New Year's Resoutions: No Spare Change

Gay Guy,

I'm not much for New Year's resolutions. We all need goals, and I have plenty. But I also think that it's hard for people to change. Resolving NOT to be who you were before -- and hoping to transform into something new and better -- is a recipe for unhappiness. Take it slow, have good intentions, be honest, and see what happens. (Unless you're a habitual drunk driver or addicted to something dangerous. If you are hurting yourself or someone else, then get help and resolve to start a new chapter ASAP.)

That said, I did a search for "top resolutions" and, surprise, the US government has a site ready to go with links provided to all appropriate branches and offices. Want to get out of debt? Let the Federal Trade Commission help. Want to drink less? Bring in the National Institutes of Health.

Anyone else remember when you could order pamphlets on just about any self-help issue from the government distribution center in Pueblo, Colorado? Well, the internet hasn't killed that group just yet. They have a link, too. (http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov/)

I don't know if I'm frightened or impressed that they can get involved on so many levels of my personal life. Are they like a big brother, or like Big Brother?

Here's the linked list from usa.gov/citizen.

• Lose Weight
• Manage Debt
• Save Money
• Get a Better Job
• Get Fit
• Get a Better Education
• Drink Less Alcohol
• Quit Smoking Now
• Reduce Stress Overall
• Reduce Stress at Work
• Take a Trip
• Volunteer to Help Others

Readers, I need to do less of a few things and more of a few other things. But I'm not going to promise to stop doing anything, or to start doing something I've never done before.

Anyone else willing to share a resolution or two? Best wishes for a happy new year.

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Debate: A Few of Our Favorite Things

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Readers,

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you. Sorry we've been slow in posting. Gay Guy is traveling and I've been doing the shopping, snow shoveling, and in-laws shuffle.

Hope it's not too late for us to post our quadrant graph on holiday likes and dislikes. We might share some cookies or something, but we're guy coworkers, so no secret Santa thoughtful knickknacks or sentimental cards necessary, thank you. The only firm tradition we share together is to skip lunch one day each December to go shopping for toys for kids at our hospital and the Toys for Tots program. The thought that some kids might feel marginalized or forgotten (while the rest of the world is celebrating) drives us out of our minds.

Some interesting notes on the graph:

• The only reason I ranked "getting" over "giving" is that I am so bad at choosing presents (wrong size, wrong color, already has one, etc.).

• Gay Guy may not rank sentimental commercials as a favorite, but he can't even talk about one (where the son returns from faraway early one snowy Christmas morning and awakens/surprises his mother with the smell of brewing coffee) without tearing up.

• The Rockettes frighten me. Can't really explain why.

Readers, now that you've survived (except for New Year's Eve), let us know what gives you the holly jollies or bah humbugs.

--Straight Guy

Gay Guy Says: Man, Don't Give Me That Same Old Line

Straight Guy,

I found this article last week but didn't get the chance to post it.

The December issue of Men's Health has Taylor Lautner, sadly shirted, on the cover. No big surprise there. But, as the Yahoo article reports, the headlines to the left of his photo are a word-for-word repeat of those on the left side of the October 2007 cover, which featured Jason Staham. Read the news.

"Abs: See Results in Just 9 Days."

"Dress for More Sex."

"Gain Muscle, Lose Pounds."

Men's Health says it was an intentional marketing ploy. I don't buy it, mostly because I do buy it, the magazine that is. If there is one thing I've learned from reading Men's Health, which I'll admit has a seductive gay soft-core porn aspect to it, is that they have about half a dozen articles up their editorial sleeve. Most of them go something like this: "Eat Anything You Want and Lose Weight," "Do Nothing to Be Attractive or Interesting and Still Get Women Humming Your Tune" and "Get a Great Body Without Getting Getting Your Body Off the Sofa." They were doomed to repeat a cover or two.

It's not Men's Health's fault. It's because they write for men.

