Stop Me Before I Say, "I Told You So."

Straight Gay,

Ouch.

The angry. They are among us. 

--Gay Guy

Viral Vid: Sassy Gay Friend on March Madness

Straight Guy,

I love this Sassy Gay Friend vid. He's broken out of the literary classics (Romeo & Juliet, Othello and Macbeth) to take on sports. It's March Madness! Or "March Crazy Times Tournament," per Sassy Gay Friend.

Readers, people are often surprised to find out that I like basketball. College basketball at least. Straight Guy and I are lucky to live in a good college basketball town with pretty reliable access to excellent seats. We end up catching three or four games together a season. Always fun. Straight Guy understands how the game is played, and knows why players get fouled, for example. I just take it all in. I like the excitement, speed and beauty of the game, plus great people watching. A good night of basketball is not that different than a good night of theater, just with nachos and beer.

I am part of our office basketball pool, which is pretty much a direct donation of $10 to the winner. My bracket looked pretty good for a while -- I was in the top half of the 40+ in the pool, but I don't have the guts to look at it now.

In June, I should start a Tony Award pool and steal people's money. Great idea, except the only people who would enter the pool would be tough to beat. I don't expect any novices filling out a Tony Award "bracket."

--Gay Guy

Style Watch: It's Whiskers, By a Whisker

Gay Guy,

I know you think I don't shave daily because I'm a lazy wreck. True enough. But it turns out that I've got it just about right.

This is soft science for sure. But research seems to prove that having stubble, or the hint of a beard, is the sweet spot for male attractiveness. According to women, that is.

"Women are more attracted to, and more likely to develop a long or short-term relationship with, men with light beards or stubble. They also find men with full beards more aggressive and mature, but also the least attractive. Men with no facial hair were rated the second-least attractive, but also least likely romantic partners." -- Quote and pics from Pajiba

In other words... "proof that you can grow a beard is sexy -- just not necessarily having one." -- Vancouver Sun
 
GG, Readers, sound right? Or is there a gay take on this, too? Ladies, can you confirm or deny, based on the photos above?

Straight guys, I've drifted into full beard territory from time to time, and have the distinct feeling that my nookie aggregate may have been negatively impacted. When your significant other tells you, even jokingly, to "shave that thing," do it. Especially if that thing is your face.

--Straight Guy

It's Not the Size of the Survey That Matters, It's How You Use the Data

Gay Guy,

Not sure how accurate the data is, but here's a link to an interactive map on penis size, by country.

I know you have a European holiday coming up, but remember, this is serious medical research, not an itinerary planner!

--Straight Guy

The Last Movie Star

Straight Guy,

Here's my obligatory gay guy tribute to Elizabeth Taylor, who died today at age 79. Read an obit.

She had a spotty, up and down career, but for a long time she exuded beauty and sensuality straight off the movie screen and like no one else. Over ripe, yes. Messy, for sure. But watch her on screen as Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, or years --and pounds---later as the truly scary Martha in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Amazing.

Read a great essay on Taylor.

I try to forget that Taylor was a Michael Jackson sidekick by remembering the great work that she did raising funds and awareness for AIDS causes, especially in founding amfAR. "I will not be ignored," she remarkably said of her activism. Read the amfAR tribute.

The Wackadooes of Westboro Baptist Church are deliberating on whether to protest Taylor's funeral in their usual disgusting and not entirely logical fashion.

--Gay Guy

Viral Video: Disappointing Gay Best Friend

Readers,

I have seen GG trapped in very similar situations. Does this feel familiar to anyone?

--Straight Guy

Ad Watch: St. Patrick's Day Man Hug Rules from Guinness

Readers,

There's a debate on Guinness's YouTube channel about whether this is homophobic or not. Let us know what you think.

GG and I just shared a few Guinness with our coworkers this afternoon, as a matter of fact. Someone also piped in some Irish jigs from Pandora. Instant party.

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all! Be safe.

--Straight Guy

Also, check out the link to "Gay Ads| Straight Ads" (our Tumblr collection of stereotypes in advertising) in the right-hand column. Right now you can catch a few new international ads, from Daniel Craig in drag (for Women's Awareness Day) to men ignoring lonely supermodels in favor of HDTV (for a South American HDTV service, natch).

Viral Video: Thou Shalt Not Dis the Dude!

