Getting Straight Guys to Read the Romance Classics

As far as I can tell, this is real.

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies HAS to be the first selection in our GG/SG book club.

"Lizzie and Kitty went down into the cellar quite a while ago. Now what could they be up to..."

I can't wait for the part where Mrs. Bennet brains Mr. Darcy with a shovel.

From the promo site:

Jane Austen is the author of Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, Mansfield Park, and other masterpieces of English literature.

Seth Grahame-Smith is the author of How to Survive a Horror Movie and The Big Book of Porn. He lives in Los Angeles.

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy Pop Culture Round-Up

Gay Guy,

On the big screen, I'm 0 for 5 on seeing this year's Oscar best picture nominees. Maybe I can close the gap in the next few weeks, otherwise I'll have to bank on Heath Ledger as the Joker as my only touchpoint. That was an inspired performance, by the way. So don't count on me for any meaningful Oscar analysis.

Here's what I can discuss: a rundown of pop culture straight guys who are getting the job done. Let's start with two shows who recently kicked off their January to May seasons... Jack and Jack are back. Jack Bauer on 24 and Jack Shephard on Lost. Both dudes are seriously burdened by their leadership responsibilities.

• Ex-spy Jack Bauer (Kiefer Sutherland) fled the country but was arrested and made to testify before Congress. Yes, he tortures. But it works for him, and he has no regrets (not even about interrogating members of his own family, I presume, because they all had it coming). The problem with the "24 effect" is that it lessens our national distaste for this sort of thing. It's topical to include a debate the issue, but the producers tipped their neocon hats when Jack was quickly pulled out of the hearing to consult on a terrorist threat, and within the hour was de-eyeballing a suspect. Even in Bauer's tragic and dangerous alternate reality, I have a hard time believing that anyone would want to shame the guy who single-handedly found multiple live nukes and manually disarmed most of them. And yes, he's very sorry about the one that slipped away.

• Jack Shepherd's circumstances on the Lost island are too complicated to explain here. But he, too is being held accountable for questionable decisions in his past. Matthew Fox plays this guy at two speeds only, complete self-assurance and debilitating self-doubt. The male leads on Lost have always been an interesting bunch of egomaniacs. The whole series has been an exercise in male social ranking: who has power, knowledge, faith, or cajones to lead, and perhaps get laid.

• Paul Blart: Mall Cop is poised to reach blockbuster status, having outgrossed most best picture nominees in only 2 weeks. The Washington Post is investigating. Their take: middle-America (cough!straight!cough) will not be told what to like by the intellectual elite! And supersize those movie theater nachos, too!

• Smoove B returns and is on a mission! Like Jack Bauer, Smoove will do whatever it takes to get the job done. His job? To seduce and satisfy every fine lady he meets. He's been a regular contributor to the Onion since its inception, but his columns have faded in frequency in the past few years (review the archives here, or visit the "Boudoir" if you dare). His current quest? To woo Michelle Obama, no matter how many Keith Sweat slow jams or hand-fed oysters it takes.

Will it be difficult to compete with the most powerful man in the free world? This is not a concern. You see, her man will treat her like a wife, the mother of his children, and a partner in leading the country. I will make her feel like a woman.

Let me break it down.

I will greet her at the airport in the finest white limo available. During the ride into the city, I will discuss business with her, while giving her smoldering glances to show her the passion that burns inside of me...

At no point will I mention her fine booty.

Someday I'll also cop to an unhealthy American Idol habit. But that's another post.

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy Loves His Mac... Not That There's Anything Wrong With That!

Gay Guy,

Got a new computer today. MacBook Pro.

You know I'm a long-time Apple and Mac computer user. In my 20 plus years as a professional, I've never worked on anything but a Mac. I've never owned anything else either. The first computer I ever touched was an Apple II, back in the early eighties. My family bought an Apple IIe a few year later. I showed up at college with an early model Mac (pictured above, what's a hard drive?). A hit with my floormates, but of no help in meeting girls. I should have known... the Mac is gay.

The San Francisco pedigree, the sleek aesthetic, the rainbow logo. The evidence was there.

Here's a helpful review of the Apple product line from launch to today, with visual examples of every design change along the way.

I'm OK with my computer's orientation, but maybe I'll just hit it with a bit more heavy metal from the iTunes store.