Men are men. Straight or gay, we men have lots in common. We're essentially lazy. And childlike. In the back of our teeny underdeveloped brains we basically think we can get something for nothing most of the time. Generally speaking, I find that women are more alert that life requires effort and putting in some labor.

Straight Guy, Readers . . . Have I unfairly slammed my bretheren?

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: Holiday Edition

In our last edition of Ad Watch, we got some negative feedback on ads which featured themes of adultery as well as senior citizen sexuality. To those who were upset, I'd like to apologize. But I can't. Because here's an ad that packs both themes into a 30-second spot. And, as a final punchline, murder!

Ah, those sentimentalists at Boost Mobile.

Look, I have a soft spot for those RankinBass stop-motion animated specials. I also know that they are so stylized and formulaic that they are ripe for satire. But why do we have to jump all the way to porn spoofs like this or to the ultraviolence of the Goodfella's inspired Raging Rudolph?

--Straight Guy

Capital Christmas: DC Allows Same Sex Marriage

Straight Guy,

Thanks for the patience with my slow blogging. I'm still trying to make Christmas happen. I look forward to some holiday down time and blogging soon.

Until then, the news that our nation's capital now allows gay marriage is a holiday present. Unless Congress chooses to put a wintry blast on it.

Read the Washington Post story.

D.C.'s mayor put a civil rights angle on gay marriage, which makes the article extra good.

--Gay Guy

Manscaping Takes No Christmas Break

Straight Guy,

Just when the approach of winter compells we male animals to further thicken our body hair so that we can comfortably hibernate through the season . . . an article about why manscaping now makes us more attractive to our mates. Come on, people. Can't we all put being attractive on hold until spring?

I'm not anti-manscaping: Everyone likes to look and feel nice, and we all like our other halves to look and feel nice, so a certain amount of keeping it tidy is a good sign of physical and emotional hygiene. It's the Body Police attitude, the making yourself something you couldn't ever be --think Michael Jackson--that makes me worried.

The Gillette video and web site embedded in the news article is well worth looking at.

Read the article and look over the Web site and let me know what you think

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Holiday Gift Guide: Hot Calendars for 2010

Gay Guy,

For shameless exploitation and objectification, you (and many of our readers) won't be able to top the "Hot Guys, Baby Animals" calendar. Just look... That scruffy dude REALLY cares about the poor, pigment-less rabbit. Give me a break. Plenty of immodest dog walking and shirtless snuggling, to boot.

Who was it that said, "I can't define pornography, but I know it when I see it."? Oh well, proceeds benefit several animal rescue organizations, so indulge without guilt. (Link: www.hotguysandbabyanimals.com)


I'm slightly fascinated/embarrassed/intimidated by the "Hot Mormon Muffins" calendar. Mormon moms and muffin recipes... how could something that sounds so right go so wrong? The publisher said the calendars "are designed to shake up stereotypes that paint Mormons in general as stuffy or hyper-conservative and mothers in particular as homemakers from another era." Not a bad goal, but the guy was recently excommunicated from the LDS church for this mission-based work.

Hey, how come only dudes with crew cuts, bicycles, white shirts, and boring brochures come knocking on my door? Sometimes, a hot muffin might be the perfect way to break the ice. And I just might be speaking literally about recently baked breakfast treats!

(Links: AOL News, Store ... oh geez, they also have a shirtless Mormon "Men on a Mission" calendar. I can't win.)

--Straight Guy

Gay/Straight Grooming Alert: Beware the Clawz!

A Florida man has combined his career as a hairdresser with his fast-fingered piano technique and is now cutting hair with eight fingertip razors. (Link)

Valentino LoSauro now offers a cut entitled "Flight of the Bumblebee," and can finish in half the time as traditional barbers.

Still doubtful? Ritchie Sambora of Bon Jovi recently survived the "Clawz" process. What an endorsement. How can you not trust a middle-aged, semi-coherant, New Jersey hair band guitarist when it comes to issues of style and grooming?

