From the Daily Show archives...
Please tell me I'm not evil for laughing at this poor guy.
--Straight Guy
You Ask, We Answer
A "long-time" reader (hah!) with the handle "Straight but not Narrow" posed the following:
Let me take these one by one.
First, you are appropriately confused about Vanity Fair magazine. As far as I know, Madonna has never made a move without letting them have the exclusive. That's a big indicator of gayness. On the other hand, this month's issue provides a preview of the upcoming Indiana Jones movie. The 12-year-old me idolized that character as a masculine role-model, so let's call it straight.
(Side note: I know that I speak for Gay Guy in saying that if VF has any interest in making GG/SG a regular feature, our bags are packed. We are a perfect fit.)
Second, let's talk about the bowling dance. Look no further than Fred Flintstone for assurance of straightness. As he demonstrated, it doesn't matter if you plié, waltz, or vogue your way to the line... if you can drop the pins, no one will make an issue of your orientation.
Have to subtract one point for your Scott Baio question, though. Formal etiquette dictates that it is proper to address Arthur Fonzarelli as "The Fonz." Sadly, Chachi Arcola never even came close to earning the honorific of being addressed as "The Chachi." On the positive side, Scott Baio is Pregant is by far the least insulting of the straight but skanky lineup on VH1 right now (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, My Fair Brady, etc.).
So, Not Narrow, unless GG has any objections, my assessment is that you are safely straight. We all have guilty pleasures, but we don't have to question our sexuality because of them.
If we did, I'd be most worried about the fact that I've made three Wizard of Oz references on this blog already. (See Flying Monkeys, There's no Place Like..., and Wicked Witch.)
Thanks for the question. Can we help anyone else?
--Straight Guy
My question here is about items and activities I wonder have an air of gay about them. Not totally straight not totally gay. Can straight guy/gay guy help me on the following:
Vanity Fair. Gay or Straight? Why do I more often than not have to keep it folded with the cover concealled in public places?
Bowling: I love the feel of crushing ten pins with 15 lbs of reactive resin but then there is the immasculating display in the form of that wierd dance that so many people do to make a 4 - 10 split. That seems pretty gay to me.
Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant: Guilty pleasure or gay? The Chachi can't be gay but there's a lot of whining about finding love and starting a family.
Let me take these one by one.
First, you are appropriately confused about Vanity Fair magazine. As far as I know, Madonna has never made a move without letting them have the exclusive. That's a big indicator of gayness. On the other hand, this month's issue provides a preview of the upcoming Indiana Jones movie. The 12-year-old me idolized that character as a masculine role-model, so let's call it straight.
(Side note: I know that I speak for Gay Guy in saying that if VF has any interest in making GG/SG a regular feature, our bags are packed. We are a perfect fit.)
Second, let's talk about the bowling dance. Look no further than Fred Flintstone for assurance of straightness. As he demonstrated, it doesn't matter if you plié, waltz, or vogue your way to the line... if you can drop the pins, no one will make an issue of your orientation.Have to subtract one point for your Scott Baio question, though. Formal etiquette dictates that it is proper to address Arthur Fonzarelli as "The Fonz." Sadly, Chachi Arcola never even came close to earning the honorific of being addressed as "The Chachi." On the positive side, Scott Baio is Pregant is by far the least insulting of the straight but skanky lineup on VH1 right now (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, My Fair Brady, etc.).
So, Not Narrow, unless GG has any objections, my assessment is that you are safely straight. We all have guilty pleasures, but we don't have to question our sexuality because of them.
If we did, I'd be most worried about the fact that I've made three Wizard of Oz references on this blog already. (See Flying Monkeys, There's no Place Like..., and Wicked Witch.)
Thanks for the question. Can we help anyone else?
--Straight Guy
Jane Austen... Without Apologies
Straight Guy,
I want to circle back to the January 14 post about PBS' first episode of "The Complete Jane Austen" vs. Terminator Chronicles. This post has drawn a lot of comments, so it strikes a chord.
(I tuned in to the second Austen installment, which was not as good as the first, but still fun.)
Obviously, I'm the Jane Austen side of this Sunday Night Smack Down. No question there. And, no apologies.
It makes me remember a funny interchange a few years ago. I had just started a new job, so new people to meet and a new audience to come out to. (Coming out is almost never a one-time-only event.)
I came out to male colleague who also turned out to be gay. He told me he had already figured it out. I wasn't particularly surprised, but I asked what was the tip off? "You told us what you did over the weekend," he said. "You said you went to the house and garden show.... and you didn't apologize." Well, no, I wasn't dragged there.
If the house and garden show is gay, what's straight, the auto show? Since we are trying to bridge the gay/straight divide here, I'll meet you at the boat show, Straight Guy.
