Second Star to the Right and on 'til Mourning

Gay Guy,

I saw Michael Jackson in concert in September, 1984 at JFK Stadium in Philadelphia. This was post-Thriller, but he was on tour with his brothers, who posed and preened like they were stars of equal magnitude. Pffft. No one cared and we couldn't wait until they were (probably forcibly dragged) backstage so that Michael could perform his Thriller hits solo. He did not disappoint. It was the first time I had any sense of the profound power he had as a celebrity... how iconic he already was... and how uncontrived his every hiccup and twitch seemed at the time. (Yes, there was a brief moment when it didn't seem unnatural and absurd.)

The setting and staging was all artifice, camp, and kitsch. A blitzkrieg of lights, thunder, dayglow costumes, and smoke. But beyond all that noise, or because of it, I don't know, I knew that no one else would ever do the things he did that well.

When I returned to JFK the next summer for the day-long Live Aid concert (weird and wonderful), the buzz was that Michael Jackson would be the secret, unannounced performer for the finale. My hopes were high. But, in the end, we had to settle for Lionel Ritchie. Even after everyone gathered for "We Are the World," I still hoped that Michael might explode onstage at any moment. What a long ride home.

Michael never showed, and I've been settling ever since. That was only the first of many bad decisions for him. Every moment of inspiration in his long career since then has been matched or surpassed by periods of indulgence, delusion, sickness, and corruption. Incredible achievements matched by massive missteps and outright self destruction. I see him as a victim of many exterior forces, but he also suffered from too much self-love and self-loathing, both. I would have liked to have seen one last redemptive live performance (and heard him sing live, too, but who are we kidding?). If these upcoming concerts were really to be his last best chance at that, then I am sorry he never got the opportunity.

I can't be the only fan with a complicated take on Michael Jackson and his passing. To be sentimental and nostalgic, but also deeply disappointed, dispirited, and, in some sad way, relieved that at least his downward spiral is done.

Or, am I alone in this?

--Straight Guy

P.S. Favorite Fan Madness Moment: Fans gathered for a candlelight vigil at Michael's Hollywood sidewalk star. Only it was the wrong star, dedicated to a radio DJ of the same name. The correct star was a few blocks away, amidst the red carpet hubbub of the Bruno premiere. Informed of their mistake, the mourners decided it was too much trouble to move or wait, and kept the tribute going in the name of the wrong MJ. link

Brünö: Slapstick or Satire?

I'm back from vacation and will have some posts up soon.

FYI: Here comes the Brünö express, GG. We need to be ready.

Good or bad for SG/GG relations? Not ours... but in general?

You can lampoon stereotypes and our reactions to them (Newman's "Short People"), but not everyone gets the joke, or appreciates the attempt in the first place. This interview is slapstick, to make it to satire is a lot more work. We'll have to see.

Interested, or already turned off?

--Straight Guy

Coasts Show Their Pride

Straight Guy,

Some fun coverage from two big gay pride celebrations, San Francisco and New York, that occurred this past weekend. Fun stuff.

Slide show in New York Times article is especially fun.

It looks like it would have been fun to be at either celebration. I skipped my home's pride weekend entirely. No parade, no street fair. Ended up going out of town.

I have some ambivalence about whether prides celebrations are still relevant. Are we now so assimilated that we don't need them anymore? Is that a good thing, or do we need to hang on to our history and culture? Maybe if my home threw a pride as fun as SF or NYC, I'd be more inclined to engage in it.

--Gay Guy

Over the Rainbow?

Straight Guy,

We're wrapping up June, which means we're wrapping up Pride celebrations across the U.S. Two biggies, San Francisco and NYC, are this weekend. Pride is especially important this year --it's the 40th anniversary of Stonewall, the beginning of the modern gay civil rights era.

Gay pride means being drowned by the inescapable rainbow flag, I fear.

I confess: I hate the rainbow flag.

The symbol of gay pride and gay identifier is part of the daily visual grind of a gay's life. Rainbow flag bumper sticker -- homo behind the wheel. Rainbow flag a store door -- gay money accepted here. Call an organization rainbow anything, yep, it's gay.

Like all codes it has its purposes, but, oh, say can you see that there's no hiding from the rainbow flag during pride. Every fucking picture frame, coffee mug, beer chubby, t-shirt, condom key chain. . . .

What's my rainbow flag disconnection? Why do I so dislike the rainbow flag? Rainbows are chipper and cheerful. Who doesn't love rainbows?

There's just something about having a rainbow forced on me that makes me feel like a child. No self aware adult wears rainbow anything. Is it the bright colors? Maybe if we just toned it down a bit?

Here's a good clip from Studio 360 about bringing the rainbow flag into the 21st century. Finding it made me feel less alone. Maybe still one in ten, but not alone. One in ten out of one in ten, but not alone.