Readers: A few years ago, I helped GG buy a new computer because he's a hopeless technophobe. We were in the Apple retail store, I was talking him through the technical specs, while he was trying to gaydar the specs of the salesmen. I'll let him tell the rest of the story.

I also helped him set up an iPod. Out of the box, he puts it to his ear (cellphone-style) and says "Nina Simone, please." Laugh if you want, but a future-gen iPhone will probably have a feature just like that.

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy,

Oh, you make such fun of me.

I did lust for that Mac, didn't I. Not just because it's foolproof to use, but because of the sleek-as-a-cat style. I really had to give myself permission to buy it (instead of a Dell).

We had fun in the Apple store that day. I had settled on . . . well, you had settled on. . . the basic white Mac PowerBook. Sitting next to it was the brushed aluminum model, which I remember was a few hundred dollars more.

GG (caressing the brushed metal with his fingertips): Is it gay to spend more money just to get the prettier one?
SG: Yes.

As for the rest of the story, Straight Guy and I refer to this as the incident where SG picked the computer and GG picked the salesman. SG figured out which computer I needed, I gulped and agreed to the price. SG raised a finger to summon the attention of a salesman passing by. Apparently I said, loud enough to be heard, "No, not that one. That one," pointing some slab of male yum with dark hair and eyes a third of the way across the store.

Look, I have good manners, but if I am spending more than $1,000 I deserve eye candy.

Here's some more Mac=Gay from Queerty

--Gay Guy

Inauguration Nation

Gay Guy,

Great posts. Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you had the perfect plan.
I was watching on TV, but was close enough to hear the crowd's roar when he arrived and took the oath. Wow.

I wish I had more to contribute beyond what's been said so well by so many others. But I don't, so I'll keep in brief.

Just know that I am one of many straight, white, middle class, middle aged men who are embracing change, too. That counts for something, right?

Allow me a catty comment, too, GG. The parade was pitiful. It was late, long, and boring... the Bermuda triangle of entertainment snafus. I felt sorry for Barack and Michelle, who were polite enough to stick it out when all other grandstand guests had departed. The crowd was long gone, too. Of course they were, they waited for hours in the freezing cold to see the Obamas and were not going to stick around afterwards to see two hours of lawn mower drill squads. Why can't we edit this whole thing down, bump up the kitsch, and make the headliner the final act?

--Straight Guy

Sweet Day

Straight Guy,

More on the Inauguration: Now that I’m warm again and had some sleep, I want to share more about being part of this wonderful and historic day.

Frequent contributor Straight in Upstate asked if I dove into the 1 million+ body mosh pit of the inauguration or did I jumbotron it on the fringe of the Mall.

Jumbotron, but on purpose.

My friend Bee and I perched ourselves in front of the Lincoln Memorial, which is exactly where we wanted to be. I’m a sucker for symbolism and stories. Lincoln, (whose bicentennial is this year, in case no one noticed the hundreds of books that have come out about him over the past few years) the icon of the Civil War, the emancipator of the slaves (though the more I read about the Emancipation Proclamation was toothless). The Memorial, the site of Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. Obama being sworn in the day after Martin Luther King Day. Civil War, Civil Rights, first African American president. How much more history and symbolism can you handle?

Plus, we saw it better on the ‘tron than we could ever have seen it close up.

I have to admit that I caught a tear when Obama was sworn in. The smile, the family, the hope and promise.

Bee and I finished up our celebration with some yummy "1.20.09" frosted cookies.

I zipped out to the gym last evening and walked past a two-block line of people waiting to get into the Youth Inaugural Ball. Deep sigh. . . I do love a man in a tux.

I know you are expecting a catty gay comment . . . so here it is. First, Bee and I were bugged to death on the Mall by this guy next to us who would not shut up. He was going on about two decades of first ladies’ inauguration wear. I'm pretty aware of fashion, but he creamed me. My ears pricked up the second he tossed in “texture” in describing Michelle Obama’s yellow jacket. My hat's off to you, dude. And, speaking of hats: Note to Aretha: The assignment was to be a star, not wear one.

--Gay Guy

And in With the New

Straight Guy,

New president in the White House, new agenda, new White House Web site.

I didn't expect to find LGBT issues front and center on the White House Web site, especially on day one. . . did I even expect LGBT issues at all?