Others who have undergone the process have left "stunned"... but I think Mr. LoSauro's wardrobe may also have been a factor in their bewilderment.

Most importantly, If this guy ever offers you any "manscaping" services, run for the hills.

--Straight Guy

The Interview, the Whole Interview, and Nothing but the Interview

Readers,

Earlier this week, we had the pleasure of being interrogated interviewed by Kathryn and featured on her blog: From the Inside Out. If you caught it over there, sorry for the duplication. But if you missed it, or read us through a feed, here it is: our moment in the sun.

Kathryn: Choosing my first victim interviewee was easy…I chose my oldest/dearest blogbuds, Gay Guy and Straight Guy, from GayGuyStraightGuy.com. I’ve been a fan of their blog since my blog-infancy…and we’ve shared many a laugh, cyber-martini and thoughtful comment together. They never cease to amuse, amaze and inform…and I honestly can’t imagine my homepage without them. (Insert audience “Awwwwww!” here.)

Welcome, Gay Guy. Welcome, Straight Guy. [SG note: Here, she teased us about about our faceless avatars... Someday, Kathryn. Someday. But don't set your hopes too high. We're just regular guys.]

GG/SG: “Thank you, Kathryn…for this opportunity. You found us in our early days and have been a good friend and supporter along the way.”

Kathryn: “Well, this interview is long overdue. Partly because it took you so long to get it back to me. But, I’ll let that slide ‘cause I love you guys.” (Insert second audience “awwww!” here)

And so…without further ado, let the interview begin!

Q: You guys have been blogging for a while. How long as it been now and who came up with the original concept?

Straight Guy: We launched in November 2007, so we've just begun our third year. I was a regular blog reader, and wanted to give it a try. I thought about what other folks might consider interesting or unique and decided to ask Gay Guy if he'd be willing to do a team blog. We've been working together for over 15 years now, so we understand each other's shorthand. The concept was very broad: though we know each other pretty well, we lead very different lives. The contrast is interesting, as is the overlap, whenever that happens. The "he said, he said" format also seemed pretty special at the time. I did a quick search and saw that "gayguystraightguy" was unclaimed, and we jumped right in. We never wanted the blog to be dirty, but knew that it could get slightly NSFW (Not Safe/Suitable For Work) from time to time. For that reason, we keep our professional web IDs separate from our blog personalities. Operationally, it's pretty easy. We can both give this about 2-5 hours a week, and in this format we can cover for each other if anyone needs a break. We see each other almost every day at work, so we can quickly bounce an idea around to see if it might work. (Please note that GG has a wonderful way with words, but that I handle the technical aspects of the blog. As I've said before, training GG on this stuff probably compares to teaching an Amish grandmother how to play Grand Theft Auto.)

Gay Guy: I’d add about the decision to have our identities be Gay Guy and Straight Guy, rather than personal identities, is that I hope it gives readers room to see themselves in the blog – that it’s not just about these two specific people. That there’s an “Everyman” aspect to the conversation.

Kathryn: “Or, an ‘everywoman’….I’m sure you meant that in the most universal way. Right, GG?” (He can’t answer me, ‘cause I’m adding these comments after he sent me the interview, so….this makes him officially at my mercy. Hmmm. Maybe I should’ve had them sign some kind of indemnity clause….)

Q: Where do the ideas for your posts originate? I mean, do you have criteria as to what’s considered GG/SG-fare, or is it more…check the news, walk down the street, overheard at the next table kinda anything goes?

Gay Guy: Anything is fair game for the blog. Nothing crude or much beyond PG-13, though. I think our niche is between serious and simply being a humor site. There are lots of blogs that are dedicated to politics and news coverage, so we don’t often take on heavy topics. SG and I have different blogging styles, and we drift to different kinds of content. SG is much more pop culture-oriented than I am. He’s the one to cruise the web and reads more blogs than I do. As you know, he’ll find something bizarre online and bring it into our blog. And, no, I don’t know where he finds some of this stuff, either! I have a much more traditional blogging style, which is more about personal observation and reflection, how something in the news or that I see gets filtered through my experience. So, yes, anything from the news to who’s next to me in the grocery store is a source of content. I have a page full of ideas for posts, and those are just the ideas I can remember.