--Gay Guy
I want to circle back to the January 14 post about PBS' first episode of "The Complete Jane Austen" vs. Terminator Chronicles. This post has drawn a lot of comments, so it strikes a chord.
(I tuned in to the second Austen installment, which was not as good as the first, but still fun.)
Obviously, I'm the Jane Austen side of this Sunday Night Smack Down. No question there. And, no apologies.
It makes me remember a funny interchange a few years ago. I had just started a new job, so new people to meet and a new audience to come out to. (Coming out is almost never a one-time-only event.)
I came out to male colleague who also turned out to be gay. He told me he had already figured it out. I wasn't particularly surprised, but I asked what was the tip off? "You told us what you did over the weekend," he said. "You said you went to the house and garden show.... and you didn't apologize." Well, no, I wasn't dragged there.
If the house and garden show is gay, what's straight, the auto show? Since we are trying to bridge the gay/straight divide here, I'll meet you at the boat show, Straight Guy.
--Gay Guy
Cleanin' up and gettin' down
Straight Guy,
I'm amused by the results of a study about relationships reported earlier this week, which says:
Read a news brief on the study.
"Sharing housework?"
I don't know the couples the researchers studied, but it wasn't any one I know, gay or straight. What couple shares housework (at least in a way that makes them both happy)? Fighting about housework keeps couples counseling in business.
Don't subscribe to the stereotype that two gay men equals one tidy home. I've never known a neat freak to fall in love with a man who wasn't messy.
My longing for the disinfected ties that bind are perfectly summed up in the lyrics of the B'52s song "Housework."
Who wears the rubber gloves in your house, Straight Guy?
--Gay Guy
I'm amused by the results of a study about relationships reported earlier this week, which says:
"Same-sex relationships may be healthier than straight ones... because couples in same-sex relationships were more flexible in terms of gender roles, parenting, and household responsibilities."
The researchers concluded that "heterosexual couples could learn from gay couples about sharing housework... "
Read a news brief on the study.
"Sharing housework?"
I don't know the couples the researchers studied, but it wasn't any one I know, gay or straight. What couple shares housework (at least in a way that makes them both happy)? Fighting about housework keeps couples counseling in business.
Don't subscribe to the stereotype that two gay men equals one tidy home. I've never known a neat freak to fall in love with a man who wasn't messy.
My longing for the disinfected ties that bind are perfectly summed up in the lyrics of the B'52s song "Housework."
Who wears the rubber gloves in your house, Straight Guy?
--Gay Guy
Duck for Cover! It's a Gay Guy Drive-By!
Great responses, Gay Guy,
Of course everyone who connects to the blog is an excellent driver. Uh-huh. Sure. Great job.
I'm a straight, aggressive driver who is at least honest enough to admit that I'm not above average.
I cringe at the idea that straight guys are predisposed to road rage, though. It happens to me from time to time, sure. But I've also seen GG criticize pedestrian outfits and hairstyles on the fly, too. And not without a disdain that can border on rage, I might add.
But look, everyone seems to think that road rage is a problem in and of itself. But isn't it more like the terrorist threat, where we've come to learn that's its perhaps more important to learn why they hate us than it is to fight the after effects of their hatred? Could straight guys, who are now proven to know where they are headed better than most, be more easily frustrated by every obstruction in their way? Happens to me all the time. I may drive aggressively sometimes, but if I do, it's because I'm seeing directional miscues, wasted capacity, or lots of safe-but-selfish-driving.
At any rate, time for a new topic, Gay Guy.
--Straight Guy
Of course everyone who connects to the blog is an excellent driver. Uh-huh. Sure. Great job.
I'm a straight, aggressive driver who is at least honest enough to admit that I'm not above average.
I cringe at the idea that straight guys are predisposed to road rage, though. It happens to me from time to time, sure. But I've also seen GG criticize pedestrian outfits and hairstyles on the fly, too. And not without a disdain that can border on rage, I might add.
But look, everyone seems to think that road rage is a problem in and of itself. But isn't it more like the terrorist threat, where we've come to learn that's its perhaps more important to learn why they hate us than it is to fight the after effects of their hatred? Could straight guys, who are now proven to know where they are headed better than most, be more easily frustrated by every obstruction in their way? Happens to me all the time. I may drive aggressively sometimes, but if I do, it's because I'm seeing directional miscues, wasted capacity, or lots of safe-but-selfish-driving.
At any rate, time for a new topic, Gay Guy.
--Straight Guy
More Good Drivers Accounted For
Straight Guy,
En garde!
Are straight men genetically predisposed to be better drivers than gay men, as a recent British study suggests? Another gay friend weighs in:
"What a bunch of crap. I can drive circles around any straight guy. I'm a great driver.