Check out President's Agenda/ Civil Rights on the whitehouse.gov:

Support for the LGBT Community
"While we have come a long way since the Stonewall riots in 1969, we still have a lot of work to do. Too often, the issue of LGBT rights is exploited by those seeking to divide us. But at its core, this issue is about who we are as Americans. It's about whether this nation is going to live up to its founding promise of equality by treating all its citizens with dignity and respect."
-- Barack Obama, June 1, 2007

Then a list of specifics.

Change HAS come to the White House. Is this a dream?


--Gay Guy

Yes We Can

Straight Guy,

The Inauguration was a blast. Chilly, but a great time. Our little section of the Mall was happy and friendly.

I listened hard to Obama's address. The part that touched me the most:

"The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness."

Read the full inaugural address.

--Gay Guy

Just One More Day

Straight Guy,

As you know, I am incredibly excited about tomorrow's inauguration. Both as a Dem and as a gay man. My hopes for the Obama administration are high. Maybe too high. You'll have to remind me to be patient.

Obama's acceptance speech at the convention in August made me believe that he can really help America be the best it can be.

We're already seeing the difference between running for president and being the president. This is where single-issue politics suck, and why I try not to subscribe to them. Obama's made some missteps of late with the gay and lesbian community. You know the inauguration invocation flop.

I am keeping the faith and hope, and holding on for dear life to Obama's acceptance speech especially this one small portion:

"I know there are differences on same-sex marriage, but surely we can agree that our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters deserve to visit the person they love in the hospital and to live lives free of discrimination. . . This too is part of America's promise - the promise of a democracy where we can find the strength and grace to bridge divides and unite in common effort."

It's just a sentence. But I feel more seen and more likely to get my place at the table than I have for the past eight years, that's for sure. My people at least made our way into the acceptance speech. People actually know that the inaugural invocation matters. Here's crossing my frozen little fingers for tomorrow. (Weather folks say chance of snow and just below freezing. I'll huddle for warmth.)

--Gay Guy

In the Lap of Luxury

Last year, I put up a post on the male torso pillow, a perfect gift for lonely ladies and gay dudes who feel the need to snuggle something, anything, anyone, even if it's just a ribcage and an arm.

Straight guys have responded with the female lap pillow. Somehow, this is sadder... and more depraved. The male pillow at least hinted at a hug and a wish for companionship. The pose of this pillow hints at subservience: the guy's comfort at the lady's expense. Is there a model which will also lower grapes into your mouth?

I love that these pillows are shameless enough to sleep with anyone for a price, no questions asked, but must wear a shirt or a skirt. They have some modesty after all. Anything less would be creepy.

Both versions are available from multiple vendors, just search for "arm pillow" or "lap pillow," place your order, and immediately call your therapist.

--Straight Guy

Is That a Finial on Your Curtain Rod? Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Readers,

Straight Guy mocked me, mocked me I say, this afternoon. He spied a box on my table -- my delivery from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Apparently B3 itself sounds gay, let alone what the package might contain. It was my new curtains; I specifically avoided using the more technical, but stereotypically gay-sounding, terms "window treatments" and "window panels." Then I launched into telling my HILARIOUS B3 adventure of testing two different kinds of curtains, seeing which worked better, making the exchange, getting the wrong size. . . you get the picture. SG was laughing at me, not about my misadventures in the beyond section of Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but at my buying curtains in the first place.

This is really a Single Guy/Married Guy story, not a gay or straight story. SG, remember that when you are single, no one but you covers your bare windows or buys pillows for the sofa (Why are they called 'accent' pillows?) unless your mom comes to help you, and that would be tragic. In my life, domesticity is by necessity self-generated. And, not all of us want to have our homes look like a freshmen dorm. (Note to SG: Take down the Carmen Electra poster.) That's where B3 comes in.

P.S. I do have to admit that Bed, Bath, and Beyond is indeed crawling with nice-looking gay men. At least mine is.

--Gay Guy

The nasty stereotype is true. Most single straight guys simply do not "treat" their windows. They don't "accent" their sofas.

One of my first bosses was gay. Male model gay. He had no idea how to talk to me, given that we had NOTHING in common about how we spent our weekends. One monday morning, he went on and on about the perfect "finials" (just googled spelling on that) he had found after months of searching. Whether he was talking about shoes, birds, or flowers, I had no idea. Turns out, he was talking about curtain rod ornaments. In one conversation, he expended more mental energy on the issue of window treatments than I had in my whole life.

When I was on my own, old sheets and thumbtacks did the job nicely. Now, I prefer wood blinds, and am willing to hire professionals to pick, measure, and install them.