Anybody else over the rainbow?
--Gay Guy

Gay / Straight Friendship Advice: Thanks for Sharing

Question from a reader:

I met a straight guy (I'll call him Mark) at a men's personal growth workshop (1 day). Of the ten men there, I was the only gay guy. We all shared on some personal issues... most were struggling with relationship with a woman or their father/mother. I shared on the loss of my partner four years ago. They were all pretty cool and wanted to see the medal that I had which depicted my partner and me together.

Anyway, Mark and I shared some stuff that just resonated with each other... parallels between his breakup with his girlfriend and his struggle with his father. After the session he passed me a note saying that he could sense that my partner was with me. I gave him a small self-growth paperback that I had with me (which I had planned to give to him before his note to me).

Anyway we have emailed each other twice over the last few months since the retreat. For a straight guy, he freely shares about his own struggle with his life and father, etc. He is always hopeful in his sharing... hopeful about changes for himself, etc. I feel very privileged for this and want to keep up this relationship.... especially since I really don't have any straight friends with whom I have shared in this manner. My challenge is that I am afraid... afraid of trying so hard to have this relationship, afraid of rejection, etc, etc. (I know that some of this is possibly trying to make up for my life loss of a deeper acceptance by straight guys.) He said in his last email that he might want to get together for lunch sometime.

Any helpful suggestions or insights would be greatly appreciated.

Hanging in there.

--H.

P.S. I am much older than him, so maybe he might see me as a person with some additional lifetime experience?? Not sure.

GAY GUY RESPONDS:

Sorry to take some time to get back to you. Both SG and I have been out of town.

I hope that in the meantime you've gone ahead and had lunch with "Mark." He sounds like a gem of a guy, and I hope you are seizing the opportunity for a new friendship in your life.

I'm not a therapist, but here is how I would talk about this issue with a friend: We are all afraid of rejection, maybe that wound and fear that lives in each of us never completely heals. But, objectively speaking, Mark is signaling that he wants more with you. He's shared some e-mails, asked you to lunch, shows that he "gets" you.

I'm interested in a phrase that you used: that you are "afraid of trying so hard to have this relationship." I don't think you have to try -- it seems to be rolling out in front of you like a red carpet. Is it trying so hard to have the relationship, or wanting so much to have it.

My advice is, not to be too blunt, to get out of your own way here, and get a lunch or an after work beer on the calendar. Just accept this positive development and welcome it into your life.

Not sure what you mean by life loss of acceptance by straight guys, but, whatever you mean, I suspect it's a hangover from childhood. I think I have some trust issues with straight men, too, but I've found real joy from letting go and moving forward. We all grow up, don't we?

Much as I, with humor, use this forum to reinforce stereotypes of straight men as beer drinking, sports watching, emotionally stunted man-childs, they aren't. Straight Guy is a real gem, so are my friends John and David. My life is better with them in it. And, they "get" me better than some of my gay guy friends do.

Jump onto the red carpet Mark is rolling over to you. Let me know how it goes.

--Gay Guy

STRAIGHT GUY RESPONDS:

I don't see any need to fear rejection, when he's the one inviting you to lunch. If two people, who have room in their lives for new friends, find and connect with each other, then great. It might be temporary, or it might be long term, who knows? The one thing that will kill it is worrying too much.

I will say that the first thing that they should have taught you in a personal growth seminar for men (never been, sorry), is that you should always be moving away from unnecessary drama. It can be a self-indulgent trap. Right now I get the sense that your friendship is based on sharing your emotional selves, and sooner or later, someone will tire of that. Find some balance between sharing your deepest thoughts and, I don't know, playing pool or building a deck or something. Find something in common other than your inner struggles.

Not to minimize your (or anyone's) grief, but the goal is to respectfully move on at some point, right? Nothing better than having a good, trustworthy, friend to help you do that. Use them as counsel and confidant, sure, but also let them be a distraction from your inner monologue, and most importantly, trust them to tell you when it's time to buck up.

Buck up, dude.

--Straight Guy

Camping

Readers,

Straight Guy and Gay Guy each have been out of town for a few days. Straight Guy is on a family trip, and we'll hear from him later in the week. 

Gay Guy just came back from a weekend of hiking and lounging in the great outdoors. GG likes the outdoors. A walk in the woods, a hike, some kayaking, a little biking -- I'm there. I secretly like being called outdoorsy; it sounds sexy, a reliable kind of sexy.  

People sometimes are surprised that I like hiking, but when I prod them, turns out that they've confused hiking and camping.  GG does not like camping. GG does not camp. He does not carry his world on his back, pitch a tent, use a rock for a pillow. He packs water, snacks, and some power bars, but not groceries and a portable stove.  

I am happy to be out all day, I just prefer to take a nice shower, eat a nice dinner, and sleep in a real bed. I don't want to wake up sweaty with bugs on me. 

--Gay Guy

It's not what you say but the way that you say it.

