Gay Guy,Check out the two ads that Google has been pushing on me.
I use Google Reader to truck through multiple RSS feeds at a pretty good clip. Hey, how else can I find source material that runs the gamut from erotic casket marketing to erotic baby carrot marketing?
Anyway, I've seen each ad dozens of times in my feed recently. According to Wikipedia, Google places these ads "based on website content, the user's geographical location, and other factors." Google says that the ads are "so well-matched, in fact, that your readers will actually find them useful."
Yeah. Kind of scary, I know. Hopefully the anonymous nature of this blog -- and my Google account -- offers me some protection from the detailed profiling they can conduct. But goodness knows what they think of my Straight Guy persona and all of his blog-related "research." Let's just chalk these up to "other factors" and move on, shall we?
But way to put me through the wringer, Google. What hope is there for the man that is obsessed with his rump's profile AND addicted to real cream toppings?
Luckily, that's not me. I take my pie straight up. And, until the other day, I thought bonobos were those sex-crazed chimps I keep hearing about on NPR. (Where else are you going to get your news on free-love simians?)
Note to the Bonobo corporation: If you think your "Khaki Diaper Butt" scare tactics are going to work on me, think again. I never knew what to call it, but I've been flying that flag proudly for years now. And, no, I don't droop my pants for added street-cred. They are belted at the waist. That's just the way things are (or aren't) back there.
Ladies have been long encouraged to improve their self-image and accept their curves. I guess men need to do the same with our "formless shapes" back there.
--Straight Guy
P.S. My favorite quote about the bonobo apes: "Bonobos use sex as a form of conflict resolution. After an augment there is usually some form of sex, and the Bonobos are friends again. Bonobos also use sex to prevent conflict. After a group of Bonobos finds food they will usually have a quick orgy before eating. Then they eat without much argument." Well, I should hope so. Wonder what happens when they find a can of Reddi Wip...
11 comments:
Way to destroy your mythic status. I thought you were smoking opium and playing the violin like Sherlock Holmes until you go into an ad-finding trance and locate all this weird crap. Turns out you just have a service. Very disappointing.
"so well-matched, in fact, that your readers will actually find them useful."
It was a second before I got this, but when I did, I think everyone in a five mile radius jumped and looked around for the insane laughter issuing from an unidentifiable source.
SG, it's okay if you like cream instead of oil. We won't laugh at you.
Much.
That's a suggestive combination of ads.
All Google pushed me was a reminder about the Martha Stewart Holiday Cookie Celebration show.
Straight Guy - I'll state the obvious about Bonobo apes being smarter than the Google ad team.
Gay Guy - Your comment killed me.
This post was hilarious. And the Google claim was true! You did actually find a use for those ads!
Brutalism,
And what's more appealing -- holiday cookies or the ass master?
GG
Upstate: It's still a bit of work, don't worry. Will my profile rise again if I promise to smoke opium and fire up my Playstation?
Oddy: It is scary the amount of data that they have. I hope they don't abuse the trust. But I love the usability of everything they do. I have about a dozen active Google apps, including blogger.
Anon: I didn't want to go there, but thanks for noticing.
GG: Hopeless. Let your avatar live a little.
Brutalism: I am 100 percent sure that the apes are more content, too.
Dorn: Correct, but you'll notice that I didn't link to either company in my post. Sadly, you can't comment on annoying ads without giving them some publicity.
Well, unfortunately...Mah-tha doesn't out-trump saggy butts and whipped creme. We all know this.
SG: If we gals have to be self aware of what's happening from behind...(ahem), then so do you.
I mean, you don't want the girls in the office snickering and calling you "droopy-butt", right? Couldn't you just lose the khaki and go with something that actually fits?
Just a thought. It's for the benefit of roving eyes everywhere-
I don't know, Kathryn, it's like the barber (stylist, actually, barbers never ask this) asking if I want the back of my hair square or round. What do I care, I never see the back of my head. I'm slightly more aware of my ass, but it's not like I have to look at it.
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