For the record, this purchase/return pattern is not unusual for Gay Guy. He once recruited me to help him deliver a dining chair from a shop to his apartment. I asked him, who buys a single dining chair? Turns out, it was a sample chair, and he couldn't decide until he took it home for a week-long fung shui workout.

I think he thinks everyone does this.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: They Just Can't Help It

Genius, inanity, or perfect brand positioning?

--Straight Guy

The Best of Gay 2008: Because Gay.Com Tells Me So

I meant to put this up last week. It's gay.com's Best of 2008 list.

Obama, Tina Fey, but no Milk.

Straight Guy, how much of this did you know about?

--Gay Guy

Giving Hope to Geeks, Too

The ceremony, the celebrations, the adoring throngs, the transfer of power...

But this has to be the one of the coolest things that happens to Barack Obama this month.

"When we heard that President-Elect Obama is a collector of Spider-Man comics, we knew that these two historic figures had to meet in our comics' Marvel Universe," says Marvel's Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada. "Historic moments such as this one can be reflected in our comics because the Marvel Universe is set in the real world. A Spider-Man fan moving into the Oval Office is an event that must be commemorated in the pages of Amazing Spider-Man.

More details at Marvel Comics.

Better buy this one early, GG. They are only printing a "half run" to keep collectors on their toes. Still, better than the collector's plates I keep seeing on late night infomercials.

--Straight Guy

Joy of Sex: The Little Cookbook of Straight Life, Revised and Smoother Edition

Straight Guy,

A reader sent a link to this hilarious New Yorker review of the overhauled Joy of Sex. (The article has a graphic of a breast; it's completely benign, but you decide if it is NSFW.)

The new Joy of Sex, out in stores this week, updates what would seem to defy being updated. When it comes to sex, is there anything new for which to be joyful? (This is an example of a rhetoric question, SG. I don't really require an answer.) At least one thing is different: the male figure in the 1972 illustrations looked frightening --picture the Geico Caveman. The new man looks more like that nice looking guy who works down the hall in the finance office. Just with a better haircut.

Finding the Joy of Sex in my parents' nightstand drawer was worse than finding out that, well, that Dad ate the cheese and crackers we left for Santa.

--Gay Guy

Thanks, GG. I really needed a resource like this when I was growing up. Like many straight boys, I got wildly inaccurate information from my playground chums followed by gentle corrections from my mother. Once, while running a few errands with her, I asked what the word "genitalia" meant, and the floodgates of unwelcome information opened. We were probably only 5 minutes from home, but I'm sure she drove many miles out of her way, just to get it all out while I was a captive audience. I think I slept in the car that night.

As to the fact that Gay Guy left cheese and crackers (!) for Santa... of course he did. Sugar cookies are so... gauche. This year, he left a tapas sampler with microwave instructions as well as a chilled cava.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: Campari, The Gay, Straight, or Androgenous Apertif?

Straight Guy,

Frequent reader and commenter Straight in Upstate read your January 4 post about Jessica Alba being "photochopped" for the 2009 Campari calendar and asked, "What is Campari?" I came online to get a description of Campari. In addition, I found this very intriguing commercial:



Don't worry Straight Guy, it looks like there is a Salma Hayek Campari ad just for you.

If I had known how much "chase me, chase me, change me, change me" I could wrench from a glass of Campari, I would have tried one sooner. Mostly, I wanted to cross it off my list of literary potent potables. Characters in novels by Virgina Woolf to Thomas Wolfe to the uber-macho Hemingway are always drinking aperitifs. FYI: Campari tastes like a combination of cough syrup, quinine, and chalk. I suspect it was created to ward off malaria.

Back to the commercial: I thought the two faun-like people were both women, so at least the dude offered some element of surprise. I'm a sucker for the tension between the hidden and the revealed. Sometimes the hidden is more exciting and the reveal is a let down. Which brings us back to our recent posts about gay/straight guys and their undies.

Straight Guy, I don't think gay guys really fall for the kind of titillation in this commercial. I fell for the aesthetic and the architecture of the location. Do Straight Guys find this stuff seductive?

--Gay Guy

"Yes" to Salma (check her out seducing Alec Baldwin currently on 30 Rock). "No" to everything else. Campari looks like the weird red syrup at IHOP to me.