Straight Guy: Yeah. Gay Guy is much better at using the blog as a journal. He's more thoughtful, and I'm more reactive. Helpful hint: I've found Evernote to be a blogger's best friend. It's a free web app that makes it easy to clip a quote or make a bookmark on the fly, from my desktop, laptop, or iPhone. Then, when I'm ready to post, I can just click through a bunch of stuff that I've set aside. We also love to get ideas and questions from our readers.

Kathryn: (Hint, hint.)

Q: Do you believe more of your readership is gay or straight? Male or female? And does it matter?

Gay Guy: We didn’t start this with a specific audience in mind. In terms of our actual readers, all we really know is the information that people share with us through their comments and profiles. My suspicion is that our male readership is more gay than straight.

Straight Guy: Yeah, some of the search requests that lead folks to our site are a little frightening, for this straight guy anyway. I'd love for us to get more advice requests from straight folks. Maybe I'm a little surprised that women have been such a big percentage of our commenters, but we are so happy to have them. Like GG said, we try to keep it open for everyone. And women often find it easier to connect with both gay and straight men than we do with each other.

Kathryn: “Huh. Someone needs to query SG on these ‘frightening’ search requests. I’d like to hear those!”

Q: What message do you hope your blog will send to readers? Your Blog-Legacy, if you will?

Gay Guy: Blog legacy . . . We’re doing well on the blog. October was a record for us: 6,000 visits from 5,000 unique visitors. We consistently have readers from all 50 states in a month, though occasionally Montana, Wyoming, or one of the Dakotas gets away from us. I hope that people come away from the site with new ideas about how gay and straight men can interact. I don’t want to say that we are all one big happy family, because there are differences. When we started this, I had no idea all the creative and interesting and bizarre blogs and sites out there. It’s been a great way to stay connected, and even make new friends, like you. (Kathryn smiles) Nothing makes me happier than to log on and find comments. That’s the best. I wish we could blog full-time. Or at least more.

Straight Guy: Gay Guy is a wordsmith in real life, but I'm not, so I just enjoy working my writing muscles. In terms of message, we're not that deep, but I think that gay guys and straight guys still self-segregate more than most, and certainly more than needed. On the blog, we celebrate the fact that we are very different and don't always agree. And maybe we even indulge in a few stereotypes along the way (mark me down for steak dinners, generic underwear, and violent video games). But we try not to judge, and we always look out for each other... in real life and on the web.

GG/SG: You can always find us at www.gayguystraightguy.com. Our blog doesn't have many rules, but we have some semi-regular features including our advice posts, ad watch, and gay/straight quadrant graphs.

Kathryn: "And...that's a wrap! Thanks, guys...always a pleasure!"

Readers, I’d love for you go check out the guys at their site. Totally a great read!

Thanks ahead of time to my wonderful readers for taking the time to read and comment! You KNOW how much I appreciate it!

---------------------------------------------------------

GG/SG: Thanks again to Kathryn and all of her readers and commenters. Our egos are well fed, for the moment. Some of you have joined the conversation over here, and we are happy to have you as part of - um - whatever this is. Let us know what we can do to make you comfortable. Lurkers, too, are always welcome. No pressure.

Gay Guy's Closet: Tool not Tulle

Straight Guy,

Stayed home today to have my heating unit serviced. To make it so the service tech could do his magic, I cleaned out the closet that the heating unit is in. Not only did I cross an overdue chore off my list, I was reacquainted with my tool collection. I say collection since it spills out of the tool box.

I like having tools. Tools are cool. No one has as many as my dad or takes such loving care of them as he does -- my parents' basement is like a tool museum. But I have as many or more tools as the average condo-dweller. A few hammers, a range of pliers, several sizes of screwdrivers, a drill and a kick-ass set of drill bits. A half dozen old jelly jars filled with left over screws, nuts, bolts, picture wire. Can I repeat that I love that drill bit set even though I've never needed to use them.

