Letter to Gay Guy: What ?"Iron Man 2" Not a Possibility?

Straight Guy,

Hope you had a good holiday weekend.

I had a social weekend, including two movie outings, each with a female friend. Both movies were "chick flicks." Letters to Juliet and, of course, Sex and the City 2.

I didn't campaign for seeing either of these movies. Okay, do you hear my defensive tone? I can just imagine you smirking at me already. I'm smirking at myself. Even as a gay man, I make seeing these movies conditional. I am a victim: "Oh, it wasn't me. Wasn't my choice. I just went along." In this case, it's true; I wasn't eager to see either movie.

Like my friends, I just wanted to see something light and breezy. No thinking. There wasn't a new Bourne Identity with Matt Damon (or, "Porn Identity), so we went with what we had.

Alert: CLS and TP: I am not complaining about seeing either movie. I had a fine time and enjoyed seeing you. I was not miserable. I am not complaining. TP: I especially loved those pre-movie cocktails that put us in the Sex and the City mood. But, even gay guys are wary of seeing a "chick flick." Especially not very good ones.

"Chick Flick." "Chick Lit." The expressions are pretty self-explanatory. But not all that well defined. I've never asked any of my female friends if they find either of those terms offensive. I would understand if they did.

So why are some love stories fine for guys to watch and some not? Or to make it more personal to me, why do I think that Forster's "A Room With a View" or Waugh "Brideshead Revisited" are fine books that made fine movies, but "Letters to Juliet" somehow rates my criticism? At heart, they are all part of a long line of movies about English people who have to travel to Italy to get their romantic mojo working. I don't think of the Austen cannon as being chick lit, so why is "The Jane Austen Book Club" chick lit? I will have to think more about this.

Sex and the City does however deserve any disdain I give it. It is just dumb. I'll narrow my criticism to one of the early scenes, the gay wedding. Over the top, over decorated, expensive, men's chorus, Liza Minnelli officiating. You get the picture. It's a gay wedding cartoon as drawn by straight people. Or by a gay man who knows gay people that I don't know.

Not a great post. But seems like there is something to think about here. I am tired. I will think and write more about this topic. But now it's off to bed. Work tomorrow. Not happy about that.

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: Freaky Hitler Edition

Gay Guy,

Other images in the "AIDS is a Mass Murderer" campaign include similar boom-chicka-wow-wow poses from Saddam Hussein and Joseph Stalin. This campaign is a few years old, but I remembered it when I saw...

The colorized Hitler Image is for a fashion line in Italy. Slogan: "Change Style -- Don't Follow Your Leader."

You know the deal. Both campaigns resulted in (1) indignant outrage and (2) the priceless PR surge that only an outrage-fueled media storm can provide. Mission accomplished.

What? Me? I'm just a critical observer, sharing these incendiary images and refusing to acknowledge my small role in making these campaigns successful. It's a new twist on the old axiom that a scientist can't observe something without effecting it. In this case, you can't blog about tacky ads without giving the advertisers publicity they don't deserve. Future generations will call it the Pink Hitler Principle.

OK. My take: Beyond the toxicity of the horny Hitler image, the mass murderer campaign makes the inexcusable mistake of suggesting that infected people, not the disease itself, are mass murderers. Let's save the sex=death metaphors for schlocky horror movies, where the lustful kids always meet an untimely end.

As far as pink Hitler, I'm less miffed by the attempt to subvert the world's most shameless propagandist by toying with his own image. I understand that many can't find humor in Hitler's general vicinity, but even for them, can we at least acknowledge how he would hate this! But, how it works to sell trendy denim, I'm not so sure.

Sidebar note on Hitler/Nazi references: Glenn Beck recently tried to call foul -- on critics of the Arizona documentation law -- for the use of a Gestapo metaphor. The Daily Show fired back with this great segment. How does Beck survive these critiques?

--Straight Guy

Ad Watch: Straight Guys Ruin Everything!, Episode 143

Gay Guy,

There's a whole category of products that serve no purpose other than to give the whole family a giggle when opened as a gift. I guess that's fine. We've covered this before -- part of the modern straight guy's role is to serve as the punchline for these jokes. Everyone farts. But demographically, we're the only acceptable villain for a national commercial.

"Ha ha, that's funny because Dad is so vile and disgusting! Ooh! Let's take a picture of you with your new Butt Burp Barrier™! Hold it up and smile! Everyone else pinch your noses!"

Whatever.

Still, do we need to compare the generic husband's routine flatulence to the devastation of chemical weapons? If it's that bad, why not hide the bacon and barbecue sauce instead of changing to hazmat-grade linens from the Cheek Squeak Boutique™? Talk about treating the symptoms instead of curing the disease...

Back in college I knew a guy who would often torture his girlfriend with a dutch oven. I think he thought this was foreplay. This was only one aspect of their relationship that convinced me she suffered from some sort of dorm-based Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe this blanket would have made a difference. But I hear they're still married, so probably not.

--Straight Guy

... now where are those trademark applications ...

Bridging the Gay/Straight Divide: Badass Rainbows!

I'm not sure I can justify the need for it's existence. But here it is, nonetheless.

http://badassrainbows.wordpress.com/

Yes, Mr. Rainbow. Whatever you say, Mr. Rainbow. Let me get that for you, Mr. Rainbow.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Update: Sex and the City

Gay Guy,

Michael Patrick King, creator/producer/owner of the "Sex and the City" franchise, put up a column on the Daily Beast today. He wonders if there's any love out there for his films from straight guys. He's often interviewed by them, but their exposure to SATC is ALWAYS conditional: "My wife make me watch," or "I had to see what all the fuss was about."

