Fruit of the Loon: How Much Is Too Much?

My underwear drawer

Readers,

Today, in casual conversation, GG and I may have inadvertently stumbled upon another criterion to clearly define the gay-straight divide... or at least our personal divide.

Simply put, GG wears multiple pairs of underwear each and every day. I find this to be absolutely insane.

If he travels for a week, he takes 15 pairs, or more.

I can understand changing after a workout or strenuous interlude (ahem). But generally my undies last a full 24 hours (shower to shower) without complaint. I might pack an extra pair when I go on a trip, but not an extra pair for every day. No wonder he's always checking his luggage!

GG also admitted that he has other rules (black underwear can only be worn at night!), but I'll let him preach that gospel if he's willing. I agree that it's wise to wear your least-tattered skivvies if you think you might get lucky, but beyond that...

As far as I know, GG is free of any major intestinal issues. If he had a problem of that kind, only then would I condone his 2-or-3-a-day habit.

I guess I should buy stock in Hanes and 2Xist. I really had NO idea this was happening.

Readers, one of us is crazy. Is it him or me?

--Straight Guy

Readers,

This all makes perfect sense, folks. Trust me.

Most days, I am a two-pair guy: one pair through my work out, a clean pair following my post-workout shower. Pretty simple. No gym, no change. With no gym today, I am on hour 14 of the same pair. No problem.

It's the gym that generates some of the underwear turnover. Don't even suggest "just flip your shorts inside out" after the work out, SG. Not gonna happen.

There would have to be something special going on to warrant more than one gentlemanly costume change a day. Maybe on the weekend.

Regarding the 15 minimum pair for a week-long trip: 1) If I were gone for a week, I'd probably find a washing machine mid-week. If it's my parent's or a friend's home, that's easy. (My mom sometimes wakes me up by coming into my room looking for some lights/darks to round out her load of laundry. If she wants my socks, go for it. If she's after whites, i.e. my underwear, I'll get out of bed just to plop them into the boiling bleach bath myself); 2) On vacations, I''ll plan for a laundromat run mid-week to cut down on the packing. You can learn a lot about a city through a laundromat. Anyhoo . . . I pack a day pair, an evening (post-transition-shower) pair, and one "get lucky" ("strenuous interlude" as you call it or, as I call it, "event-specific") pair for the week. And, yes, "get-lucky" is top-shelf 'roos.

Let's not forget that packing for a trip means making sure you've got a clean pair or two waiting for your return.

As far as black = night only, I figure it's self-explanatory, but the locker room proves otherwise.

What's a little neurotic here is the underwear case system. The good undies work their loose waist bands down to post-gym wear, which then heads to the door. At least they go into the trash. My mom dusted the house with my dad's excised briefs. Shock. Horror. Scarring.

--Gay Guy

5 comments:

Dorn said...

If I'm changing into something nicer in the evening and not showering prior I'll change 'em out. Get that non stretched feel that makes you feel refreshed. Never really put much thought into it. I think that under 7 in a week is the appalling number, not 15.

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Hmm...Nope, SG's the crazy one this time.

straight in upstate said...

SG put a spin on it - I was with him until I read GG's explanation. Definitely have to change post-gym.

Seeing your dad's old undies dusting the coffeetable is the root of all your issues? You're more disturbed than I thought. You'll be happy to know that H spares our son that future trauma.

Anonymous said...

Is that Gay Guy's underwear drawer?

M@rvin said...

Is that GG's underwear? He really needs to get more Calvin Klein and American Apparel, at least for date nights. :) And hey, my mom used old socks and undies to dust too *shudder*

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