I don't understand why some people --male or female -- don't have any tools at all. I don't expect people to own a circular saw, but for Pete's sake, how about a hammer? In truth, my ability to fix things is limited, but I do like having tools.

Tools are generally considered a straight guy thing, right. This might be among the few really straight things about this gay guy. It's an unfair stereotype. I think it might be more a house dweller/apartment dweller, owner/renter issue. I prefer old-timey hardware stores, but will go to Home Depot, etc., if I find myself near one. Depending on its location, I'll see a significant number of gay men in there.

Final confession: I am still proud of the straight A's that I got in 7th and 8th grade shop class, even decades later. I have happy memories of shop class.

Gay guys, straight guys, men, women . . . How many tools do you have? Shop class: Nightmare or pleasure? Leave a comment and let us know.

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Ad Watch: Sex Sells and Anything Goes

Hyundai cars and science museums... not the sexiest topics I can think of.

I'm not exactly sure why Hyundai wants to label their buyers as grade-A skanks. Suggested slogan: "Hyundai. For those on the go... and those on the down-low."

Science World (a Canadian museum) was trying to go edgy, get noticed, and broaden their demographic. Who are they trying to bring in? What's your take, readers? "Oh no they di'n't!" or "You go girls!"

Does our objectification know no bounds?

--Straight Guy

He Said, He Said: The Gay Guy / Straight Guy Interview

Our friend here in Bloggerville, Kathryn, has posted a Q&A interview with us over on her site: From the Inside Out.

We're flattered. Sincerely.

You can leave comments here or there. We're keeping up with both.

Gay/Straight Singer Debate: Divas vs....

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Many of you have seen our quadrant graphs before. If not, here's a link to our collection. We don't mean for this to be a definitive list, there's no way we could fit them all.

As usual, not everything fell into predictable stereotypes. But, even allowing for kitsch, I can't take Bette Midler seriously, and GG has the same problem with Roy Orbison.

How sad is it that I'll never get to see any of my quadrant's "likes" perform live? Well, I saw Micheal Jackson once (posts here and here), and there's still a chance for Tom Jones. Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, GG and I once had the option of seeing Tom Jones live when we were working in Vegas a few years ago... and he talked me out of it! A few months later, we were back for another event and we managed to snag tickets to Elton John, though. So all is (mostly) forgiven. Think I can guilt him into a Kid Rock show?

--Straight Guy

Gay Student Refuses to Skirt the Issue

Straight Guy,

This is a great get-people-at-their-own-game story. Short version: Woman protests with sign that reads, "Homosexuality is a sin, Christ can set you free." Sinner responds with sign that begs the question whether Christ can likewise set free the protester's fashion sin of an outfit.

Here's the full story from thefbomb.

Okay, okay . . . I know. It's not fair to attack the skirt. It was made ankle-length and corduroy, it didn't chose to be that way. Or did it? Skirts choose to be they way they are, right? Whichever reason, this skirt refuses to pass for something it isn't.

This kind of anti-gay-rhetoric-laden protest is a perfect illustration of why the idea of the United States is so great: Our First Amendment-guaranteed right to make an ass of ourselves in public.

Gay Guy no longer takes this kind of signs or shouts personally. Yeah, they still hurt a bit, but, in a weird way, I think they serve an ironic purpose: The more that people see ridiculous and hateful logic, the more they start to question it. Think Little Rock Nine.

The ankle-length-corduroy-skirt-stupid-hateful-sign-wearing woman protested at Syracuse University; she had some Evangelical competition at Yale. Read the news story. Typical right wing wack with a sign. Two guys got some smooch on in response to the torture by sign-boarding.