Gay Guy,

Here's part of a young adult church service, where the "hip" preacher breaks it down for his parishioners. Specifically about love. He advises the ladies to find a hard working man with a prominent Adam's apple -- and to avoid any prospects from herbal-tea-drinking, skinny-jeans-wearing, Ellen-watching categories.

We get it. Ruddy good. Metro bad.

I'm kind of with him on the skinny jeans. But ladies, let's not rule guys out based on hot beverage choice. Whatever happened to "judge not," preacher man?

As for all the heavy breathing while emphasizing the importance of manly radiance and ruddiness... settle yourself down, dude.

What does the book say about guys who need lots of hair product, giant show-offy watch bands, and shirts with multiple epaulettes? Irony much?

--Straight Guy

Clothes Shopping Makes Gay Guy Into Straight Husband Stand-in?

Straight Guy,

I had a visitor this past weekend. She and I are college friends, so it's been a long and strong relationship. She was in town for a wedding and stayed with me. Great to have her around, and also amusing to see my little bathroom blossom with hair and face products.

She does not live in a place with great clothing selection. She arrived on Friday, and I volunteered to take off work for a day of shopping. It was an interesting day: Being car-free, I only shop at subway-accessible places but we went to an upscale suburban mall; I don't shop for women's clothes; and I don't usually shop with other people. It was fun to be a consultant, not the shopper.

I give pretty direct feedback: Good shape, bad shape; good color, color that washes her out. I trashed one dress with relish. It was a tight sheath dress with evenly spaced horizontal rows of ruffles. I couldn't hold back that it made me think of condom ads that pitched "Ribbed for Her Pleasure."

All of this is to say that it was fun to take on the guise of the husband, or at least a role that I saw my dad take. I doubt dad gave mom fashion advice, but he did stand patiently within sight of the fitting room door, dripping with coats and shopping bags. I think he drew the line at holding mom's purse. I found a chair in a few of the stores and used the time to clean out my BlackBerry. But still dripped with coats and bags. I'm a modern man, so I fearlessly took on the purse.

It was rather fun to take on both the husband and sassy gay friend roles at the same time.

So, gay guys and straight guys out there: Do you lend a fashion eye to the women in your life? Shop separately and come in to deliver the final piece of advice? Get the heebie-jeebies at the thought of the math involved in sizes 4, 6, 8 and what body parts they correlate to? Let me know.

--Gay Guy

Rader Poll: GG and SG Disagree on How to Handle Jugs

Readers,

Gay Guy and I were talking the other day. And, as usual, he said something that shocked me into momentary silence.

Apparently, he has never -- never! --taken a swig of any beverage directly from the jug or carton. Even though he has an awesome bachelor pad and can make his own rules.

It's no one else's milk but his. But even if there is only a sip left, he still feels the need to transfer to a glass before consuming.

He said it just grosses him out. I pointed out that it's much more environmentally friendly to drink from the jug than to use the water needed to wash all those glasses. He didn't budge.

I also pointed out that there's essentially no difference between the jug and single serving bottles of Gatorade and beer (which he's fine with). Especially when he's the only one drinking them. He just looked back at me like I was the crazy one.

I will admit that if a beverage is shared among roommates or family, that it's best to follow standard protocol and keep your mouth off of the container.

But I'll also admit to breaking this rule from time to time, especially in the middle of the night. And, if it's the last serving? There are no rules.

Any insight, readers? What are your guidelines?

--Straight Guy

Happiest Man In America? It's not GG or SG...

Gay Guy,

Here's a quick link to a New York Times story about happiness in America.

For the last three years, Gallup has called 1,000 randomly selected American adults each day and asked them about their emotional status, work satisfaction, eating habits, illnesses, stress levels and other indicators of their quality of life.

When asked to correlate the data into a composite of the happiest possible citizen, here's what they came up with:

Gallup’s answer: he’s a tall, Asian-American, observant Jew who is at least 65 and married, has children, lives in Hawaii, runs his own business and has a household income of more than $120,000 a year.

The Times actually took it a step further and did the research to find a guy who meets all the criteria. Guess what? He's happy.

I've got a few changes to make, obviously.

--Straight Guy

Sign of Spring?

Straight Guy,

Hope you are having a good time in San Francisco. Seems unfair that you are there and I am here.

Pretty nice day here. Feels like spring might be coming, finally.

As I was going out for lunch, a hot guy was running down the side walk, shirtless. A sure sign of spring. Screw robins and crocus blooms.

--Gay Guy