveA said...

I've seen these and my partner got one for Christmas! If I get as a gift I'd be happy! But I dont think I'd buy for myself!

BosGuy said...

For that money, I think I could get about 6-7 manicures; that's half a year of pampering which includes having my cuticles taken care of to boot.

I'll take the gift card to the manicurist please.

Anonymous said...

Anyone with $100 can get laid on a weekend. I don't think you were referring to prostitution, though. Or were you?

Dorn said...

These appeal to the same people who purchase the $75 Q-Tips at Neiman Marcus. (sadly, not exaggerating with that reference.)

Greg said...

$100 for nail clippers that you can find cheaper at any pharmacy or Target? I think I'll stick with biting my nails.

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