Now, following the sign logic, if "Homosexuality is a sin and Christ can set you free," then Jesus is going to be putting in some massive overtime. The sign at Yale lumps homosexuals in with the usual Hell-headed suspects: Democrats, liberals, feminists; Obama-voters (how au courant!), and dirty dancers (Dude, props for originality). Also on the highway to hell . . . fornicators, liars, and masturbators.

Inclusive list. I hope the highway to hell has an Easy Pass lane or there's going to be one hell of a traffic backup.

--Gay Guy

Wordle from Our Recent Posts, No Surprises

Straight Guy Surrenders, Internet Wins (again)

Nnnn! Testosterone...levels...dropping....

Must...maintain...manly...composure...

Oh, crap. Now I want one.

--Straight Guy

Fallen Angels

Straight Guy,

This Washington Post story speaks for itself, so I don't have anything much to add.

Two priests getting into a slug fest over a "simple office matter?" For real? Printer out of toner? Classic brushed aluminum paper clips or colorful plastic coated? Altar boy or choir boy?

Not gay, not straight. Just weird.

--Gay Guy

Gay/Straight Viral Video: Body Double

Here's the latest from Will Ferrell's Funny or Die web site. Standard NSFW warning applies... A little long for a one-joke skit. Harmless or homophobic? Can it be both?

Mark me down for "nervous laughter."

--Straight Guy

No More, Mr. Fancypants

Gay Guy,

Thanks for covering the blog while I was away on vacation to Tennessee and Kentucky. Those stops probably aren't high on your list, I know, but we'll soon need to break you out of your KeyWest-SanFran-PTown vacation loop. There are other destinations here in the lower 48, you know.

I had a great time, and filled my days with smoked and fried meats (you can fit a whole turkey in a deep fryer), country music, and outdoor adventures. I even went a few hundred feet down into Mammoth Cave (creepy and wonderful).

But have no fear, there is plenty of fabulousness for your team in Nashville. Some of the dudes are downright fancy. Men wearing tight starched jeans with a pressed crease... add the boots and embroidered shirts and you no longer meet my definition of standard-issue straight guy. I'm not saying they're gay, but along with heavy metal hair bands and tough bikers who wear chaps and fringy jackets, they fall into a category of primping posers who leave the joys of sloppy straightdom behind.

Readers, Gay Guy has often commented on my low-frills sense of style. It's not horrible, but it's not well thought out either. Certainly nothing that can be called a "style." Mostly khakis and collared shirts for work, and jeans and uncollared shirts at home. I can dress myself up, but it's only thanks to Nordstrom's sales staff and a good dry cleaner. I pick the tie and feel good about making that contribution.

Gay Guy is no crazed fashionista, either. But I'm sure he plans and strategizes more than I do, and over the long term, it definitely shows. He's more often an exciting new episode, I'm more often a tired re-run (sometimes shown twice in the same week).

I once worked with a nice guy who wore khaki pants and a blue oxford EVERY day. He must have had at least a week's worth of each. Steve Jobs (Apple CEO) never wears anything but jeans and a black mock turtleneck. I envy that simplicity. I don't think it's because they care about the uniform. In fact, I think it's the opposite, that they don't want to worry about clothes AT ALL.

Maybe if I was single, I'd be trying harder. But maybe, if I was still single, I'd have given up by now, be even worse off, and desperately need a Queer Eye intervention. You can always try a little harder, right?

Readers, how much is too much? Are you attracted to men who wear very affected outfits (cowboy, biker, goth, etc.)? Do you buy it that Steve Jobs wears the same thing everyday so that he can invest his intellect elsewhere? On the flip side, what about the guy on MTV's new Jersey Shore show who spends a half hour every day gelling his hair and invests his intellect in nicknaming his abs "the situation"?

Everyone has a different balance of ego and dignity, I guess.

I don't want to be a hater. Jersey Shore guy says that if I am, then he's "got a full time job" for me. I appreciate that self awareness, but yeah, I generally don't like guys who try so hard. And to be clear, there are some scruffy guys who fall into this category, too (looking at you, Ray LaMontagne).

--Straight Guy