According to King, straight guys are also intimidated by all the talk about high-end shoes. So, he's just not confident his vision is connecting with my demographic. Here's a quote:

I cling to my family members for support — my brothers-in-law and nephews who swear to me that they love Sex and the City. Even as I tell myself, “They’re straight and they like it,” there is a nagging voice in the back of my head that counters, “But they’re family — perhaps they are giving you a pass.” Like the family members at a piano recital who nod on supportively as the beloved child performing hits some deafening clinkers to end the program.

And if he hears that a straight guy IS a fan of the franchise?

As much as I am thrilled with that information, a good part of my more realistic self thinks: He’s just going to see it to get laid. (And if that is the case, I am happy to help a brother out.)

Thanks for that, Mr. King. I've seen that plan in action and it works.

As he realizes, it's no big deal. Just because we can't see ourselves in his narrative (apparently, many gay men CAN -- GG is such a Miranda!) doesn't mean that we can't appreciate that slice of life. From a distance, of course... like a National Geographic documentary.

I love New York City and go as often as I can. But I rarely see it the way King sees it. His fantasies are not my fantasies. All that fabulousness would drive me out of my mind. Call me crazy, but I like being married, eating at greasy-spoon diners, and mowing the lawn. But oh, wouldn't it be nice to be the object of sexual objectification, a la Mr. Big, once in a while?

What do you think, GG? Is it at all telling that, until today, I've had the title wrong all these years? I thought it was "Sex IN the City." Guess he's right about us, we haven't really been paying attention.

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy,

I never caught the Sex and the City bug. I have some gay buddies who liked it, but I was clueless. Or cable-less. A few years ago, flush with my new Netflix subscription and an urge to be part of pop culture, I rented season one, but it never really took.

For all its frothiness and celebration of consumerism and the shallow -- and don't forget cocktails -- I don't dismiss SATC. There are a lot of universal truths in it.

My friend Jo once shook her head and said that the SATC characters were "like no women she knew." I replied with Marge Simpson's superb one-line analysis of SATC: "That's the show about four women acting like gay men." Marge always did have a lot going under under that blue beehive.

The ladies of SATC -- written as gay men, played as straight women? A stereotype's a stereotype's a stereotype, but I've rented a gay beach house or two back in my flat-stomached days -- and so the shopping, gossip, buzz for the hot new drink or restaurant sounds familiar, as does the undressing a man with your eyes . . . then sharing his dick size once the eyes called in the hands for reinforcement. So, yeah, Marge wasn't totally off base.

SG, I take a strong exception with something you wrote--that straight men don't or can't see yourselves in the SATC narrative. Uhmmm . . . let's see: Having easy sex, without consequences, sex for the physical pleasure only, sex without emotions or expectations? Straight men can't "see yourselves" in that narrative? That's the title page of your playbook. Either that or I've been robbed of a dog's year of sleep over the past decade being up to 2 a.m. consoling recently burned straight female friends.

Another reason to watch SATC -- it is full of gay characters, sometimes because they are G-A-Y, but mostly just because the world is full of gay characters.

Finally, yes, in the great game of "which character are you?", I am indeed Miranda. With a splash of Carrie, I hope. But, yep, Miranda.

--Gay Guy

All right, GG. You got us. But isn't it only the older, crazy lady who acts like that? The catch is that we want those things without effort or drama, and the SATC ladies can't get from A to B without three costume changes, $100 in cocktails, and a sassy send-off from their cadre of gal pals and gay advisers. No thanks. --SG

Gay Guy's Fashion Note: Hot Pink is NOT the New Black

Straight Guy,

I'm enjoying my long weekend in New York City to visit my friend.

The weather was gorgeous today, so we planned a whole day outside. That meant being prepared with sun block, water bottles, snacks, a sweater. While I was getting dressed, my friend packed the tote bag and asked me to carry it (she was already dealing with her purse). No problem, I said.

The pic is what came out of the closet. Literally and figuratively. I am all about materials promoting breast cancer awareness, but really, do I have to carry this?

Hot pink? Like I don't already have enough gay bells and whistles? No navy? No black?

So... I toted our stuff around New York today in this Malibu Barbie bag. Not one gay man in Chelsea, SoHo, or the West Village dared make eye contact. Pink, yes. Pretty, no.

--Gay Guy

Broadway Bathrooms Ain't Got No Potty Parity

Straight Guy,

Enjoying being in New York.

Broadway babies that we are, my friend and I went to a Sondheim show tonight. You know gays and musical theater. . . .

First time I ever saw a men's room line that was longer than the women's room line.

--Gay Guy

If at First You Don't Succeed, Fail, Fail Again

Spent a little time on FailBlog today... here's a couple that fall into GG/SG territory.


I'm cheap, so I'll take a ladyboy special to go, please. Hold the pickle.

--Straight Guy

Straight Guy Badassery Awards: Alabama Edition

Robert Lee of Cullman Liquidation:



Dale Peterson, Candidate for Ag Commish:



Both of these commercials are real. Too real. I won't mess with either one.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: Super Sexy CPR

I showed this to GG this morning and he stormed off with "what's wrong with you people?," under his breath. I think we all know what he's talking about.

Here's a link to the Super Sexy CPR site, and their one-minute, lingerie-on-lingerie video. Follow at your own discretion.

Yeah. It's shameless. We explore that theme pretty regularly here at the Ad Watch. But really, it's just a Victoria's Secret commercial with the benefit of passing along potentially life-saving information.

In truth it's a viral campaign for Fortnight Lingerie. Through some "research" I've learned that they are Canadian and specialize in handmade underwear. To their credit, this information is not easily found on their CPR site.

What do you think, readers? Exploitation? Or is CPR training vital to communicate "by any means necessary?"

Next up: a Heimlich Maneuver how-to. Just guessing.

--Straight Guy