Dumbledore Gay? Who knew? Who cares?

pinky ring proves it!

Hey, Gay Guy,

As someone who is gay and has read all seven books, please let me know what the big deal is. I'm still back in book four, before Hogwarts changed curriculum, I guess. But as far as I know, Dumbledore was pretty asexual. In fact, I can't really think of a wizard who was ever really workin' it.

Witches are another story, they run the gamut from Margaret Hamilton in the Wizard of Oz to Nicole Kidman, who played a witch in both Practical Magic and Bewitched.

Because I am straight, I do not know much about these movies. But my point is proven by the existence of sexywitchcostume.com, while "sexy wizard" googles to almost nothing.

If this is a "team pride" sort of thing, please accept Dumbledore with our best wishes. Hey, you can have Gandalf, too.

--Straight Guy

It's not whether you're gay or straight... It's how you say "the game"

GG, just back from Thanksgiving break, sorry for the delayed response. I thought of you from my vacation cabin in the Tennessee mountains as we lowered our turkey into the deep fryer and cracked open a canned beer. Sound familiar? I thought not, but back to the topic at hand...

Well Gay Guy, I cannot crack the mystery of "Game Talk" for you. I admit that using the generic "the game" is a bit of shorthand... but whatever game we are talking about is completely obvious to us. I am no standard bearer in this regard, there are many with more sports on their brains. But, as a rule of thumb, I think I would know what "game" was classified as "the game" on a given day. Here's a breakdown:

• Home teams in season are the safest bet (if this makes no sense to you, then we'll need to do some remedial work)
  
• Championship or playoff games are also acceptable, whatever your market
• On Tuesday, we are talking about Monday Night Football
  
• If you are still grasping, say something definitive ("I hate the Yankees," for example) and see if the conversation takes off
• Slightest chance we may be talking about Iron Chef, but never Project Runway

--Straight Guy

Got Game?

“Did you see the game?”

“What about that game?”

I’m never quite sure what to think about “sports talk.” Or, to be more precise, talking about “the game.”

This is how it works: One guy says to another guy something like, “Did you see the game?” Or, “What did you think about the game?” Or, “How about that game?” And, faster than I could say “what game?” the guys are in an animated exchange reliving “the game.”

Don’t get me wrong: I’m happy that people have interests and hobbies. I’m happy that people like sports. And, I know that sports are not the gay/straight divide, but, Straight Guy, explain to me when “How ‘bout that game?” (or “Who you following?) is the sure fire, one percent safe opening line between straight men.

Over to you, Straight Guy

--GG

There's no place like Applebee's, There's no place like Applebee's...

OK. So I admit I was out of my element. GG did a great job at the game, only stumbling for a moment while seriously pondering his options for import beers. God forbid something from the Anheuser-Busch corporation should pass his lips. And the rest of the group was heavily invested in the wine deal, so off we go.

My "safe place" in scenarios like this is a corner seat against the wall, so job #1 was to strong-arm several intimidating ladies out of the way to grab my seat. Bottles of whatever-new were on the table in a flash. Never celebrated the uncorking before, but I guess it's a big deal. They do this world-wide, always right before Thanksgiving.

Never left my seat, but had a good time. There are a lot of easy conversation starters in a place like this (Point and say: "What's his deal?"). The owner and other patrons were more than generous with the wine. But the dancing wasn't nearly as "sleazy" as the host kept mandating.

From my observation point, I can confirm that dancing to an AC/DC remix while wrapped in toilet paper has all the gay panache of a NASCAR post-race party. I agree with GG that it's best to keep your wits about you when wine-blitzed partiers (of any orientation) start grabbing power tools... and if so, quickly move from the corner seat to a table by the door.

Geez, now it's "panache." GG, leave my vocabulary alone!

-- Straight Guy

Le Beaujolais Nouveau est Arrive!

Last evening was a modest, but fun, outing for Gay Guy and Straight Guy. It pretty much ran the spectrum of the gay/straight experience.

GG/SG got tickets to the basketball game and headed down to the arena. Two beers, one victory, but no "Priceless" MasterCard moment later, we were out on the sidewalk waiting for a friend.

A bunch of work colleagues, also at the game, encouraged us to join them at a bar. Probably what they used to call a 'beer garden.' I think the place is a chain. I imagine it as big as a barn, made to look like it's a century old, very clubby. Lots of after work crowd crowding around after work. Guys in ties. Straight people on the romantic hunt.

Our friend nix'd the beer garden fast. Nope. Wine. Le Beaujolais Nouveau est Arrive! Big wine day. So, we're off to a small French wine bar on the edge of 'boystown' to celebrate. I can tell SG would really prefer to huddle down with a beer, but we're off for the new wine.

It was pretty fun. Small dark bar, too much wine. Pretty women. Pretty boys. Good music. Dancing. Girls and boys dancing, boys and boys dancing, girls and girls dancing. For some reason, dancing with swags of toilet paper. . . .

Best moment for me was the host/emcee -- this guy dancing on the bar. He popped up on the bar with what looked like a power tool in his hand. Turned out to be a worklight, which he pointed to the ceiling to catch the light of a disco ball bolted there. You gotta admire anyone who can turn a stationary disco ball into something fabulous. That's my people. Glitter and be gay. And, let's face it, when a gay guy shows up with what looks like a power tool in his hand, you gotta pay attention.

Fun.

--Gay Guy

What's a Doublet?

If GG thinks he can walk around town dressed like Errol Flynn's Robin Hood and not expect a sideways glance, he's out of his mind. Remember that even back in the day, Errol had to carry a deer carcass across his shoulders to offset the waxed mustache, tights, and assorted fripperies of his costume. If he had been wearing "Show Tune Boots"... game over.

Still, get them. But not for wearing with shorts.

And yes, I said "fripperies." Probably not in the Abbreviated Straight Dictionary, but no foul either, right?.

--Straight Guy

Shoes Make the Man?

Gay Guy Here,

Oh, Straight Guy, you are so funny. And timely, too.

Just at the moment you were selecting Kenneth Cole as one of my essential links (Note: I am a perfect Kenneth Cole size 8 shoe), I was pondering this pair of beauties online.

Freaky, isn't it. The timing, that is, not the ankle boots.

Ankle boots. Yep, this is pretty much what it's all about for me: I want it, but can I pull it off without being some bad gay guy stereotype? I just don't want to look like Peter Pan or Robin Hood. Peter Pan for obvious creepy reasons. Robin Hood might be okay, but only if I'm the Errol Flynn version, not some Disney fox in green doublet.

All this is to ask, Can shoes be gay? Straight?

Oh, and to make the boots even more perfect, they are called "Show Tune."

--Gay Guy

The Rules

Hello all,

We have no idea what we are doing here, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. We'll have a bit of back and forth, and hopefully your comments will add to the discussion.

Just so you know "straight posts" will be in this font (Lucidia).

"Gay posts" will be in italics, for obvious reasons.

Over to you GG...

--Straight Guy