Straight Guy,

This is a tad embarrassing to admit, but I have a crush. A celebrity crush.

No, not the list of actors you've known me to be hot for. (That's a post for another day, readers.) A new celebrity. Well, not really a celebrity. Oh, out with it.

Yes, I love the voice over in the Subaru commercials. Who knows if I'd love the man the voice belongs to, but I know I love the voice. Here's one melodious voice over example, the episode about going to Subaru heaven.



I am a sucker for the human voice. A good voice makes me go all googly inside. This has caused me me trouble; I can fail to listen to what a man says when I am listening to how his voice sounds. As in, I think, "Oh your voice is so soulful, I could listen to it forever," when the words coming out of his mouth are, "I am emotionally retarded and have zero ability to have any kind of meaningful relationship."

What is it about men's voices that hits the spot for me? Maybe it's all the time I spent in music class. Maybe it's the mystery of having no idea what the person behind the voice looks like. Maybe it's that my father doesn't need to talk much; in fact, he once picked up and drove across the United States -- New York to Seattle -- just for the chance to be even more quiet.

I've outed myself on my voice lust -- readers, any irrational crush-makers for you? Leave a comment and let us know.

--Gay Guy

P.S. Back to the Subaru commercial: I have nothing to say about the quality of a Subaru or the content of the commercial. I don't know what's going on between the narrator and Larry. Leaving the old Forester out under a tree does seem ecologically unsound to me.

Can't Stop Believin'

OK, I know I'm not the only one who has this song on the brain this summer. It's everywhere.

The Journey song barely cracked the top 10 back in 1981, but picked up a lot of momentum two years ago when Tony Soprano selected it from the jukebox in the series' final scene.

After the Sopranos, it quickly popped up into iTunes top downloads category and has stayed there for over two years now. It's catchy enough, but it's resurgence has made it the most downloaded song from the 20th century (pre-2000). Is it that good? Well, Esquire Magazine recently named it the "greatest karaoke song of all time." On the other hand, Steve Perry and Journey haven't even been nominated for induction to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I bet they're raking in the cash without apologies, though.

Last month, the song was featured in the new Fox series, Glee (see above, or you can catch the whole episode on Hulu here.) FWIW, I caught the episode during my American Idol finale binge (how could I miss the thousand promos?), and thought it might be good for a GG/SG review when it begins its regular run in the fall. Though it looks it, it's no High School Musical: When the new glee club teacher can't convince the quarterback to perform with "Homo Explosion" (as it's known around the school), he plants drugs (acquired from a disgraced teacher accused of mollesting students) in the QB's locker and uses a suspension as leverage. How's that for motivation?

Credit where credit is due... Apparently Petra Hayden and the Sell Outs have been doing a very similar a capella version for years now. It's also been retooled for the Broadway musical, "Rock of Ages." Anyone seen that?

My problem, is that I'm liking it more than I'd like to. Anyone sharing my pleasure and/or pain? Anyone (else) willing to admit to being 1 of 2,000,000 downloads?

--Straight Guy

National Man Day Coverage

Straight Guy,

Did you do anything for yesterday's National Man Day?

I did not participate, at least as far as I can tell. I did not explode anything, quote Homer Simpson, or go hygiene optional. Nor beer can crushing or NASCAR watching.

My activities were going to a play, a dinner of tapas with a great friend, and two glasses of Pinot Noir. Oh, and we finished up the night with a pink guava gourmet frozen yogurt and a moonlight walk. Gay, I know.

As much as I want this site to bridge the gay/straight divide, I am happy with my gay evening, even if it fits every gay stereotype.

Here's a sampling of National Man Day clips.

Ron Reagan Show
WishTV.com
National Post
Manolith
and my favorite, College Candy

I've read the sites, and stand by my theater, Pinot Noir, and fancy yogurt evening.

--Gay Guy

Euro Guy Look

Straight Guy,

In his comment yesterday about meat hats, Straight in Upstate asked if I had ever worn a sweater tied around my neck, a sweater some kind of fabric, not of meat or meat products, I assume.

The answer is "no."

The occasional Nantucket-type guy can pull off a sweater around the neck or shoulders. Enough to give me a slight twinge of envy. I've stood in front of a mirror with sweater sleeves across my neck. No go. It's a case of "Does this sweater make me look gay?" It does.

My real envy is European men who can wear a sweater that way and make it look uncontrived and effortless. They make dirty messy hair and/or clogs look stylish, so they have some special power that Americans don't have. I pine to be able to pull of that look: sort of gay, sort of straight, very sexy. I think it starts with being whippet thin.

I'd say have a certain sense of style. Some days are better -- meaning more an expression of my personality -- than others. Most days, it's what's clean, comfortable, and calling my name from the closet. My guess is that this is a universal, gay or straight.

So, my sweaters start at my neck and end at my hips. Sort of college boy gone older.

--Gay Guy