-- Straight Guy

Gay Underwear/Straight Underwear: A Brief Post

Straight Guy,
Now that we’ve introduced the topic of gay underwear, straight underwear, I have to ask you a further question. Day time underwear vs. night time underwear: is this a gay/straight divide? Gays, is this a single/partnered divide? Is this a sartorial habit practiced only by people with too much time on their hands?

In a nutshell: When I get ready for work or during the day on weekends, I just grab whatever pair is on top in the drawer. Without too much detail, we’re talking white. When I get ready to go out at night – a date, dinner, any place where there is a remote chance that my underwear might become, ahem, visible to another man, I go for black. But never black during the day.

Have I reached a new level of lunacy or do straight men catalog their underwear by purpose, potential sighting scale, time of day or event? Fellow gay guys, do we band together on this?

--Gay Guy

Is He Gay or Straight?: Underwear Test

FROM STRAIGHT GUY: Ask the gentleman where he buys his underwear. If he buys them in 5-packs from Target or WallMart, he's probably straight. If he has no idea where his underwear comes from, or what brand he wears, he's probably straight, but taken. Once a momma's boy...

The stereotype is true. Once a straight guy is off the market and not trying so hard to get laid, the quality of his underwear becomes a non-issue. Unsupervised, we wear them until they disintegrate. And then for a few months more. Who likes to buy underwear, anyway?

Still laughing that someone took the time to create this helpful illustration. Are you happy with your "armholes," GG? (A lot of work only to misfire on the labeling for "crotch" and "fly". Note to young readers: Do not trust the SexEd diagrams at Visual Dictionary!) Ideally, if you're able able to use a computer to navigate to the site, you should already have the operational complexities of underwear all worked out.

FROM GAY GUY: A quick look around my gym’s locker room indicates that good underwear always has a name: Calvin Klein, Polo, 2xist (Straight Guy: Say ‘To Exist,’ it’s very gay). There’s a sprinkling of Hanes or FTL, but no representation from J C Penney. So, the gay stereotype holds true: we’re brand whores.

Underwear quality checks never end for gay men. It’s a point of pride. A comfortable sag here and there is okay (if you’re off the dating track), but gaps, tears, or worse, just wouldn’t happen for a gay man. I never really thought about this, but I suppose good underwear counts because we check out each other’s business. The wrapper just means more for us; and thus the miracle of fashion technology that is the ‘contour pouch.’

Straight Guy, how many seams does YOUR underwear have down the back?

Who likes to buy underwear? Am I supposed to be ashamed?

P.S. Tucking your undershirt INTO the waistband of whatever kind of underwear you are sporting looks ridiculous. Please add this as an agenda item at your next Straight Guy meeting.
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Does This Yoga Mat Make Me Look Gay?

Straight Guy,

This morning I took one step toward fulfilling a new year's resolution: I took a yoga class at my gym. For years I've said I wanted to take yoga (insert learn to play tennis, learn Spanish, get on of those torches that carmelize the sugar for the perfect top to creme brulee).

Resolved to keep my resolution, I had the sudden realization last evening that I might be expected to bring my own mat. Drat, mat. I had already expended too much mental energy on what I was going to wear, I just didn't have it in me to think about the mat.

A friend kindly drove me to Target. So we're standing in front of the mats. Pink, lavender, baby blue. I just can't show up at yoga with a pink mat. Here's a green mat. Green, green is good, right? My friend concurred. Green is the way to go.

As I was unfurling my mat in the yoga studio, I discovered that the work side of the mat had this lovely floral design down the side. Curses, gay again. Though, it's a very handsome design in a William Morris style. Turns out the gym provides grey, somewhat Spartan mats. I guess I'll stick with the one I brought.

P.S. If ever you think that yoga is easy, remember that the class ended 6 hours ago and my arms and legs still feel like jello.

--Gay Guy

Gay Straight Ad Watch: Photo-Chopped

Gay Guy,

Holidays over. Back to work. Might be time for a new calendar, right? Not sure about your preference: photos from Edith Wharton's Mount Estate vs. Tropical Orchids by Season vs. Firemen of the Bronx, hmmmm.

Some controversy this year around the Campari calendar. Each year it features a fabulous babe enjoying the product line and the company of tanned, hairless, italian beefcake. Previous years have featured Eva Mendes and Salma Hayek.

The photo editors took extra liberties this time by retouching pounds off of this year's star, Jessica Alba. (See the before and after above. Obviously not the same shot, but the slimming work is obvious... and overdone.)