I had no idea driving was so competetive. I think my testosterone is a quart low.
--Gay Guy
En garde!
Are straight men genetically predisposed to be better drivers than gay men, as a recent British study suggests? Another gay friend weighs in:
"What a bunch of crap. I can drive circles around any straight guy. I'm a great driver.
I had no idea driving was so competetive. I think my testosterone is a quart low.
--Gay Guy
Good Driving Abounds
I polled a few friends. Male, female, gay, straight. It's all the same. Here they are:
1) “I am an EXCELLENT driver. You have driven with me many times. I do not drive with white knuckles, nor do my passengers; I can parallel park on a dime; I can use the speed of my car to maximum capacity."
2) “I quote Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man -- I am an excellent driver.”
3) “Seriously, I am an excellent driver! Much better than my husband. He's a much better map-and-directions-reader than I am, but I'm much better at actual driving: changing lanes, noticing objects around me, remembering where I am in relation to where I was. So I'd say we split the spatial-relations/navigation abilities. That said, whenever we go on long trips he insists on driving. This means I'm navigating...which means we're each doing the thing we're less good at.”
1) “I am an EXCELLENT driver. You have driven with me many times. I do not drive with white knuckles, nor do my passengers; I can parallel park on a dime; I can use the speed of my car to maximum capacity."
2) “I quote Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man -- I am an excellent driver.”
3) “Seriously, I am an excellent driver! Much better than my husband. He's a much better map-and-directions-reader than I am, but I'm much better at actual driving: changing lanes, noticing objects around me, remembering where I am in relation to where I was. So I'd say we split the spatial-relations/navigation abilities. That said, whenever we go on long trips he insists on driving. This means I'm navigating...which means we're each doing the thing we're less good at.”
Gay Guy's Study Proves that Good Driving Skills Bridge Genetic and Cultural Divide
Straight Guy,
Interesting research, but I can’t tell you how hard it is to get serious when anything having to do with gay men is in the same sentence as both ‘Queen’ and ‘Mary.’ I’m sure there was a London Telegraph copy editor chuckling as that issue went live. (If you don’t know why this is funny, e-mail me for a tutorial.)
I polled some friends to see what they thought of the study. The results: All my friends are good drivers. Excellent drivers, in fact. They had no reaction at all to the study’s conclusions about women, gay men, and the brain’s spatial wiring. They just really want me to know that they are good drivers.
While theoretically this should make me feel safer, even my poor math skills tell me that most of us are average drivers. It’s just math, right? Most of us are going to be in the middle of the curve. Why are none of my friend able to come out to me about their average skills behind the wheel? After all, these are all friends who have shared with me the darkest moments of their lives: marital strife, self doubt, spiritual crisis, the prom. I guess all things in life go down easier if you’ re good at parallel parking.
I, too, am a good driver. I have irrefutable evidence: Last week my dad let me drive his brand- new car.
--Gay Guy
Interesting research, but I can’t tell you how hard it is to get serious when anything having to do with gay men is in the same sentence as both ‘Queen’ and ‘Mary.’ I’m sure there was a London Telegraph copy editor chuckling as that issue went live. (If you don’t know why this is funny, e-mail me for a tutorial.)
I polled some friends to see what they thought of the study. The results: All my friends are good drivers. Excellent drivers, in fact. They had no reaction at all to the study’s conclusions about women, gay men, and the brain’s spatial wiring. They just really want me to know that they are good drivers.
While theoretically this should make me feel safer, even my poor math skills tell me that most of us are average drivers. It’s just math, right? Most of us are going to be in the middle of the curve. Why are none of my friend able to come out to me about their average skills behind the wheel? After all, these are all friends who have shared with me the darkest moments of their lives: marital strife, self doubt, spiritual crisis, the prom. I guess all things in life go down easier if you’ re good at parallel parking.
I, too, am a good driver. I have irrefutable evidence: Last week my dad let me drive his brand- new car.
--Gay Guy
Can Gays Drive Straight?
New research just came in yesterday. Bad news for you, Gay Guy.
Full story from the London Telegraph, here.
Does this mean I can get a better insurance rate?
What do you think? Let us know.
--Straight Guy
Women and gay men are likely to be the worst drivers, a new study has shown.
Research has revealed that both perform poorly in tasks involving navigation and spatial awareness when compared to heterosexual men.
Psychologists at Queen Mary, University of London, who conducted the study, believe the findings mean driving in a strange environment would be more difficult for gay men and women than for straight male motorists.
Full story from the London Telegraph, here.
Does this mean I can get a better insurance rate?
What do you think? Let us know.
--Straight Guy
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