Neither you or I are naive enough to belive this doesn't happen all the time. Remember the dust-ups over Beyonce's skin tone (lightened) and tummy (flattened), Kate Winslet's legs (lengthened), and Kate Hudson's and Keira Knightley's bikinis (filled)? Not to forget Hugh Grant's teeth (complete overhaul). Yes, photo retouching is a slippery slope, but this qualifies as digital surgery.

The backlash is always about the damage to the female psyche, re: body image, unattainable standards of perfection, etc. If Jessica Alba needs this much help, what hope is there for Jane Sixpack?

Not trying to minimize the problem, but let's be clear. Straight guys did not cause and do not perpetuate this particular problem. We could care less about the glossy, high fashion, euro-styled aesthetic on display here (which demographic would that be?). And there certainly is no underground campaign by us to make Alba any hotter. I guarantee that most straight guys think she looks fine the way she is.

[No. I am not sidestepping the complicating issue that Alba had a baby last year. If the folks at Campari are trying to completely erase the impact of that, then poo-poo on them and Alba shouldn't have taken the job this year. She looks fine.]

In the case of the Campari calendar, the men are certainly as objectified as the model. Talk about props! (Do most straight guys even buy Campari? Or have a good working definition of "objectified?")

Blame straight guys for the Swedish Bikini Team and the Playboy aesthetic, sure. Maybe women feel pressure to conform to the images of fashion industry waifs AND the bombshells of pop culture. But you can't pin ALL of this angst on us.

Besides, they shouldn't worry so much. One of the best qualities about straight guys is that we are so easy to please. And that's not the same thing as having low standards.

You tell me, Gay Guy. Any of your team's fingerprints on this? Or are women torturing themselves?

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy,

I believe you that straight men don't much care for or about the high-gloss, high-fashion, overdone styling in this calendar. (Come clean, was this a Christmas present?) I find it impossible to imagine this calendar on the fridge of any straight man I know. The out of control Vouge magazine look isn't for y'all. And, you don't like to share your gals, even if it is some Euro-trash wanna be Chippendales dancer hairless abs-blasted boy.

Are my peeps behind this? Behind the camera, probably. Behind the plot to create a male erotic fantasy that actually screams gay, gay, gay and thus must cause some internal distress along with the visual candy? Sounds more like the plot of Shakespeare's Twelfth Night to me. I am not sure that any of my peeps have that much time on their hands. Besides, speaking for the team, if I had the coin to get some mostly nekkid, hairless piece of Italian sausage into a tropical pool on a sunny day, I wouldn't kill the buzz with Jessica Alba hanging around looking for attention. I'm sure she's a very nice lady, but timing IS everything.

So, this begs the question of exactly who is this calendar for? If it's designed to be the answer to a straight man's sexual fantasy and it's not really appealing to straight men, nor is it appealing to gay men, well, that leaves us with the fertile female mind. Is this appealing to lesbians? That is truly outside my area of expertise. Also, outside the range of my might imagination.

Personally, I think calendars like that, and I speak from some expertise now, whether they are designed to titillate straight or gays guys end up being rather depressing. Hot, then depressing. I indulge myself with a sexy man calendar pretty much every year, this year included. (Writing in my mom's birthday and my parent's anniversary in a box below the, well, box is weird. The new calendar features tasteful black and white images, and lured me in with "Fitness Tips" for each month. January's is "don't eat so much." I wonder if my objectified piece of man muscle has be photo-surgically slimmed.

Last but not least: I did once have a Campari and soda. Campari is neither gay nor straight. Nor does it taste good.

--Gay Guy

More 2008 Stats

Happy New Year Folks. Here's a few additions to Straight Guy's comments on our 2008 stats.

We've found readers in the usual suspects of New York, San Francisco, D.C., L.A., and Chicago, but also Yukon, Oklahoma. In fact, we've had hits from almost every state in the U.S. No pressure, but North Dakota, come home, all is forgiven.

Most of our readers are from the United States, but in the month of December alone, we had hits from 28 different countries. From top to bottom (geographically speaking), we've had hits in Tromso, Norway, and Rosario, Argentina. I'm touched that we have regular hits from countries where it might not feel completely safe to type the words 'gay guy' into a search engine.

Keep us bookmarked and write us -- we love hearing from you.

Happy 2009!

--Gay Guy